[azaliavictoria]

I would like to share my story with all of you and look forward to hearing other stories as well.

First, allow me to say that I have not been diagnosed with any Bipolar Disorder.
I am exploring this forum (among other things) because I do not have the luxury of seeking professional guidance and recent happenings suggested I have cause for concern for my mood/behaviors. I study Psychology full-time so thankfully that allows me to have good groundwork for an understanding.

(Tid Bit:I have been diagnosed by an old professor as having Panic Disorder).

I simply thought that I was a "paradox of a person," for lack of a better way to express it. I seem to behave in two very different ways. Holistic, meditative, peaceful me. And aggressive, angry, and "blue" me. I was left with the question: is one the true me and the other a front or are they both me? That also left me with the thought: well how can two extremes live inside one person so brilliantly? The thing is....my way of being is not brilliant at all.

I stay home a lot because of my panic disorder which could be what has lead to bouts of being down in the dumps and unhappy with how my life is going (so badly, I want to be apart of the world and be social/active). I sink into that for a while but then I sort of rise out above it and start doing things again. I start becoming more active and social. during this time, I am behaving like a "mellow-normal" person. The more I dive into the non-hermit side of me, the more I get "out of control." Pretty much all my sanity leaves me (as it does when I am in the dumps as well), I drink a lot (and get into trouble with it), and my sleep schedule is never regular for any point in my life.

Why I am confused is because it is unclear to me whether I am behaving like a person with normal ups and downs or if I have cause for concern here. This behavior has caused problems in my life which is the reason I am writing this today.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I look forward to chatting and bringing in more detail if need be

[Skitz13]

Originally Posted by azaliavictoria

I would like to share my story with all of you and look forward to hearing other stories as well.

First, allow me to say that I have not been diagnosed with any Bipolar Disorder.
I am exploring this forum (among other things) because I do not have the luxury of seeking professional guidance and recent happenings suggested I have cause for concern for my mood/behaviors. I study Psychology full-time so thankfully that allows me to have good groundwork for an understanding.

(Tid Bit:I have been diagnosed by an old professor as having Panic Disorder).

I simply thought that I was a "paradox of a person," for lack of a better way to express it. I seem to behave in two very different ways. Holistic, meditative, peaceful me. And aggressive, angry, and "blue" me. I was left with the question: is one the true me and the other a front or are they both me? That also left me with the thought: well how can two extremes live inside one person so brilliantly? The thing is....my way of being is not brilliant at all.

I stay home a lot because of my panic disorder which could be what has lead to bouts of being down in the dumps and unhappy with how my life is going (so badly, I want to be apart of the world and be social/active). I sink into that for a while but then I sort of rise out above it and start doing things again. I start becoming more active and social. during this time, I am behaving like a "mellow-normal" person. The more I dive into the non-hermit side of me, the more I get "out of control." Pretty much all my sanity leaves me (as it does when I am in the dumps as well), I drink a lot (and get into trouble with it), and my sleep schedule is never regular for any point in my life.

Why I am confused is because it is unclear to me whether I am behaving like a person with normal ups and downs or if I have cause for concern here. This behavior has caused problems in my life which is the reason I am writing this today.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I look forward to chatting and bringing in more detail if need be

Well, you should get assessed anyway. I would also like to say that if you do have some sort of a mood disorder, drinking too much and not sleeping well isn't going to help your symptoms at all.

[BipolaRNurse]

Only a mental health professional can give you the advice you seek. Even those of us here at PC who are nurses or other healthcare providers are unable to tell you if your behaviors point to a certain type of mental problem. However, the symptoms you describe are concerning enough that you really shouldn't look at seeing a MH professional as a "luxury". It's crucial, particularly because these symptoms are causing you some distress in life. And your drinking and sleep patterns are certainly not doing you any good.

If you can't afford to see a doctor, at least check out your local county health department to see if they offer MH services. Most of them will accept payment on a sliding scale based on income.

And welcome to PC! Feel free to post anytime, in any forum.

[azaliavictoria]

Thanks for your responses guys, I really appreciate it. Well I am sort of dead set on trying out meditation for a cure to what distresses me because I am unable to visit a doctor. At least for the time being.

As it was mentioned by my fellow commenters it would be a very wise idea to seek out professional help if you have a concern. Mood disorders unfortunately do no get better on their own and instead will only get worse.

If you don't mind me asking, is there a particular reason that you can not seek out the help of MH professional?

[Angry1541]

Originally Posted by azaliavictoria

Thanks for your responses guys, I really appreciate it. Well I am sort of dead set on trying out meditation for a cure to what distresses me because I am unable to visit a doctor. At least for the time being.

If you are a college student, does your college have a student health center? They may be able to see you and at least start something rolling...

[azaliavictoria]

Yes, I have recently learned that, thank you for the info =D
No health care at the moment and I cannot afford to pay out of pocket. I am taking care of it though.

[azaliavictoria]

Yes, thank you for bringing that up!

If you go to a college most offer a student health center which can help you get started. Also many counties in the U.S. offer health clinics, as well as low cost health options.

I would look in the yellow pages for community health centers.