Just need to talk

I think I finally found the right medicine after 7 years of hell, but I am terrified that everything will just fall apart again. Of course I have said in the past that I am doing better but this time I feel totally different like it is who I really am. My husband even said that this was girl I used to know. I'm afraid I am going to let him down, and ruin this great feeling I am having. I'm on intermittent FMLA and miss work all of the time, and I feel like a loser because I just can't seem to get to work and get thru the day like everyone else. I hate to compare myself to others but sometimes I feel like I haven't accepted the fact that I am sick. I go over all of this stuff everyday and I don't know what to do. I'm just so scared about the meds not working and falling apart.

BP 1-mixed episodes/OCD

Lamictal 400mg
Haldol 4mg
Klonopin 1.5mg

I feel the same way after 10 years of not being medicated properly. Note that this is just recent. I am hoping for the best.

For example, a few months ago, I was extremely agitated with intense intrusive thoughts. At one point in time, I found myself driving on the wrong side of the road. Life is just wonderful.

I wish I could chat, but I don't know what to say other than you are not alone.

We'll 5 yrs of dealing with it and then came off of last meds for a pregnancy and went back on and of course they don't work. So been playin med search for almost two yrs. right now it celexa, trileptal, topomax, and Valium. Those are two week new meds except the trileptal.

It just takes time and trial to get properly medicated. All I can say is take it one day at a time.

I totally relate to your post! I've had trouble keeping a job for more than 6 months at a time since my first job at 18. I was diagnosed with bipolar 5 years ago and I'm still having trouble accepting the fact that I'm not like everyone else but on the same note that doesn't mean I can't be successful. When I say successful I mean winning little battles we go through everyday such as getting to work or taking our meds as prescribed. I noticed when I give myself credit for winning those little daily battles I find it easier to do it again. I know it sounds tedious but acknowledging often that I'm on the right track helps me stay on the right track. Lastly, if you feel your meds aren't enough or you're still feeling hopeless tell your doc or even get a second opinion on the medication choices. Once I found the correct balance of needed meds I not only found I could deal with my emotions successfully but I also didn't experience those negative emotions as often. The right medication changed my life and it took several doctors to get it right. You are not alone in this lifelong journey. Contact me anytime