[lauraislame]

So for the past few days I've felt alright. I mean I've gotten a few ups and downs. Idk its hard for me to figure out my moods. ANyWAYS I've had a few unsetteling incidents though.
A few days ago I was walking down the stairs and I kinda lost track of what I was thinking and I had this horrible urge to push the girl infront of me down the stair. I don't know why. And I imagined it happing and it was very vivid.
Then on the bus early in the morning I got kinda lost in thought and I imagined everyones throats got slit open. Its not like I was seeing it exactly but I was. It was very creepy and disturbing.
Today I was getting something out of my backpack and I saw a bug. Its super cold where I am so I have no idea how this bug got there. I'm not scared of bugs either. anyways I was kinda like "whatthehelll" and tried to get it out of my backpack. Later it was crawling on me so I kinda freaked and flicked it off and I don't think anyone else noticed there was a bug crawling on me. For the rest of the day all I could feel is panics and bugs all over me

[ayaachoub]

You're not alone, i constantly have thoughts of absolutely horrible things happening. Deeply disturbing and extremely hard to get rid of.

[smadams]

I have felt the same thing on rare occasions, but it quickly passes for me and I know I could never do those things. It is completely against my personal nature to do anything violent (at least anymore). I am often so scared of hurting anyone that it can drop me into depression very quickly depending on the circumstance.

Hang in the Laura...... lots of us have crazy urges. The good news is you kept your composure and didnt ACT on it.

[donna450]

I myself in the earluwr stages about nine years in. That's what I remember now 30+ years later. I had these visions...whenever I was in the car (not driving) I would see little people like gnomes working or milling about in the median part of the highway. Thislasted for a few years. I've seen bugs, dark shadowy figures, movement of furniture all happening in plain view and always fleeting. But with such unease like it was pure evil rearing it's head. I used to be so scaeed of going to bed while my husband was away that I had my dad out a deadbolt lock on bedroom door and made my two children sleep in my bed. They at the time were about 7 or 8. Even today I see dark fleeting figures or fleeting bugs and I usually wonder if I'm losing it. I once took the driving wheel from my husbands hand because I in my mind Isaw a big house right in the middle of the road and I didn't want him to run into it. Of course all of this and many more things that have happened were conjured in my mind. But they are real at the time. I mostly live in fear of everyday happenings that's why I stay indoors tv blaring or music...so I don't have to think. And I feel safe sitting or lying down with a blanket or sheet covering my face. Cocooned comes to mind. Safer comes to mind. But I've had no hospitalizations, no real hallucinations etc for 15 years. But I take my depression, bipolar, anti psychotic, meds everyday. I would rather get used to taking the pills instead of living and feeling and seeing what I have in the past. I now just recently started a depressive state and the dark fleeting figures are creeping back in. I don't know exactly what set it off. But I see my psychiatrist in 2 weeks. We'll see what she thinks. I hope that the occurences don't stay long. Ive come to terms of feeling "normal" the last 20 years even though I'm emotionally trapped inside my body. I can deal with that most days..but being around people on a one to one basis causes fear to rear it's ugly head

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

[jesusplay]

you sound normal to me.

The bug part confused me, was it really real?

Are you losing touch with reality?

[lauraislame]

I'm not sure that's when it really started to worry me. Nobdy else noticed it and I could "feel"? It crawling on me. I can't tell if its real or not.

[lauraislame]

I get in to modes where to whole world is spinning too. Not dizzy but its super trippy and psycidelic

[hamster-bamster]

Disturbing images and thoughts are not psychosis - you are well in touch with reality and able to reflect on your experience. It is not some kind of a grave symptom. Since you know that in truth you and people around you are safe, try to watch the thoughts and images neutrally without judgment - hopefully that will make them go away peacefully.

[pink&grey]

I had similar things happen to me after a med change. If you've changed meds or doses recently and these are new symptoms I encourage you to reach out and report to the pDoc.

[donna450]

I am finding this whole forum is overwhelming me. I see what everyone is going thru which I've gone thru as much myself...but it depresses me to constantly be reminded of how bad I was and could be again. I have nothing to offer no insights...just that I don't want to think about it and read about it. Living it is bad enough but to read it and be forced to think because I read it and it reminds me and keeos me in a loop. Maybe reading this stuff makes me more depressed.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

[TgFlux]

I like your hallucinations and I very like Philip K. Dik. Remind me of the first scenes of the movie "A scanner darkly" I had some psychedelic also before the first manic episode like transparent waves from a tree and I agree with a previous post that the best thing is to stay cool and watch them with curiosity. Want to be friends?