Crossroads

Hello everyone. Been diagnosed bipolar and on meds for two years now. I started seroquel200mg about two months ago. Knocks me out cold. To combat the grogginess at work, I've been taking caffeine pills for the past two weeks. Years ago I took mini thins and later ripped fuel (the one with ephedra in it). This kept me wired continuously. Looking back, I was definitely manic. Hyper sexual and basically thought I was destined for greatness.

Fast forward 10-15yrs, I'm married, have a similar job but turns out I wasn't destined for greatness. I know now it was an illusion. I'm just a normal guy.

Here's my dilemma. The caffeine pills have triggered hypo mania. Haven't been manic since February 2012. I didn't take my seroquel yesterday, just my Prozac40mg. I tried to stay up all day (I work nights) but I crashed at 2pm.

I woke up with dilated pupils. Took two more caffeine pills and three sudafed. I've missed the mania so much. Meds have mostly kept me so flat.

Just wanted to reach out to others for some support. I know I'm playing with fire, but I can't help myself. I have an addictive disposition. I wouldn't say I'm actually addicted to anything, but I have my moments. My father is a long time alcoholic. He actually lost his sight in his right eye from constricted blood vessels back in November 2008.

I guess I'm starting to ramble, but I'm eager to talk. I hope someone out there can relate.

I call it chasing the high. I know that is a phrase drug addicts use, but I feel that it is the same for me. Chasing the high mood of mania.
It is hard to feel so great and then so bad. I know. But Is there anything negative that you can remember about your last hypomanic state?

I have 2 kids. That keep me on meds when I am tempted to go off. What about your wife?
Zyprexa made me feel really drugged. Maybe you can try switching meds?

The only thing negative was the crash that followed. My wife is bipolar as well. She's doing the med go around right now. What concerns me is she has hallucinations sometimes. That just started over the past couple of months. Man I'm flying, serotonin is hitting me HARD!!!!

I'm kind of the same way, I take psycho stimulants like Nuvigil. I believe it's okay as long as you don't become foolish in your manic state!

My main problem was spending, but bankruptcy solved that. Hard to have a spending spree on $400 a week income between the two of us, lol. Btw, how's Vegas? Love that town.

Welcome to PC Nice to see another Tennessean !

I haven't had a pure manic episode since last October. I miss it something awful and am often tempted to mess with my meds to induce hypomania. I don't do it though because I know how hard it was to get to this place of relative stability---it took two solid years and some 25 med changes/adjustments. And if I were to sabotage myself by sneaking caffeine pills or other stimulants, I'd have people lined up to the California border waiting to gang-slap me.

Please don't do this to yourself. It's really not worth it. Besides, if you screw yourself up and then go back on the same meds, chances are they won't work as well, and if you're really unlucky they won't work at all. Stick with your prescribed meds and quit fooling with the stimulants, okay?

I definitely understand what you're going through.
I just came off a really intense manic episode (I didn't crash this time thankfully).
I've been considering ways to bring those feelings back, but I'm afraid of what might happen. Please be careful, if possible stop this before it gets out of control.

I don't pray, but I'll keep a good thought for you.

Good luck.

I can definitely relate, too. But not caffeine pills.
I used to take phentermine for weight loss. I still have some because I had to quit. A few days on those and it made me feel like electricity was running through my veins. But a few more days on them and I had tremors, sweating, heart palpitations and blood pressure of 170/95. Basically, going through the roof. The ER doctors thought I was on coke. Lol.

But yeah, I miss the high. But phentermine and one of my crazy meds, prozac, mess with serotonin. I know serotonin syndrome can be deadly, so it's not worth it.

Even knowing all of that, there are those days when I think, well, maybe just one little half wouldn't hurt me.....

So yeah, I can relate.

Thanks everyone. Had a wonderful Saturday night. Just hung out and listened to music about 14hrs straight. Took 400mg Seroquel to sleep and come down a bit. It was a very cleansing experience. Since then I've just been chilling with music and enjoying I nice plateau. Almost felt as if I was slipping into depression Sunday night, but slammed four beers, and that brought me back up. Not much of a drinker. But every once in a while I get the urge. At work now, slow night, but I still feel happy and generally just super relaxed and chill. I'll keep everyone posted.

I miss being manic. So addictive. But the crash is not so fun.

Talk to pdoc into changing your medication. There is a lot of good stuff. I love my meds.