[_mom2boys_]

I'm depressed and very emotional. When I get in my "low" I constantly think "why me" and can never see the light at the end of the tunnel. After going through a few weeks of hypomania and feeling pretty good, I guess I was teased with the fact that maybe my medication had started to kick in. But here I am, no motivation to even shower or eat, and yet I still have to put on my fake smile and go to work every day. I'm so mentally exhausted and that only makes my depression worse.

Will this literally be my life forever? With proper medication and doses, will I still have these mood swings? I see people who have been on meds for years still talk about their mania and depression and it makes me think "What's the point?" Why should I even take meds if the end result will still be the same - me being as messed up mentally as I was in the beginning? I've been told there is no "cure" for bipolar but honestly I even doubt that there is treatment.

I have my first therapy appt next week which I hope will give me more insight to my new diagnosis but even that I feel will be a lost cause. I have no hope for the future. I just go through each day trying to fake it as best I can for my kids and husband. I feel like such a burden on everybody around me that I bottle it up and keep it inside which I know is not good. I hate that I am like this and feel like I just want to shut down.

[pawn78]

There is no cure, so yes, you will likely have mood swings your whole life.
However, medication and therapy can be very powerful at stabilizing your mood. Some people even go into remission for years with no symptoms.

Example: Dad is bipolar 1, alcohol triggered him into horrible psychotic manias, and also deep depressions. He was hospitalized 5 times, and came close to death a few times. He is now symptom free, and he has been this way for almost 20 years wiht NO MEDICATION. He is in total remission as of now.

[Angry1541]

Originally Posted by _mom2boys_

I'm depressed and very emotional. When I get in my "low" I constantly think "why me" and can never see the light at the end of the tunnel. After going through a few weeks of hypomania and feeling pretty good, I guess I was teased with the fact that maybe my medication had started to kick in. But here I am, no motivation to even shower or eat, and yet I still have to put on my fake smile and go to work every day. I'm so mentally exhausted and that only makes my depression worse.

I can relate -- only a few months ago I was in a serious depressive state. It does end...trust me...one day you will notice you are no longer depressed -- for it was like a switch was flipped and I wasn't depressed anymore...crazy I know.

Originally Posted by _mom2boys_

Will this literally be my life forever? With proper medication and doses, will I still have these mood swings? I see people who have been on meds for years still talk about their mania and depression and it makes me think "What's the point?" Why should I even take meds if the end result will still be the same - me being as messed up mentally as I was in the beginning? I've been told there is no "cure" for bipolar but honestly I even doubt that there is treatment.

I have been on Zoloft for a few months (since my major depressive episode) and gabapentin for about a year. I can say, that while I still have episode of hypomania which peek at a low true manic state, the meds have made me better able to handle and live through these....before meds when I would hit peek, I would be the most angry person in the world....at work, home, wherever...no one escaped my wrath or disdain. But the gaba has allowed me to get through these episodes without the anger I would normally feel -- maybe I need to adjust to a different drug to keep me from even peeking there, but I can say the drugs DO help....They aren't a magic bullet, just a tool to help you deal with stuff....

Originally Posted by _mom2boys_

I have my first therapy appt next week which I hope will give me more insight to my new diagnosis but even that I feel will be a lost cause. I have no hope for the future. I just go through each day trying to fake it as best I can for my kids and husband. I feel like such a burden on everybody around me that I bottle it up and keep it inside which I know is not good. I hate that I am like this and feel like I just want to shut down.

Therapy is good to work through things like life coaching....breaking out of old ways of thinking and re-organizing you outlook on things. In my case, I have nearly 40 years of crap build up as a means to deal with this issue when it was undiagnosed...which is as murdered my self-esteem, made me not trust in my emotions, made me bottle everything up inside, turn to drug and drink, etc etc...therapy is good to help you work through those issues.

Good Luck -- We're all pulling for you!

~angry1541

[newtothis31]

Sorry to hear about your pain, mom2boys. Finding the proper medication that results in the best treatment for you is a long, hard process. This past year, all of my p-doc visits resulted in some type of change to my medication. On my insurance paperwork, he submits my condition categorized as "moderate" (it falls exactly in the middle of the categories he can select).

I am closer than I've ever been to having an optimal medication plan- but I still experience hypomania- and it is something where I've had to learn to realize from the on-set that it's not good and search for ways that I can mentally level myself and have a "planned crash."

From reading what you've written- it sounds like there is a lot for you to benefit by adding a therapist to your treatment mix. It'll help you gain a better understanding of your emotions & how it affects your health, give you some insight on how to strengthen your relationships, as well as ways that you can better cope when you start to have BP symptoms.

Keep fighting! You are doing all of the right things to get the best long-term treatment plan in place- try not let the tendency to have self-doubt get in the way.

[~Christina]

When your in a depression it really feels like it will never never end but Bipolar works in cycles you will indeed cycle out of the depressive phase .

It can often take time to find the right meds that work the best for you

Meanwhile , seeing a T is so very important .. You can learn ways to look at Bipolar differently...Learn coping skills that will help you function and also teach how and when to actually apply them.

Bipolar needs to be treated from all angles.

Things will improve and you will still have a wonderful life despite dealing with some ups and downs.