[Auja11007]

I'm not sure what to do or how to go about changing my current situation.

Right now there's nothing that excites me. I have no emotions nor do I feel any. I hear what people are saying but it's just sounds. Even "I love you's" from family doesn't stir emotion.

I use to love coming on here and talking with people, reading post and posting but now even that is something I haven't done in a long time.

All I do these days is write. Write on my blog and write in my mood logs. It seems to be the only thing that is a constant habit. Everything else has gone by the way side.

I see the things I use to love but just don't have the desire in trying to do them. I lost all emotional feelings over a month ago and they have yet to return. The only emotion I still seem to feel is fear and that's from the very disturbing dreams I've been having every night.

Has anyone else ever gotten like this and how did you pull out of it? Though there's no emotion there is a sense of desperation to feel like I'm human and not just something that breathes and moves.

I hope everyone's well. It's been some time since I've been on here. I apologize, I've just been so lost within myself and who I am.

[Disorder7]

Have you researched "emotional blunting"? It sounds a lot like it, but I'm not sure why. SSRIs are notorious for causing it, but it doesn't look like you're taking any. Unless there's one I don't recognize. Perhaps it's one of your other meds causing it?

I think the best thing to do is to see your pdoc and try to find out what's going on. It may be something as simple as changing a med or dosage.

I think all of us get depressed and lose our emotions as we cycle, but I don't think it's normal for you to be in a constant state like that. I hope you find out soon what's going on.

[Auja11007]

Thank you for responding.

I wondered the same thing about my meds. I actually saw my pDoc yesterday and told her everything, everything and she had no response other than changing in the dose of my latuda and giving me more Valium.

I will have to look that up and do some research. I'm constantly searching and seeking answers that I'm not being given. My pDoc doesn't seem to ever have any nor does anyone else.

[Disorder7]

Consider changing pdocs.
I'll change in a heartbeat if I don't think they're really trying to help. A lot of pdocs will just throw meds at you, and I'm not playing that game.
Good luck!

[Hopeful Camel]

I don't really have anything helpful to say. Just that I'm sending you good thoughts and that my heart goes out to you. It is rough, this BP stuff. I hope you feel better soon.

[~Christina]

Since your Pdoc was not very helpful maybe it is time to find a new one , A fresh set of eyes can make a world of a difference ..You are on alot of medications and you really need someone new to actually look at all of them and decide with you what your treatment plan should be tried.

If your already feeling emotionless why in the world would would your pdoc increase your Valium ? Its a benzio .. Its going to make your more of an emotionless Zombie ??? Makes no sense at all.

Do you have a Therapist? If not please get one they can be very helpful when your feeling this way,

Im glad to see you back

[loophole]

I found personally that benzos were a curse.. a curse to get off of (body becomes heavily dependent on them during long term steady use..) and while helping with anxiety sure... they made me feel dopey as all get out. . I personally would avoid a benzo like the plague.. just Google benzo with drawl. . Just hate to see anyone else go through that... as far as your meds go.. I would consider starting over if your on a lot of meds... hard to tell which is doing what plus mixing alot of meds is never considered ideal... get you a new/better pdoc that is willing to work with you and hopefully find the right me combination somewhere between 2 and 4 meds.. gl

[Auja11007]

Thank you for all the responses. I've been so disconnected that I've had a hard time doing much of anything lately.

I am looking for new pDoc. I also finally got in to see an internist to have everything checked out. He's suppose to be talking with my pDoc about the appointment and all the test he ran. They are checking for Lupus. I hope that's not the case but I have an apt with my pDoc that she scheduled so we will see.

She had increased the benzo because I had requested it. I do still have a lot of anxiety and it has been the only thing that's kept me calm and it's helping me sleep better. I rarely take it during the day and if I have to it's usually only 1/2 to calm me down.

The feelings still haven't returned. Nothing has really. I'm hoping this will change. I really, really do.

It's hard to get in with a pDoc in my area that's excepting new patients. I've called around continuously the past week or so and most don't have appointments available until months out. I know it's a start but I also know I need help sooner than later before it starts getting worse.

[Auja11007]

Originally Posted by Hopeful Camel

I don't really have anything helpful to say. Just that I'm sending you good thoughts and that my heart goes out to you. It is rough, this BP stuff. I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you, this means so much.

[LastQuestion]

It's important to slowly taper off benzos if you've been on them long enough to develop dependance (longer than two weeks). Your pdoc probably prescribed an increase due to the fear you've described. I'm with Loop on benzos being a plague. Benzo tolerance and dependance are poorly studied let alone how these conditions can affect a patient's long-term mental health.

Apathy, depression, and depersonalization are all things I've experienced. I'm starting to improve, closer to being able to feel. What I've done to do this is: a whole foods gluten free diet with less than 50g of refined sugar per day and no artificial sweeteners, daily exercise, reducing my medications to just Lamotrigine and Vyvanse, taking a multi-vitamin/mineral, Withania Somnifera (used in Indian medicine), L-Theanine, being mentally engaged in something (I read a lot), and the time necessary for Neuroplasticity to repair the damage done by medications and lifestyle choices.

It's been hard, especially because of the benzo withdrawal I'm in, but it seems to be working. I do know that psychiatry doesn't have all the answers, at least, not in the form of pharmaceutical medications.