Right decision?

Today i had my dr appt. She is reviewing me weekly for the past three weeks becoz i had been unstable and kinda getting worse.

I usually give her copies of my journals written in eng coz i dun communicate well verbally. Today my mum brought along my sketches of my violent thoughts from last week and week before. My dr didn't want to IP me in the past weeks but today she gave me the option of going IP. Meanwhile, she has been adjusting and increasing my med too. I had been feeling manageable with less violent thoughts for the last few days so I thought i can postpone it. Plus, I am seeing her next week and I can go AnE anytime if necessary. I walked away from the offer.

But then all of a sudden this evening i started feeling frustrated and mad for no reason. Like i wana cry but not really, wana scream my lungs out. My head is torturing me that it feels like I wana scratch my eyes out and rip my head open. I can't explain the frustration but i hope you get what i mean. I banged and hit things.

Did I make a right decision today? It's hard to walk into ward when you are feeling alright and in control, so i thought IP was not yet needed this afternoon.

Hello, optimistic_dolphin. What you describe is not good. The decision is yours to make.

I wish you well.

You should call or go see your Pdoc .. Going Inpatient isnt a horrible thing .. Its a place that you will be safe and medications can be started and maybe increased quicker then normal because you will be monitored . There is lots of group therapy sessions to learn coping skills and how to actually use them ..

Get in touch with your pdoc and be honest about how your feeling .

Good luck

I see why you may have felt better this afternoon and wanted to avoid inpatient but as you say you are feeling very violent toward yourself and others, and it came back this afternoon. It is up to you whether you feel like you can control yourself on the outside. They can help you feel better faster inpatient because they can up your medicine quicker than they can on the outside. I can see from your recent posts that you are very uncomfortable. You don't have to continue feeling this way. There is help available. But I understand yor hesitance to go inpatient. I always wait until I am basically forced to go. I hope it doesn't come down to that for you.

sadly for my IP, there's no group therapy. i only see dr and stay in ward, which is like an open dorm

thanks for noticing. for the past 1-2months things have been going downhill. i'm gg IP soon, hopefully before my next appt Wed. it's hard to go to AnE at the right time coz my mum will be along. if i go there at night, which is the time i am at the worst, we have to wait overnight for ambulance to transit me to another hosp with psych ward.

Are you able to find a Therapist ? Therapy can be very helpful in becoming more stable. Im sorry your IP doesnt have that .

IP is useful. i learned a lot from both times I went in. i know it feels like ur failing when you need to go but its a sign that you arent failing and you are making a desicon to get healthy. i do recoment seeking therapy as you can get coping skills but sometimes you do need the help IP offers to get through a markedly rough patch.

Private therapist costs tons here. the govt one is packed and i only get to see her every 4-6 months. that's crappy so i stopped going. my mum is urging IP coz i am behaving 'strangely'. i don't feel it tho. Probably going later today or soon

I am assuming that if you were to go inpatient that at least your medications can be adjusted ? If they can at least adjust your meds then it would be worthwhile ... There are lots of self study ways that you can look for online that would help you since Therapy isnt avaible to you.

If your mom is really worried for you.. maybe you should go .

I'm thinking of you and hopeful that you are right where you need to be.

How are you doing? Did you decide to go ip?

some update
i m inpatient now
taking med is helping. dr is doing CBT and adjusting med
u take care too

thanks for your concern
some update
i m inpatient now
taking med is helping. dr is doing CBT and adjusting med
u take care too

I'm glad you're getting more help. I hope they can make you more comfortable in your own skin. You were suffering greatly. Good luck and keep us updated when you get out.

I think going inpatient was a very wise choice. Good for you .. that takes courage so pat yourself on the back .