[VanillaBean66]

Hi everyone. New forum user here, but not new to Depression/BiPolar II.

It is common for those with BP to stop taking drugs due to feeling better. I suspect that my problem is different. I stop taking them because I don't think I deserve to feel better. I take my meds at night, and sometimes it's just impossible to make myself get a glass of water before I go to bed, in order to take the pills. I just don't seem to be able to care enough to summon the energy to take the dang things.

I missed a couple of doses 3 weeks ago due to being on an adventure vacation and drinking alcohol (stupid, I know, but hard to resist since it was my 50th birthday.) Then, I picked meds up again for a few days, came back home, was fired from my job of 2 months ("not compatible"), and missed quite a few doses after that.

Of course, my BP depression has got far more severe over the last week, and I'm feeling empty, useless and that life has utterly no meaning whatsoever. I have one friend and my parents and that's it, so am extremely lonely. Even so, my friend's been worried about me and I've hidden like a coward and not wanted to talk to her. All typical behaviors for me, unfortunately. I'm obviously sick, and I know I've got to get back on my meds. as the only way to get better, so I'm back to trying hard to do that each day.

My question is, what kind of experiences do you all have about stopping meds on your own? Can anyone identify with what I do, or do you have other reasons that make you just stop for "no reason". I think that stopping meds is the single most important thing that we BP-ers do that drives our friends and family nuts because it makes no sense to them, not having the illness themselves.

Thanks for reading, and I'm looking forward to hearing about everyone's experiences.

[Victoria'smom]

I originally had a horrible time taking medication. Anything from the shape of the pill, time of day i have to take it, to it's positive or negitive side effects. The first psychiatrist i couldnt explain why, my second psychiatrist along with my therapist helped narrow the real resions why. I dont take most of my prescribed medication for my phisical issues but I've worked with my therapist and dr to make a mostly working meds and routeine to keep me on meds. My therapist works very hard when any medication changes are needed. First to get me to accept i need changes, then to ask for those changes, then to take the meds.

That's not to say im any good at it I miss about 5 days a month on adverage. My prn is only used in cases that i should have been hospitalized long ago. Here's the thing some meds are very dangours going on and off of, some have short half lives, some take a long time to get into your system but because of your inability to properly take meds meds that have these qualities should not be on your list of.things to try. Go to the dr and be honest. Get a therapist to help you.

Your looking for safe, long acting medication, that is fast acting. Unfortainally injectables may be your anwser. Or your doctor maybe like mine who found a drug that's withdraw starts out so uncomfertable that you have to take it as soon as it starts. The things you listed aren't no reason. Have you thought of keeping a frozen water bottle next to your bed

[BlackPup]

I have been ridiculously non compliant with meds in the past but now I'm pretty good. The reasons have varied from the usual - I think I'm better so I stop when manic, to what you describe, feeling unworthy of the meds when I'm depressed. I also struggle with remembering to take them. I keep them in a dosette box next to my toothbrush and just use the tap water to swallow them. I'm much better now because I've lived through the effects of not taking them so many times and I've worked with my therapist to feel better about myself. Hope you can start taking your meds again and feel better soon. Can you get an emergency adapt with your pdoc?