[Zebra821]

Hi! So I recently posted a thread on the general forum and was directed here.

I'm 22 and living with bipolar disorder.

I am obsessed with the highs. Everything seems so dull if it's not completely amazing and colorful. Life is depressing without mania. I was offered a mood stabilizer (I'm already on abilify) and I was so devastated. What would I do without that feeling of invincibility? How do you guys deal with being "normal" when you've felt so amazing before hand? Everything seems so... sub-par.

Thanks in advance

[vans1974]

Originally Posted by Zebra821

Hi! So I recently posted a thread on the general forum and was directed here.

I'm 22 and living with bipolar disorder.

I am obsessed with the highs. Everything seems so dull if it's not completely amazing and colorful. Life is depressing without mania. I was offered a mood stabilizer (I'm already on abilify) and I was so devastated. What would I do without that feeling of invincibility? How do you guys deal with being "normal" when you've felt so amazing before hand? Everything seems so... sub-par.

Thanks in advance

Hey not to rain on your parade, but it's taken me years to accept that not being in a euporic hypmainia is okay...It's so difficult since the highs are so wonderful. However, in just 5 minutes of a high, I nearly lost everything like my family, job, almost got a felony, was in 12 point restraints, all because I was trying to sustain hypomania. Where most of the time I'm a little down, since I'm bipolar II, but in nearly 22 years in a low episode, I've never once attempted suicide or done anything detrimental to me or my family. I'd just caution you to be careful with hympomania/mania...best of luck and you can learn to be happy not being hympomanic/manic!!!!

[Victoria'smom]

I love and miss my euphoric mania but to fast they became angry psychotic mania after awhile. Psychosis is generally not pretty. With meds I'm on the high side of normal which is nice. My extremes are not as high/low but they last longer. Meaning depression actually become dangerous to me when it has never been before. I get to enjoy and use my highs more. Stable does not mean normal in my case it means carefully and nearly missing being hospitalized at times.

I continue to get help solely for my family and my fear of incarceration. Have you looked into a high intensity sport?

[InsideBlackBox]

Originally Posted by Zebra821

Hi! So I recently posted a thread on the general forum and was directed here.

I'm 22 and living with bipolar disorder.

I am obsessed with the highs. Everything seems so dull if it's not completely amazing and colorful. Life is depressing without mania. I was offered a mood stabilizer (I'm already on abilify) and I was so devastated. What would I do without that feeling of invincibility? How do you guys deal with being "normal" when you've felt so amazing before hand? Everything seems so... sub-par.

Thanks in advance

Ive been where you are. In fact, I have days when I would give anything for those highs. I realize that normal isn't depression. the impulsive behaviors I had on my high cycles is now replaced by new activities, new hobbies.
I can sit for long periods reading, crocheting, writing, meditation, and yoga. These activities would never have accomplished effectively when I was untreated. I relish in my accomplishments of wellness. Hope that helps.

[BipolaRNurse]

Oh boy do I hear you, OP. I've been feeling a bit sorry for myself lately because I miss my hypomania so much. I don't miss mania itself---that's when I get angry and irritable and I lose the filter between my brain and my mouth. But the hypomania is great....every day is the BEST DAY EVER and I love EVERYBODY and holy crap, look at all the COLORS!!!!

But, I have to content myself with being stable, because that's the best thing for me (and everyone else around me). I take my meds and stick with my sleep schedule, and for the most part I do well. Still miss the excitement and the feeling of being 10 feet tall and bulletproof though.

Certain medications are "mood stabilizers". Meaning, we remain in the middle without the out-of-midrange highs or lows. I don't know a single bipolar person who wants to give up the highs - at least, hypomanic highs. The problem, of course, is when we keep the highs we are also accepting that we will battle the lows. It's like the proverbial deal with the devil. I often think of the lyrics to The Eagles song..."You're losin' all your highs and lows/ Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?.

Then another Eagles song pops into my mind: "Every point of refuge has its price..."

[InsideBlackBox]

Originally Posted by InsideBlackBox

Ive been where you are. In fact, I have days when I would give anything for those highs. I realize that normal isn't depression. the impulsive behaviors I had on my high cycles is now replaced by new activities, new hobbies.
I can sit for long periods reading, crocheting, writing, meditation, and yoga. These activities would never have accomplished effectively when I was untreated. I relish in my accomplishments of wellness. Hope that helps.

I stand corrected it is the hypomania as well.

[pawn78]

I feel the same. I just came off a hypomanic episode. I was working crazy hours, making tons of money, had extra energy and motivation, didn't need much sleep. It was great, I was so productive!
Now I am mildly depressed. I am sleep 10 hours, sometimes more, catching up from the hypomanic sleep deprivation. I have very little motivation, I can't even do the dishes lately and they are piling up.
It is pathetic. Just a few weeks ago, I was superman, and now I just feel like a slug. I miss the energetic man I was before.