I feel so defeated

I feel like this disorder is robbing me of everything I hold dear in my life.... My pride, my determination and drive, my kids, my relationships. I feel completely paralyzed right now after a month of feeling like myself. I just want it to end.

I don't really have any advice cause I'm sort of in the same boat but I just wanted to say I understand. You're not alone in feeling this way.

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AGAIN, MY HEART GOES OUT TO ALL THE YOUNG PEOPLE WHO SUFFER FROM THIS CHALLENGING MENTAL ILLNESS - but have courage. Everyday, both genetic medical and pharmaceutical research is being conducted to either save us from this disability or to make its symptoms more manageable. Even if we don't advance a heartbeat from where we are today, we have legions of mental health professionals at our disposal to help us manage. Furthermore, and much to my pleasure, we have the law on our side. The 1992 Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) is loaded with federally mandated safeguards that insure us the rights of all others - and protect us from discrimination. Sure, I couldn't agree with ya'll more that this is a devastation illness, but just think of how much better it is now then it was for our ancestors who also suffered from this condition.

Me too. Me too.

My ex has a child support order that he got when I sent my children to live with him 5 years ago. I couldn't manage caring for them and he could. He said then that he would never keep them from me and that we would work together.

That has changed. I have been unable to keep a steady job for months since I broke my arm in October and then had a severe mixed episode starting in late February. I am begging him to remove the order (he can) but he still seems resentful of me. Like I choose this. I'm in the bottom of despair right now because not only am I paralyzed and unable to be an effective human being, they now may suspend my license due to being behind.

I can't stop crying. I feel I can't go on like this. The emotional pain and the lack of hope is crippling.

OMG - you really have the weight of the world on your shoulders. I wish I could lift some of that away - but all I can do is offer you my moral support. I will suggest however, that the dawn follows the darkest of nights. If you were to hear of some of my worst nightmares, where I barely escaped suicide, then you would understand why I strongly advise anyone who is in your state of deep emotional crisis, to hang in there. It does get better, because somehow, good luck follows bad. You're in my prayers.

I know it must get better. These depressions are so frustrating, because I do know my potential. I rage at my emotional lability. It just seems absurd!!!

I'm going to see said children tonight. I love them so much but I'm in that agitated scared mode and want to be around people but not really. I know they will make me feel better.

Thank you for your support and prayers and great expoundations!! You rock.