[PinkPearl]

I am in a very embarrassing situation. My husband attacked me physically in March and has been emotionally abusing me as well - very manipulative, denial, hurtful. I contacted my son's hockey coach, whom I always thought was a good friend, for support because he is an attorney who has worked with abuse victims for up to 20 years. I was looking for understanding. I told other clinicians as well of course and am working with a dv advocate. Anyway, the coach's stance was that he would always be concerned about my safety but didn't want to know about my personal life - maybe conflict of interest or just didn't want to get involved. I was depressed and perhaps manic as well. I kept sharing more and more info with him over email - much of it pretty shocking and classic batterer manipulation. He told me to stop but I later told him more on a day I was feeling extremely depressed. He then wrote me a very scathing letter. I just was looking for some empathy but just couldn't control my impulses and kept harassing him, looking for that empathy/validation. I'm so embarrassed. I have to see him often. Ugh. What a huge mistake. We sort of agreed to move on and let it go last week, but I know he'll always think I'm crazy. And I'm hurt and disappointed cuz I thought he was a friend. Anyone do something long-term foolish like this before?

[cashart10]

I am notorious for obsessively emailing people when manic. The worst was when I told someone outright that I was obsessed with them. Horribly embarrassing! Then there was the time when I (when much younger) accused someone I cared about of being racist. It was a nonsensical accusation.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, but more importantly, that you had to deal with such terrible abuse from your husband. I wish this guy would have been more supportive in the first place and then you wouldn't be in this position. It will get less awkward with time. The lady I told I was obsessed with, she is still my mentor and friend and she appreciated that I was very mentally ill when that occurred. I hope it is similar for you!

[bleutamales]

I'm sorry you're feeling rejected and misunderstood by this guy. Is this person married? That might be why he was trying to keep you at a distance from the start? I've done things like this so many times while manic. Try not to be embarrassed. Since you have to see this guy all the time you'll just need to pretend it never happened. Whatever you do don't bring it up and harp on it. That will just make it worse. It will be awkward for a while but you don't need the extra stress so when you do see him do try to move on (I know, easier said than done).

Are you still living with your husband? I very much hope the bad situation you have been living with can be rectified. No one deserves any such treatment.

[buzz bee]

You thought that this person would be able to help you seeing what his job is. He felt threatened by you. Im sorry this was not the turn out you hoped for.

Yes there are a few things in my past that made me go "oh god, I cant believe I did that". The bad part is that we play it over and over in our minds and we make ourselves crazy. Its like punishing ourselves over and over again. Why do we do that? Ugh.

Come to us next time. We got your back.

[PinkPearl]

Thank you all for your support and stories. It comforts me more than you know. A few things: Yes, he is married and I'm friendly with his wife. I have zero feelings for him in that way and hope he didn't think so! Also, he knows my husband well of course, so there's that. Oh, and btw, my husband sometimes helps him coach the team of 7-9 yo's - You'd think this head coach would have concerns about that. Some of the information I shared with him was so shocking that I think he was concerned he might have to report it to children's services because of my 8yo. (My husband threatened to burn me with boiling hot water and then hurled a chair at me when I was 30 weeks pregnant. Later he said things like, "If you love me you won't tell anyone", "Everyone knows you have a bad memory", "Your therapist is paid to believe you", and "What I do isn't abuse because I've never hit you".) In any case, I am sad to have lost a friend, if he ever was one, as well as his respect. Also, I'm angry with him because he never showed any real compassion and basically silenced me, which I think is the worst thing you can do to someone who's been hurt in this way. He says I crossed boundaries, and maybe I did, but I still feel kind of silenced. And this guy is one of the kindest, compassionate people I know, unless I'm a really bad judge of character. In his letter, he ripped me to pieces to the point where I wanted to shrivel in a corner and die - seriously. And I ended up apologizing profusely to him just to smooth things over and make things less awkward for hockey season. Geez.

[~Christina]

Im sorry he wasnt more understanding..

What worries me more is the fact that you are still in an abusive situation ..I noticed you mentioned your working with a dv advocate... You need out of that situation period. His abuse will only get worse. Do you have an escape plan ?

Please take care of you and your children. You deserve to live without fear.