[tigersassy]

So I'm back to how I was upbeat talkative excited everywhere. So I decided that the bit of hostility that I had yesterday was part of my (hypo)mania. I spoke to my psych nurse. Got some reassurance from him. I'm on a bit of a therapy vacation. (Had been dealing with childhood abuse, deep poop.) . I'm hesitant to tell him (psych nurse) everything going on in my head. I'm not sure what he would consider enough to have me go inpatient. When I first started talking to him he wanted me to go inpatient. I fought that and now he seems to respect my capabilities and awareness of what I'm dealing with.

I'm curious about what is deemed psychotic features. What psychotic features deem hospital stays? When is the proper time to disclose psychotic features? I don't think I'm psychotic.

So I talked to my wife about what happened yesterday trying to rationalize quitting everything associated with my mental health. And guess what she pulls out (mind you we have been best friends since 3rd grade with some drifting after she first told me how she felt about me [I was in denial about being a lesbian]) that if I quit she'd put money down that in no more than 5 years I would either be voluntarily seeing a psych team or involuntarily held in a hospital. 😦 Apparently she's seen more than I thought she had.

I'm sure there's bound to be more, but for now that's it.

[pawn78]

I don't think you are psychotic. You are definitely manic out the yin-yang!!!
When I'm psychotic, it's scary. I am delusional, erratic bizarre behavior, hallucinations, paranoia, grandiosity, whack out religious ideas... I'm a raving madman. Luckily it is very rare that I go over the edge like that. Now that I'm medicated and have support systems in place, I highly doubt I'll ever be psychotic again, unless I get massively triggered or take a crapload of LSD or something.

[glok]

Hello, tigersassy. Why hide important information from those you at least seem to want to help you? How can the professionals give you their best work if you are sabotaging them?

I wish you well.

[tigersassy]

Ok question... what classifies me as manic out the yin-yang?

[pawn78]

Originally Posted by tigersassy

Ok question... what classifies me as manic out the yin-yang?

Extreme energy, rapid speech, trouble sleeping, racing thoughts, excited, elevated mood, hyper focused on tasks, irritability, wandering attention, obsessive...

You really can't recognize that you are manic? It's pretty obvious.

[tigersassy]

Originally Posted by glok

Hello, tigersassy. Why hide important information from those you at least seem to want to help you? How can the professionals give you their best work if you are sabotaging them?

I wish you well.

It's not a question of hiding it. I just talk in circles about topics I'm uncomfortable with. If I met with my psych nurse in person it might be different, but he's one of the ones through a phone line. If that makes sense. If I'm going to say something that's going to get me referred inpatient I'd rather the person see me and not just hear me does that make sense?

[tigersassy]

Originally Posted by pawn78

Extreme energy, rapid speech, trouble sleeping, racing thoughts, excited, elevated mood, hyper focused on tasks, irritability, wandering attention, obsessive...

You really can't recognize that you are manic? It's pretty obvious.

No I thought I was just a little hypo. That's what regular Dr said. Reason want to see Pdoc. Cause I know PCP Dr doesn't get the mental stuff to well. Plus I don't know a lot about this condition. Never even thought about it being me till therapist mentioned it and told me to see my PCP for bandaid fix and start looking for a Pdoc.

[tigersassy]

Did take my seroquel tonight hope I get some sleep. Went on a fairly long walk, haven't watched much tv today. I definitely need to research more. Thank you pawn and thank you glok. Here's hoping two weeks go quickly. I do get a 4 day weekend next Thu thru Sun planning on going camping which could either help this or make it worse. But it's something to look forward to. I just have to finish my 10 day stretch 7 days left.

[tigersassy]

Just because I don't want to start another dead end thread I'll continue here. I'm frustrated. I want to be better, but then I think of my grandma who I'm fairly certain had bipolar based on her actions (she's never been treated that I know of) who is in her 60's-70's and what she's like. I don't want to be like her. She denies anything is wrong, she throws her job up in everyone's face (she retired as a nurse from the state of Indiana), she doesn't take any medicine how it's prescribed, she abuses alcohol, and had some serious splurge problems (money, men, trips). I don't want that. I know there is something not quite center with me, reason why I'm trying to get help. I control how much I drink if I drink because I've been witness to too many drunk drives and assaults.
But then here I am talking about not wanting to continue treatment because of some scheduling issues. That would make me like her. Or not taking my meds because I feel fantastic so I must not need them.
Then there's the thought that occasionally consumes me. The thought that I could do something to change this world. It varies every time, but omg aren't they wonderful ideas? Today's to become a politician. A "clean" politician no corporate money as back up and take the politics back to the way they were meant to be. Or what about changing the way the government does assistance. I'm a firm believer that every single person can do something.
I've got to stand for something (or you'll fall for anything). My body is winning the struggle to sleep, I'm going to have to nap. Hopefully it'll keep me from full on migraine.
And religion. I was raised Baptist. Not my cup of tea. Explored several other branches of Christianity, but I've found something that calls to me on all levels which I feel what I needed. Religion has been one of manic obsessions. Now I've started referring to myself as a spiritualist. I believe in nature and magic.
I need to ground...