They're not my kids

I was recently in the hospital for a suicide attempt. While I was in there we identified what caused me to snap. In fact it was my brothers and sisters always dropping their kids off to me. Day in and day out I would be stuck babysitting their kids. The kids ranged anywhere from 3 years of age to 12. They didn't listen to me and would whine and cry when they didn't get what they wanted. It just came to the point where I have had enough and I wanted to end my life because of it. I've made attempts to put a stop to by telling my siblings I was busy or by just saying no and they still dropped the kids off.

When I left the hospital the doctors called my mom and told her that I absolutely cannot babysit anymore or I'll end up back where I started. So my mom went around and told them what the doctors said. Just a few days later my brother is asking me to watch his kid. A couple days after that I got stuck with my sisters kids for a week. During the time I had them I had such negative and bad thoughts I thought I was going crazy. I took the liberty of writing down some of the thoughts I was having and showed it to my therapist and he said its ok as long as I don't act on my thoughts. It was so hard for me not to.

I understand that acting on my thoughts is bad. It was so hard for me not go and just strangle those kids at times. How am I suppose to channel my anger and frustration into something else? Especially when I'm not suppose to babysitting anyway. They are not my kids I don't have to look after them that's what they parents for.

I would get anger with my brothers and sisters, too. You need to just down right refuse and if that means getting angry at your brothers and sisters so be it. Make sure they understand it is not safe for you or their children right now. If they just drop by just don't answer the door.

Where is your mom while this is going on? Do you live with her?

I do live with my mom. she is usually at work

Sorry about your situation, I can't imaging coping for a whole week with someone elses kids. I think you are being too nice. You need to refuse to take care of them. Have them put the kids back in the car and leave. You are not a bad person for doing this. You need to look out for your mental health. Your siblings are taking advantage of you. You attempted suicide for a reason. If you are constantly around those triggers your not going to do well.Sit down with your mother and talk with your siblings about what you told us on this site. Tell them to line up alternative child care. I hope this helps

You need to stand up for yourself. Your siblings are abusing you! you have a mental illness and they are using you! Tell them to shove off!!! You have every right to do that, they are actually irresponsible parents leaving their kids with someone as unstable as you are.

You are worth a lot! Don't let them walk on you like a doormat.

Your siblings are totally taking advantage of you, and leaving their kids with someone in a vulnerable state. For both your and the kids' safety, please give them a firm no and let them know you can't watch their kids any longer. They are not your responsibility!

(((hugs)))

Just tell them all that it ends right now ! Just say no and stick to it.

Go to their work and drop off their children. I bet that would be the last time they use you in that way.

You tried to commit suicide over this? Are they serious? They must not care for you too much if they continue to do this. It's dangerous for everyone. I've never done anything while psychotic, but if I had tiny ones screaming at me, I might whap them. You don't know when you might snap. Kids are tough enough when they are your own. This might sound crazy, but i would not open the door and tell them if they don't go away you'll call the police. These are toxic relatives. Get out and protect yourself now.

i agree. u need to tell them again no more. they need to get a sitter for them. this is ridiculous.

Tell them you want $500 cash a week non sequential bills and it has to payed before you watch them oh and this is per kid. My friend went through this with her sisters kids I ended up having to talk to the sister and the in law I told them this was going to stop and gave them some hand outs from local day cares. I am lucky to be a big intimidating guy and got my point across to them.

One of my cousins used me this way until she stopped by one day and I flat out told her "I'm stressed to the breaking point. How would you feel if you came back and your child or I or both were dead? It's a distinct possibility today." She told me I was insane and has NEVER asked me to babysit again. Would I ever hurt a child? No, but she doesn't need to know that.

Firm boundaries need to be set in place, boundaries that have your best interest at heart.

Id tell them there are plenty of daycares out there and do not ever drop your kids off with me without my permission again.

I can empathize with you because it got like that to a point with my younger cousins (who were at that time probably about 1 and 4). T's told me (and now I tell/agree with you that) they are not my (or your) responsibility - but I would feel like without me, they're parents wouldn't have childcare, may lose their job, they'd be hungry/homeless - and it'd be my own selfish fault.

What I had to do was stop being available. I would grab my laptop early that morning, and go to Barnes & Noble or Starbucks for the day. It felt a little weird at first, but it became so relaxing and empowering and much easier to say no. My mom, like yours, mentioned the overuse of me to them but it didn't change much. So when I stopped being available, she had to fill in and it didn't take but a week before she became sick of it and told them they needed to get their 'stuff' together. It didn't completely change the situation but we have them less often and with my permission. They are over three to four days a week now vs. six/seven; they were even coming over and staying the whole day on their days off of work. The kids were so used to coming to me for things that they would ask me even if their parents were right next to me (now I deflect those needs to the parents).

Not trying to hijack your thread, I just don't want you to feel you are alone in your struggle. I'm sorry to hear that you have to go through this, but i've honestly found the only way to put an end to it is to prove that you are unavailable. And, if all else fails, I would definitely do the no door answer followed by dropping the child off at work with the parent. The parent doesn't regard your time, feelings or business and so it's time to show them what it feels like. Sometimes you just have to say enough is enough. You are worth more than the treatment you are allowing. It will be hard to be the 'bad guy' but remember - you've tried the nice/decent approach. This isn't something that just started and you're overreacting. This is your health, happiness, time, energy and ultimately your choice. Even if you had no reason for not wanting to watch them - that is your prerogative. As you said, they are not your kids. No one can be a better advocate for you than you.

The thing that helps me when family members try to drag me into their drama is to remember: "Not my circus, not my monkeys." Your siblings are definitely taking advantage of you, and it must stop. Shame on those people for continuing to put you in an impossible situation! But you are the one who's going to have to stop it; it is NOT worth attempting suicide over. Stand up for yourself and refused to be abused any further. Those children are NOT your responsibility. Again, "not my circus, not my monkeys". Good luck to you.

I completely understand what your saying. I used to live with my bf and his sister and her 3 kids. they were very loud disobedient and disrespectful. and my bf. would leave me alone with them to deal with it. it was very triggering for me as I wasn't on any medication at that time. its part of the reason I got back on medication. I eventually left a year ago because it was still a struggle for me. guidelines need to be set to keep yourself on track. you have to think of yourself. not trying to be selfish way but in an I care about myself and my mental health way. becoming mentally unstable is one if the worst feelings in the world. if your family really cares about you and your well being then they won't pressure you or force you into watching their kids. at the same time you must take a stand for yourself too.

You need to put up a boundary for yourself and know that your family will continue to try to push that boundary. You just have to stick to it like a broken record, no matter how much they try to push your boundaries. They will push because they want to see if you mean it.

On a side note, I have felt triggered many times while parenting and found meds, counseling, CBT and parenting skills helped with coping. It can be very challenging to look after children.