[newport659]

I was just recently diagnosed as having BP 8 weeks ago. The last 6 years of my life have been a living hell and I could really use some encouragement. I was really motivated in paramedic school but having a lot of anxiety so my dad sent me lexapro 10mg (he's a psych NP). Within a few hours I was completely manic and through the roof. Shaking uncontrollably, muscle spasms, tachycardia, hypertension, basically I felt like I was crawling out of my skin. I only took it for 8 days total before my mom took me to the ER. Ever since then it has been extremely hard to concentrate and get motivated, I hate feeling like this. I used to work out every day and I loved life.
I should note that after I had that reaction I could not sleep so I started drinking heavily because I just couldn't deal with everything. The not sleeping for days on end made me suicidal and it was awful.
Fast forward to a year ago when I joined the military, I've always wanted to join and I thought it would help me get my life back in a positive direction. I did really well in basic but a few weeks into AIT I was awake for 3 days straight and borderline psychotic. My roommate forced me to go to behavioral health. It has been hell up until 8 weeks ago when I met with the psychiatrist here at my permanent duty station. He explained to me that the reason I had that reaction to the lexapro is because I am bipolar and it "unmasked" the symptoms. I have been hospitalized 3 times since then and they have tried at least a dozen medications. Finally, they tried lithium with seroquel and it has been working really well. I actually sleep through the night and I'm not having wild mood swings or thoughts of suicide. The military sent me to rehab so I haven't drank in almost 2 months and I never want to go back to that.
Please tell me this gets better. It is still really hard to concentrate and I just feel very slow. I graduated college with honors and it is so hard for me to feel this way all day. Is there anything I can be doing to help my recovery? I have to have faith that the brain can recover and heal itself. I am really happy I came across this site and there are other people out there who have experienced the same things.
I really appreciate any input or advice.
Shaw-

[wildflowerchild25]

It does get better. Then it gets worse, then better again, repeats like that until finally it gets better for the long haul.

I've been through a lot with this illness and I can say as long as I take my one medication I'm good to go, mostly. But it took trying dozens of meds and combos to get there and I sure did get discouraged numerous times.

But it's worth it!! So hang in there.

[kitten55]

You have been through hell, as have many of us. And you sound pretty resilient and tough. (Basic training would have sent me over the edge.) Hang on tight. It is going to be an interesting ride.

[newport659]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

It does get better. Then it gets worse, then better again, repeats like that until finally it gets better for the long haul.

I've been through a lot with this illness and I can say as long as I take my one medication I'm good to go, mostly. But it took trying dozens of meds and combos to get there and I sure did get discouraged numerous times.

But it's worth it!! So hang in there.

Thanks for the reply. I'm just having a really bad day and I feel like I just can't keep doing this-

[Standup2me]

We al have good days, bad days, scary days, and days where we can take on the world.

It is who we are

[outlaw sammy]

Originally Posted by newport659

I was just recently diagnosed as having BP 8 weeks ago. Shaw-

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! This bloody illness is a wild and destructive roller-coaster ride through life - BUT IT DOES GET BETTER when your mental health professionals find the proper mix of psychotropic meds that will keep you stabilized. I've been symptom free of BP1 now for sixteen months. That's a miracle, because I'm a "rapid-cycler" (i.e. 4-5 episodes each year). I was first diagnosed in a state of manic-psychosis with homicidal features, and five months later, the FBI caught up with me. You can't say that I haven't had my fun with this disorder.

Working with your dr and getting a therapist on board I think are the beginning. Sleep is essential and if you have problems with sleep talk with your dr about that too. All the things that are healthy for people to do are even more important for us. Eat healthy, exercise, stay away from alcohol and drugs. In some places NAMI has support groups at the VA centers, you could look into that or perhaps find a civilian one in your area. Living with bipolar is a journey not a destination and there will be some highs and some lows but with correct treatment hopefully they wont be so drastic. (((Big)))

[Sad&Bipolar]

newport659, Since you are the studious type, you can check out some bipolar workbooks. They give a lot of info on coping skills. Keep all your pdoc & therapy appts. If you don't have a therapist yet, try to find one. If you have a problem with any of your meds, call your subscribing doc right away. Never stop taking a med unless the doc tells you to. Write down all your symptoms, questions, etc. and take the list with you to your appts. Try to find a DBSA chapter (or 2) near you. You can also join DBSA online for support. See if there is a NAMI near you. They offer peer-to-peer counseling which may be helpful for you right now. And keep posting on this site. There is a lot of support available.

To your question: Yes, it does get better. Bipolar is referred to as a rollercoaster - you go up, and then you go down. It is always changing. No feelings or thoughts are permanent. The worst feelings you have, be assured they will fade. Keep your goal: stability. Also check to see if there is a county or state run wellness center for mental health, and whether there are any clubhouses in your area. If so, they offer a lot of support. Try to stay positive as much as you can.

My best workbook is: the bipolar workbook, Tools for Controlling Your Mood Swings, by Monica Ramirez Basco, PhD., 2006, isbn 978-1-59385-162-0. Look on bookfinder4u.com for best price.

[Sad&Bipolar]

outlaw sammy, Congrats on being symptom free. I've yet to achieve that.

[Mayla8]

It will get better and then bad and then better again - as wildflowerchild25 said.. what really matters is having someone there for you when things get bad -

' you are human and there is so much you can take' .. my best friend told me this during my last depressive episode and everytime I feel like a loser, this makes me feel better.. and mmaybe it will help you..

Hang in there

[newport659]

Thank you so much for all the replies, I really needed this. I broke down crying earlier in my platoon sergeants office about an hour ago. Has anyone else experienced a manic reaction to an SSRI? I am so afraid that there has been permanent damage to my brain, I only took it for 8 days but it is so hard to concentrate. Thank you again for all the support.y

[Curiosity77]

Zoloft made me hypomanic. That was my first really clear episode

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[newport659]

Originally Posted by Curiosity77

Zoloft made me hypomanic. That was my first really clear episode

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Did you have any lasting effects from that episode? Or were you stable once they found the right meds?

[Curiosity77]

Originally Posted by newport659

Did you have any lasting effects from that episode? Or were you stable once they found the right meds?

I stopped the zoloft and went off all meds for years. My mood was mostly depressed or stable during that time, with a few minor elevations but nothing dramatic. It seemed like I was going to be OK, and there were no lasting effects. Then I stopped the birth control pill and had another severe hypomania. That's when I got my diagnosis. But I refused meds again, and things stabilized on their own for a couple years, then I started cycling really severely, depressions, mixed, and hypomania or maybe mania, so I started meds then. It took a long time for my mood to stabilze after that. But I don't think the zoloft caused any lasting damage, I think it just unmasked something that was slowly developing anyway. And when I look back at it, I was cycling before that, just not that dramatically, so I only recognized the depressions as a problem.

Originally Posted by newport659

I was just recently diagnosed as having BP 8 weeks ago. The last 6 years of my life have been a living hell and I could really use some encouragement. I was really motivated in paramedic school but having a lot of anxiety so my dad sent me lexapro 10mg (he's a psych NP). Within a few hours I was completely manic and through the roof. Shaking uncontrollably, muscle spasms, tachycardia, hypertension, basically I felt like I was crawling out of my skin. I only took it for 8 days total before my mom took me to the ER. Ever since then it has been extremely hard to concentrate and get motivated, I hate feeling like this. I used to work out every day and I loved life.
I should note that after I had that reaction I could not sleep so I started drinking heavily because I just couldn't deal with everything. The not sleeping for days on end made me suicidal and it was awful.
Fast forward to a year ago when I joined the military, I've always wanted to join and I thought it would help me get my life back in a positive direction. I did really well in basic but a few weeks into AIT I was awake for 3 days straight and borderline psychotic. My roommate forced me to go to behavioral health. It has been hell up until 8 weeks ago when I met with the psychiatrist here at my permanent duty station. He explained to me that the reason I had that reaction to the lexapro is because I am bipolar and it "unmasked" the symptoms. I have been hospitalized 3 times since then and they have tried at least a dozen medications. Finally, they tried lithium with seroquel and it has been working really well. I actually sleep through the night and I'm not having wild mood swings or thoughts of suicide. The military sent me to rehab so I haven't drank in almost 2 months and I never want to go back to that.
Please tell me this gets better. It is still really hard to concentrate and I just feel very slow. I graduated college with honors and it is so hard for me to feel this way all day. Is there anything I can be doing to help my recovery? I have to have faith that the brain can recover and heal itself. I am really happy I came across this site and there are other people out there who have experienced the same things.
I really appreciate any input or advice.
Shaw-

It gets better. Therapy and the correct medication can do wonders. Lexapro had a similar effect on me, and treatment with just antidepressants is a BIG NO NO for bipolar disorder.

You can start by educating yourself about the disorder. There are some good book recommendations (sticky note) in the BP forum homepage. Exercise and proper diet will help, and the books will be able to give you a formal guideline. Quite a few people on this forum, including myself, have been helped by Julie Fast and John Preston's Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder.

Good luck.

[shortandcute]

I would also read up on bipolar disorder. There are a lot of good articles online about it, and some pretty good books you can get. I know buying books can get expensive but there are some libraries that have a variety of books on MI. And sometimes buying an e-book can be cheaper than getting a hard copy (at least sometimes). I m currently reading a book called "Taking Charge of Bipolar Disorder," by Julie A. Fast, and it is really helpful.

A couple of websites I recommend are Depression & Bipolar Support Alliance - Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance and NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness - Mental Health Support, Education and Advocacy. DBSA deals mostly with depression and bipolar and depression, while NAMI deals with mental illness in general. I also like www.getselfhelp.co.uk and Free Resources For Therapists To Share | Psychology Tools. They both have stuff you can download and print out, like informational sheets, and worksheets, etc., plus references to other helpful websites.

[newport659]

Originally Posted by psychehedone

It gets better. Therapy and the correct medication can do wonders. Lexapro had a similar effect on me, and treatment with just antidepressants is a BIG NO NO for bipolar disorder.

You can start by educating yourself about the disorder. There are some good book recommendations (sticky note) in the BP forum homepage. Exercise and proper diet will help, and the books will be able to give you a formal guideline. Quite a few people on this forum, including myself, have been helped by Julie Fast and John Preston's Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder.

Good luck.

Thank you so much and I will look into those books. I guess a part of me is still holding out that im not bipolar. Im going to talk to the doc about getting off of the zoloft. I was really suicidal and lithium really helped. Thanks again to all of you for your support and kind words.

[outlaw sammy]

Originally Posted by newport659

Thank you so much for all the replies, Thank you again for all the support.y

DAMN STRAIGHT - SSRI's send me through the manic roof! In my case, my pdoc will only prescribe them if I'm in serious threat of suicide during a deep depression.

[LoneLabRat]

Originally Posted by newport659

Thank you so much and I will look into those books. I guess a part of me is still holding out that im not bipolar. Im going to talk to the doc about getting off of the zoloft. I was really suicidal and lithium really helped. Thanks again to all of you for your support and kind words.

Zoloft sent me into hypomania so did Paxil. I quit Paxil cold turkey and suffered extreme withdraw symptoms for three yrs. I didn't know if I would ever be back to my "normal". It's very scary feeling like that, so I can relate with you to some degree. I am now back to my old "normal" and I have finally accepted my diagnosis of being bipolar after 20 yrs of denial. You are not alone. It's one heck of a ride. Make sure you fasten your seat belt and hold on tight! Some meds can make you suicidal, manic, depressed, loopy, zombied-out.....the list goes on. The trick is not to settle for a med that is making you feel uncomfortable either physically or mentally or emotionally. You have to try different things to figure out what works best for you. Keep us updated on how you are doing. Stay strong, giving up is not an option!