[believer55]

Looking for advice on how to deal with SO during excessive anger episodes - lasting up to a week sometimes. In my face, follows me around house, yelling abuse at me in front of kids, incessant rcing thoughts . Start arguing over whats for dinner and it turns into "you don't love me..." etc. Not sure how to cope - logic obviously doesn't work, argueing back a big no-no, ignoring him inflames the situation....any advice would be welcomed.

[Disorder7]

I take it your SO is bipolar? Is he seeing a psychiatrist? If so, would it be possible for you to go with him to the psychiatrist and explain your concerns?
Is he on medication? If not, it really sounds like he should be.

In my opinion, but I'm frequently wrong, if he's bipolar there's not much you can do other than make sure he's getting help.
You need to take care of yourself and keep your kids safe.

[LacunaCoiler]

Sounds exactly like me sometimes. When I'm manic I love to pick fights with the gf about anything. One day we had a huge heated argument about socks. Yes socks! Something so trivial turned into a huge argument and i did pull the "you don't love me..." act too. I tend to pull it out in fights like these. I do feel bad because the gf is in your exact shoes; logic doesn't work or help, arguing only makes it worse, and ignoring me just pisses me off.

What has helped me a lot is seeing a therapist once a week. It originally started as therapy for my bipolar but it has moved into a hybrid couples counseling and that's actually made our relationship better. It helps her deal with me when my mood is all over the place and it helps me control my anger and my behavior, while seeing things from her point of view.

Maybe therapy is something you two (or at least he) could try.

[believer55]

Part of the problem is he has been referred to a psychologist for depression by his GP. I pretty sure he has agitated depression if not BPII but I am not sure if his therapist is even considering that. I have suggested we should see his therapist together as my depression is escalating. Thank you both for your replies - it means a lot.

[believer55]

RUSuffering - what you have described sound like him. He admits he is picking fights and says he can see it happening but can't stop it. He says such hurtful things at the time and then whe its over hates himself. I find it hard to forget the things he says about me and my children even though I know its not really him talking its his depression. I feel the hurt I am feeling may make me drift away from him and I don't want that. I am feeling hope for us hearing that your relationship has benefitted from counselling.

[LacunaCoiler]

I can say some pretty hurtful things at time and I do feel terrible afterwards when I come down. I spend so much time apologizing and making it up to her when I come down and feel better.

At first the gf found it hard to deal with and she did end up drifting away but eventually she learned to separate my illness and my behavior in manic states from me. She knows I would never say those things if my mind was in the right state and it has made it easier once she learned to differentiate between the two. Also the therapy helped a lot with this issue as well.

I wish you the best of luck if he or you two can get into some sort of counseling.