[Kmmnewtobp]

So I finally broke down and told my "friends" about my diagnoses. It was the worst experience I could have imagined. They told me there is nothing wrong with me, that's it's all in my head. They told me to stop my pity party and think positive and I will be fine. They told me I have nothing to be depressed about and I need to start being grateful for my life. I guess after 15+ years of friendship I thought I would get support not ridicule. I wish I never would have said anything. Meeting with my therapist this morning, hoping she can give me some insight. What has been y'all's experience with telling friends and loved ones?

[optimistic_dolphin]

i have hardly opened up to any of my friends.
either they sense smth is wrong but never ask, like a mutual understanding, or more like a taboo
or they never sense or realise anythings wrong. I can pretend so well. when they asl how i am, i just say fine
sometimes i am tired of pretending. but the world doesn't evolve around me

as for relatives. same as above. they just think it's depression, which is way more understandable than bipolar. I am just skipping my meals out of depression rather than ED. Whatever, sometimes i wish they know so they can understand. but i realised it doesn't matter or go the way i want. One of my aunt knew i was depressed, and she offered me 'god' as solution and her experience. Thanks, but it doesn't help me to feel better.

[Skitz13]

I've lost a lot of friends. Not because I told them about my illness but because of my episodes. They couldn't take the craziness.

I seriously have a pet peeve with everything your friends said to you. All comments I've heard before.

Sorry this has happened to you but I bet you find that we have all suffered the same fate in one way or another.

[Fuzzybear]

I haven't had the greatest experiences either, "friends" were there for me when I was doing "well" but not when I needed them most...

to you

[loophole]

Pretty much don't tell a soul is what I've learned.... no one understands except those that are effected by it.... bipolar comes with a ton of false accusations because of media and other sorts. The general population doesn't even have what it means to have bipolar. Apparently I made the mistake of telling my wife because now anyone that I know in church knows. (including the pastor) there perception I can personally tell is skewed (especially more toward what my wife is apparently telling).. anyway.. talk about for better or worse... so yah. I wouldn't tell anyone personally. . I don't see much positive from telling anyone. .. all you gotta do is work on yourself. That's all you can do. Easier said then done trust me I know

[Tucson]

My freinds treated me alright. Some distanced themselves, others treat my MI the same as if I am retarded. Most felt I needed to be med free which IMO is a form of denial. But for the most part, I am now treated basically the same by my freinds.

[Angry1541]

Originally Posted by Kmmnewtobp

So I finally broke down and told my "friends" about my diagnoses. It was the worst experience I could have imagined. They told me there is nothing wrong with me, that's it's all in my head. They told me to stop my pity party and think positive and I will be fine. They told me I have nothing to be depressed about and I need to start being grateful for my life. I guess after 15+ years of friendship I thought I would get support not ridicule. I wish I never would have said anything. Meeting with my therapist this morning, hoping she can give me some insight. What has been y'all's experience with telling friends and loved ones?

Yeah, both the friends I told said diagnosis like this are a dime a dozen and that there's nothing wrong with me....

Okay...whatever...move on....and realize they have their opinions and I won't expect and support from them.

[~Christina]

I think your "friends" suck ! Im really sorry that you are being treated this way..

I have never felt the need to disclose to anyone outside my immediate family.

[catman1975]

Originally Posted by Kmmnewtobp

So I finally broke down and told my "friends" about my diagnoses. It was the worst experience I could have imagined. They told me there is nothing wrong with me, that's it's all in my head. They told me to stop my pity party and think positive and I will be fine. They told me I have nothing to be depressed about and I need to start being grateful for my life. I guess after 15+ years of friendship I thought I would get support not ridicule. I wish I never would have said anything. Meeting with my therapist this morning, hoping she can give me some insight. What has been y'all's experience with telling friends and loved ones?

You'll find a lot of people just don't acknowledge mental illness as a real illness, and usually nothing good comes from telling them. Be careful who you confide in. I'd like to see the day when people with mental illness are treated with the same respect as other people, but I will be dead and gone long before. Still, change can't come soon enough for most of us.

Best advice I can give is not to talk to such 'friends' about anything having to do with your illness. Instead, confide in your doc and other patients like those here who know what you are dealing with. I have people that are close to me that I can't talk to about my illness too. It's hard, but you learn to just avoid the subject.

[Kmmnewtobp]

I won't be telling anyone from this point on. I realize they are not truly affected by it so they really don't understand it. My husband knows and is my biggest supporter. I have no plans of telling anyone else in my family or any other friends. I think I need to focus on me from this point on. I met my new psychiatrist today. I feel much more comfortable with her handling my meds than I did my gp. We made some changes in my meds and I'm trying to stay positive that this will be a combination that works for me.
Thanks for all the responses, it's good to know I'm not alone and have a place to turn to for advice

[StayinAlive]

So sorry this happened to you. I have only told my best friend, who has known me almost 30 years, and immediate family. Because most people don't understand mental illness, I feel I need to be careful. Funny thing is...depression seems acceptable. I will tell people I've been depressed, but I would never say "bipolar."

Sorry you had this experience.

[BlackSheep79]

Not to be rude but those are not friends in my eyes. I'm so sick and tired of people being close minded and having no empathy. I think that is what makes us special because we have those qualities due to our experiences. I really don't have friends, no one close at least. When my MI hit I had distanced myself and have been that way for 18 years now. As far as my family goes my sister and husband are my biggest supporters. My sister deals with depression and can relate to that side of BP. My parents have caused more hurt than anything. In high school I remember them laughing at me with some of the things I would do with my OCD. My mom says she was there for me back then because she brought me to my pdoc and therapist appointments. It's hard to read them, but I think they are in denial about, like they don't want to admit there is something wrong with their daughter. I just can't have a relationship with that, too much hurt and lack of support. I hope that you are able to change your friends view on MI, you need all of the support you can get. If you can't get it from them we r definitely there for you.

[Creative1onder]

Originally Posted by Kmmnewtobp

So I finally broke down and told my "friends" about my diagnoses. It was the worst experience I could have imagined. They told me there is nothing wrong with me, that's it's all in my head. They told me to stop my pity party and think positive and I will be fine. They told me I have nothing to be depressed about and I need to start being grateful for my life. I guess after 15+ years of friendship I thought I would get support not ridicule. I wish I never would have said anything. Meeting with my therapist this morning, hoping she can give me some insight. What has been y'all's experience with telling friends and loved ones?

I think its probably hardest to tell friends about mental health issues. Well its hard to make and maintain friends even when depression or anxiety is quite severe. Even if you don't talk about it, mention actual diagnosis there may be factors in your behaviour etc that might make people act negatively towards you, pick up that your not doing well are vulnerable. Because a lot of people don't see depression as a serious mental and physical illness, they make comments as they wish, give advise thinking that its right. They associate depressed feeling with weak and negative character, lacking confidence, pessimistic.

[Creative1onder]

As for talking about Bipolar specifically it is harder to get people to take you seriously, believe you and understand and be supportive than just depression but both are hard to talk about .

[CozyMellie]

I've learned that each of my friends serve specific roles in my life. Some friends are "fun friends" to go out on adventures with but would never share personal deep things. Some are motivated logical people. Some friends are spiritual and may get it. In my experience, there's people who are fragile inside and can't handle emotionally charged issues. They are simply not available for that. One of my best friends, for over 10 years, couldn't understand what I was going through and would kinda shut down when I'd bring it up. I knew she felt uncomfortable but I didn't take it personally. (I never take things personally as a rule in my life) so knowing she didn't get it, I didn't dump her because I knew I couldn't have unreasonable expectations of people. Some just aren't equipped with skills to handle and understand. But that's okay - it doesn't make them bad. I would just find a friend at a support group or a friend who gets it and don't bother telling the others. Discern the roles friend have in your life.

Hope this makes sense and helps. It works for me

[Pikku Myy]

I have only told my immediate family (parents, sister) and two business partners. Of all those, everyone has been very supportive and understand MI. It also helped clarify some of my "silly" behavior to these persons, and they are a enormous support to me now. Other than the select few... not sure I would disclose what I have been going thru with any orher person.. Good luck and I am sure you will find new friends to replace those who have distanced themselves from you

[ozzy1313]

On the outside no one would ever know there was anything wrong with me. I have told friends and they don't even blink an eye. I wouldn't go around telling everyone, but since I do appear fine, (job, great family, social life, physically put together) sometimes I tell people just to break the stereotype. So that people understand that it isn't always like in the movies.

[ozzy1313]

Originally Posted by StayinAlive

So sorry this happened to you. I have only told my best friend, who has known me almost 30 years, and immediate family. Because most people don't understand mental illness, I feel I need to be careful. Funny thing is...depression seems acceptable. I will tell people I've been depressed, but I would never say "bipolar."

Sorry you had this experience.

I agree that it is easier to say you have depression than bipolar. People think bipolar and picture people going on crazy sprees, and dong other insane things- and almost no one has heard of BP2

[notALICE]

I don't really have any friends outside the home anymore. My husband knows and seems to revel in telling his friends I'm "clinically insane". It hurts. I know people will look at me different or be awkward around me.

Family knows. My kids know. I felt they had the right to know it might be inherited. (And yes, sadly, we already know it has by some) but at least it makes me aggressive getting help for them. Not brushing their concerns under the rug.

I am in a support group for depression/BP, when life isn't too busy. I open up there but haven't connected outside the group.

I would hesitate to tell any friends I might make because I don't want them to see me as BP and block out who I am. I have BP but I'm more than that.

I'm sorry. It's an outrage people can't accept it. Especially friends who've known you for years.

[Double Edge]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. This is exactly why I hate the term "mental illness," because it implies that it's somehow "in your mind" and something you have control over, when the fact is, it's just as physiological as cancer, or diabetes, or any other disease. I think a much better term would be "neurophysiological illness" or something that underscores the physical basis of these illnesses. So many people are so ignorant about illnesses in general, and their denial of them just reflects their inability to truly be a friend, some main parameters of which are sympathy, understanding, and acceptance. I hope that you can find some friends that will be there for you, or that maybe some of your current friends will come around, though of course I could understand your hesitation of even trying to get them to understand after those comments. My heart goes out to you. At least you're not alone on here.

[Hobbit House]

I told my friends about me being bipolar and I got the same response that most of you got. Denial, denial, denial! My boss knows because I have to take a physical for work and I have to list all medical conditions and meds I am taking.

[loophole]

Originally Posted by Hobbit House

I told my friends about me being bipolar and I got the same response that most of you got. Denial, denial, denial! My boss knows because I have to take a physical for work and I have to list all medical conditions and meds I am taking.

Wow I didn't think that information was allowed to be disclosed unless you felt comfortable actually telling your boss you are indeed bipolar? Maybe it's the amount of employees or your proffesion? I'd hate being forced to tell someone. Only one person in HR knows because of fmla.. she can't tell anyone or she'd get fired on the spot

[lilypup]

I am 55 years old and tired of hiding. I basically disclose to anyone who might be affected by my illness. This includes good friends, the in-laws, you name it. I also speak to groups about my mental illness through NAMI. If no one talks about this, the stigma will be there forever.
The only friend I know I have lost due to this is a gal I cancelled on a bunch cause I was depressed. She disappeared before I could explain things.
I DID lose a lot of friends when younger because of my crazy behavior. But they didn't know about my illness and basically thought I was a lying manipulative ****. and frankly, I was.

[Hobbit House]

Originally Posted by loophole

Wow I didn't think that information was allowed to be disclosed unless you felt comfortable actually telling your boss you are indeed bipolar? Maybe it's the amount of employees or your proffesion? I'd hate being forced to tell someone. Only one person in HR knows because of fmla.. she can't tell anyone or she'd get fired on the spot

I am a truck driver, we are regulated by the Department of Transportation. Because some meds can interfere with how you function I have to disclose what I am taking.

HR can and will disclose it from my experience, but not by law. Everything has to be proven in the court of law. It can be very hard to prove who and how information gets leaked.

I had/have a back injury. Happened years ago, but still affects me every day. The shitbags I worked for convinced me not to file worker's comp. and instead, go to a dr. myself. When I got back to work from dr. visit, HR had a meeting with me. The dr. had already called them and disclosed my diagnosis. After work, I went back to the dr. and went off in the office because the basterd would not come discuss it with me. I told his staff that I would own them all if I lost the job over it. I should have sued their pants off. Unfortunately, I was raised in church and raised not to do things like that. Now look, it cost me jobs and income. The very reason I went to retail to get away from repetitive lifting. And, I'm not a people person at all. I tried to do it for 15 years, until this mental stuff finally got the best of me.

That's why I absolutely do not trust doctors, hr depts., and coworkers. My siblings are the only ones on earth that I trust.

In reality though, if the dr. had come out, I would have beaten that sob dead right then and there. I would have gotten more pleasure from that than a lawsuit.