I hate my behavior and myself

I discussed this at mental health clinic during my last visit. I'm told it's how bipolar affects my behavior. I just can't deal with people any longer. I was in retail type sales positions for 15 years and included getting fired 3 times. I hate people, unless it's just shooting the bull conversations. For the last 3 years,, I have been having major issues when out in public at grocery stores, restaurants, Wal Mart, and etc. I have these mood swings if something upsets me and I use profanity in my language dealing with them.

I want to stop and I pray constantly to stop, Short of cutting my tongue off, I don't know what to do. It's because of mood swings. I don't talk or act like that if/when I am calm.

Anyone know what kind of bipolar meds help to keep a person calm and mellow?

I'm on Depacote currently. The only thing positive so far after 10 months is suicidal tendencies have diminished somewhat, but I'm still having mood swings.

The mood swings are why I am so terrified to be around people and why I'm terrified to try to get back to work, even though I will very soon be in financial crisis. I think that's weighing down on me as well and amplifying my bipolar.

Any suggestions? Do I use nylon or cotton rope (j/k)

WHY CAN'T I WAKE UP AND SNAP OUT OF THIS FUNK OF A HAZE that's keeping me from moving forward with my life. It's as though my life has been put on limbo because of this shite.
I would understand if it was cancer or a stroke, but come on. Why can't I ****'n shake this?

You sound a lot like how I feel sometimes. I'm unemployed for that reason. .
Are you bipolar 2? You sound like it.

I have read about depakote and I don't think I would like it. I'm not a doctor but it seems like you need a med change. If your pdoc won't change you, go to someone who will.

Oh, I asked if you were bipolar 2, because if you are, I've been told lamictal should be the first med tried.

If you can find a drug for that please let me know. I have snapped a co workers over stupid stuff. (not even under their control) I get to a point I dont want to go anywhere because I just dont want to be around people. Be it walmart or the mall. Other times all I crave is to be around people (manic).

Im wondering why your Pdoc doesnt have you on a mood stabilizer.. Lamictal or Lithium?

Being on a mood stabilizer is usually the First medication tried

Have you discussed this with your pdoc?

You can't just "shake" off bipolar, any more than you could shake off cancer or diabetes. It's not a disease you can get rid of like the flu. I know you have a hard time accepting that, as I do, but it's the absolute truth.

I finally filed for disability. I'm tired of applying for jobs knowing I can't do them. Maybe you should think about it too, it takes a long time to get a hearing and many people are denied the first time or two. And please talk to your pdoc about your meds---you definitely need some tweaks!

Yep, the anger and irritability are part of it. It doesn't help that a lot of people and co-workers ARE idiots. Good luck!

The anti-psychotics are used for excessive agitation and irritability. Sometimes, psycho-stimulants (ritalin, adderall) are used depending on your diagnosis. Are you taking anti-anxiety meds (klonopin, xanax, ativan, etc.) ? They can help to a degree. I have the same problem with constant irritability. It really messes with your mind, scatters your thoughts and screws up mental and physical energy.

The idiots at the clinic tell me Depacote is a mood stabilizer.

I have told the peckerheads about my behavior. I can't tell them how to do their f'in job. That's why they went to school and make big bucks now. So, I wish they would do their job more effectively.

They tried Lithium first, and after 1 week, I stayed dizzy with a severe migraine for a week and I refused to take it any longer.

In response to several posts.... One year into this at clinic and I'm no better off. I'm receiving free treatment, so I guess I get what I pay for right? I don't have any other choice.

My appeal for a ssdi hearing was filed May 2013. It doesn't matter. I really figure I won't get it. So my mind has been made up for a while. I will end myself once I'm out of cash.

So, ya'll won't have to put up with me but for about another 6-12 months.

Hey .. Keep posting here , your not alone in this

I had that problem of getting along in public for a few years when i was off meds and really poor. I argued with everyone. I couldn't take a bus ride without arguing with the bus driver. It was miserable.

After i got back on meds and on disability benefits it slowly went away and now i am an angel -- cooperative, polite, patient. I'm assertive where appropriate but it's rarely required.

Not to discourage you, but it took about a year for the belligerent behavior to subside. Give it time.