[Angry1541]

So, today I am having doubts about my dx.

Not sure why...I just sometimes don't believe my diagnosis as BP2.

Maybe it's because I don't generally have problems sleeping (sometimes I don't sleep well, but I chalk that up to caffeine or sugar).

Maybe it's because I don't go crazy spending money (sometimes I do go through periods of impulse spending...but we all buy things we don't need).

Maybe it's because I don't get really hypersexual (something I do get horny at inappropriate times, but don't we all?).

But I can't say that I don't fly from one idea to the next (was doing that last night very much).

But I can't say that I don't have very hyperactive moments (I go through periods of extreme hyperactivity).

But I can't say I don't get anxious and irritable (I do often...sometimes even the touch of loved ones makes me edgey -- which really sucks).

But I can't say I don't get depressed (I just recently broke free from a 3 month long depression, which I think I might be battling still....)

So, I am conflicted -- I thought I had accepted my dx, but I still try to find reasons/signs/things that make me not BP2.

Guh -- just sorta tired lately...like my sleep is doing nothing for me...been that way for a week or two...where I wake up feeling like I didn't sleep at all...but I can function at work just fine...outwardly (except for bags under my eyes) no one can tell I get 4/5 hours of sleep on a general night.

I have always only ever really gotten 6 at most...which I always felt was normal (for me), but most people get at 7 from what I understand...me...6-5 is good...but with all the waking up and fitfulness I have been having lately, I probably only really get 4 hours a night.

Hypo episode? Who knows....feeling anxious lately? Yeah...muscle tension -- sense that I am forgetting something....like I should be doing something and I can't quite figure out what that is...

ramble ramble ramble....

Thanks for reading....

[elevatedsoul]

i wish there was a blood test to confirm these things

[Angry1541]

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

i wish there was a blood test to confirm these things

That would be nice! *sigh*

[gayleggg]

With Bipolar II you don't get the extreem mania as with Bipolar I. So we who have Bipolar II don't usually have the highs, over compulsive shopping urge or the hypersexuallity that Bipolar I get during mania.

While you may have hypomania and display some of these things in a milder way, you probably shouldn't have full blown mania.

Sorry to disappoint you but BPII sounds about right, of course, I'm not a professional. Best wishes.

[Angry1541]

Gayle,

Not disappointed....more like frustrated. All my life I have known I was different somehow...my behavior was always different. Outbursts at inappropriate times, no attention span, fly off into random rages about something one time, but not the next.

But I always thought it was ADHD and I was okay with that...but after re-dx as BP2, for some reason I am less willing to completely accept that.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Angry1541

Gayle,

Not disappointed....more like frustrated. All my life I have known I was different somehow...my behavior was always different. Outbursts at inappropriate times, no attention span, fly off into random rages about something one time, but not the next.

But I always thought it was ADHD and I was okay with that...but after re-dx as BP2, for some reason I am less willing to completely accept that.

I was never Dx ADHD but with major depression which they changed it to BP 2 years ago I denied it until my most recent mixed episode but I still have a hard time accepting it. Don't want it, don't want to deal with it, hate it! Just because it's clear to Ts and Pdocs doesn't make it clear to me.

Originally Posted by gayleggg

With Bipolar II you don't get the extreem mania as with Bipolar I. So we who have Bipolar II don't usually have the highs, over compulsive shopping urge or the hypersexuallity that Bipolar I get during mania.

While you may have hypomania and display some of these things in a milder way, you probably shouldn't have full blown mania.

Sorry to disappoint you but BPII sounds about right, of course, I'm not a professional. Best wishes.

Agreed ^^^

[Angry1541]

Yeah, it's strange, because I know I have BP2, but for some reason my mind keeps trying to make me disbelieve it.

Odd.

[Victoria'smom]

I think any life long illness comes with waves of denial.

[Angry1541]

Probably...BAH!!!!!! okay...I got that out....now I will quietly fade into the background again!

[BipolaRNurse]

Not so odd. I think we all go through that from time to time.

I thought I'd accepted my own diagnosis until last fall, when I got this brilliant idea that I really wasn't bipolar, but had just been going through an existential crisis that I'd finally snapped out of. That preceded one of my worst manic episodes ever, which was swiftly followed by a crash into depression. It was as if the universe said, "Take THAT, you big dummy!"

Still, I flirt with the idea sometimes, and what I do to remind myself that my diagnosis is, indeed, correct is to go back over blog entries I wrote when I was hypo/manic or depressed. It helps to ground me in reality and also makes me grateful for the relative stability I enjoy today.

[Angry1541]

Ha! interesting idea...I will have to look back on here and elsewhere and see the differences between times when I was hypo and not and it will remind me...good call!!!

[Curiosity77]

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

Not so odd. I think we all go through that from time to time.

I thought I'd accepted my own diagnosis until last fall, when I got this brilliant idea that I really wasn't bipolar, but had just been going through an existential crisis that I'd finally snapped out of. That preceded one of my worst manic episodes ever, which was swiftly followed by a crash into depression. It was as if the universe said, "Take THAT, you big dummy!"

Still, I flirt with the idea sometimes, and what I do to remind myself that my diagnosis is, indeed, correct is to go back over blog entries I wrote when I was hypo/manic or depressed. It helps to ground me in reality and also makes me grateful for the relative stability I enjoy today.

I tend to doubt and think it has been existential crisis too. My therapist agreed, my pdoc is sure it's bipolar though. I told her that i thought i was just reacting to a lot of stress and circumstances, and she said that nonbipolar people don't react to stress in such an extreme way to need hospitalization, etc. But i do think there is an element of existential distress, i don't think that for me it is 100% biochemical. This kind of thing is too complicated to have one single cause, it's multifactorial. I see my therapist to work on existential issues, and my pdoc for meds, and it seems to be working for now. I do doubt that i'll need meds for life, and even though i know it's risky, i'd like to try to come off at some point. So maybe that is doubting the diagnosis. It's a hard thing to accept because it changes the way i think of a lot of the decisions i've made and things that have happened. I like it's normal to have some doubts.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Angry1541]

I don't think I am any sort of existential crisis....I have always been a little different or off, never really fit in with anyone as a kid, etc. But, thanks all for the confirmation that I am not alone in being a Doubting Thomas.

[pawn78]

I doubted my DX too, because I am "normal" 80% of the time, depressed or mixed or hypo 19% of the time, and only been totally manic and hospitalized twice, so less than 1% hyper-mania.

I told my doc, "but the two times I was hospitalized, was due to extreme stress and drug use."

The doc said, "but only bipolar 1 people go into hospitals for extreme psychotic mania from stress or drug use. If you weren't bipolar you wouldn't have the extreme episodes that you had."

So, several docs have confirmed I'm really bipolar 1.