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#1
Jul 28, 2014, 09:16 AM
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I'm having a lot of thoughts of SI right now, just because this mania has become so physically uncomfortable. I want to crawl out of my skin, I want to flay it off, it's too uncomfortable to wear anymore.
My thoughts are racing still, and they seem to just be getting dark. I feel like I'm losing this battle with my illness, I feel like I'm losing my will to fight. Part of me wants to just give up and let it take over. I don't feel invincible anymore, I feel incredibly vulnerable instead. I want someone to hold me and tell me it will be alright, and then I want to shove them off of me and scream! I don't even know what I want. My wife asked me last night what she could do for me and I told her I have no idea. I really don't.
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"Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten" - G.K. Chesterton Dx- Bipolar Disorder I PTSD OCD Meds- I am currently Med Free 
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 Anonymous45023, wildflowerchild25
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#2
Jul 28, 2014, 09:50 AM
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OutlawedSpirit, I'm sorry you are having such a tough time, but I can relate to all you said. I'm kind of in the same spot. My insides are simmering and threatening to over flow. Of course, I'm at work and can't let out the feelings or there will be trouble.
I feel vulnerale too. I'm glad you have your wife to give you hugs. I hope you get to feeling better soon. 
__________________
Bipolar I, Depression, GAD Meds: Zoloft, Zyprexa, Ritalin "Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." -Buddha  |
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#3
Jul 28, 2014, 03:28 PM
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Have you called your Pdoc back? .. since the slight increase you were given hasnt helped
I feel very bad for you .. feeling that way is so terrible.
__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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#4
Jul 28, 2014, 03:30 PM
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I have an appointment tonight. In 3 hours as a matter if fact but it still seems so far away
__________________
"Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten" - G.K. Chesterton Dx- Bipolar Disorder I PTSD OCD Meds- I am currently Med Free
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#5
Jul 28, 2014, 03:34 PM
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YAY ! I am glad you have an appt .. Best Pdocs sees you dealing with this in real life.
__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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#6
Jul 28, 2014, 08:32 PM
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Well pdoc has sent me to the ER for a psych eval. This is turning out to be just a great night.
__________________
"Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten" - G.K. Chesterton Dx- Bipolar Disorder I PTSD OCD Meds- I am currently Med Free
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#7
Jul 30, 2014, 09:43 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Dx: Bipolar I, ADD, GAD. Rx: Fluoxetine, Buproprion, Olanzapine, Lamictal, and Strattera. |
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#8
Jul 30, 2014, 09:55 PM
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Yes, how are you doing now?
__________________
Bipolar II / GAD / SAD / PMDD ------------ Prozac 30mg, Wellbutrin 150mg, Latuda 40mg |
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#9
Jul 30, 2014, 09:55 PM
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Sorry to say this but maybe it is not a bad thing to have to go to the ER because I know when I get in those sort of moods I cannot make the right decisions and I am now a harm to myself. I hope it all works out for you and that you are safe. Best Wishes.
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#10
Jul 31, 2014, 06:41 AM
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The eval went ok. I started a partial hospitalization program yesterday. I see the pdoc today so hopefully they aren't like my regular pdoc and just say idk what to do.
__________________
"Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten" - G.K. Chesterton Dx- Bipolar Disorder I PTSD OCD Meds- I am currently Med Free
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