Marijuana and Bipolar and more

This is about my experience of different drugs in combination with one another and my mental illness. It is a bit long, but are a lot of factors that create the end result that I am inquiring about, so only read if you're interested.

I am an 18 year old dude diagnosed with bipolar II, mild depression, anxiety, when I was 15 or 16. Self diagnosed with OCD though I never focused on that with a psych and it is mid. When I was 11 or 12 I was diagnosed with ADHD and ADD, like many many other teenagers.

Before I get into this, I am not seeking any advice. I am stable and enlightened and content with my life at this point. I am just seeking different perspectives, insights, and stories related to my experiences.

When I was 11/12 I got put on 54mg of Concerta for the ADHD/ADD. I stayed on that until I was about 15, at which point I realized what horrible effects it had on me. I never ate, had terrible sleep, was very irritable, etc. It is legal speed, in my opinion. A year or so after that, I did very poorly in school, stopped caring about anything and became totally lost in my own world, oblivious to how I was perceived by my peers. It was a lot different than how I viewed myself. So, I stopped doing any work at all and dropped out of school halfway through sophmore year in highschool. Over the following few months I saw different specialists got different treatments and at the end of it got the bipolar and anxiety and depression diagnoses. I was put 200mg Lamotragine (or Lamictol), 150mg Buproprion (or Wellbutrin), and .5mg Clonazepam (or klonopin). The first two on a daily basis, and the klonopin on a take as needed basis or for sleep. I have been on that ever since and it's a perfect fit, for the time being at least.
Before all that, I was a huge pothead. On and off from 6th grade, to a few months after being medicated, I smoked weed. In the last year of it, I was smoking like 5 times a day. It was something I really liked. Around the time I dropped out, right before I got diagnosed, I was having distortions/hallucinations (hearing things, surfaces morphing/shifting/closing in on me), and anxious restlessness and weed became something I needed on a higher level. It helped chill me out.
This whole thing in the end, is about a variety of factors and their roles in this. So I should mention, before I dropped out I tried acid once, hated it. It was terrifying and scarring. A third of the way my first trip, I discovered my iPod and the beatles helped me turn it around and have a good time. Nevertheless, it was not for me. It WAS for a lot of my friends, and I really wanted to be a person who liked it, and thought less of myself if i didn't. So, over the next few months I did it another 3 times in high doses of potent acid, and hated it of course. After the 4th time, I got over it and realized I would never conquer acid and stopped doing it. For what it's worth, one or two times it may have I-25 or some other research chemical, but at least two accounts it was LSD. So anyways, I walked away from the drug with a strong fear and resentment towards it. I am scared by it to this day. Sometimes, if i am off my meds for a few days and in stress, I will have sober acid flashbacks.

So, after I was diagnosed and medicated, I kept smoking weed all the time for a few months, and it was still good for me. Or so it felt that way. I ended up stopping abruptly right before I went to my new school where I turned things around, became a healthy, nice guy, and a good student. I starting to carefully observe my mental state and emotions immediately before and immediately after getting high. I realized there was little difference. It did me no good, was very boring, life consuming, and made my head run at half-capacity. I soon became in love with being sober and what I could accomplish by that.

Four months into my "new life", I was in a situation with new friends where we could smoke. It was a positive environment. I felt I wouldn't start doing it frequently again and I wanted to see what it would be like as an isolated incident in good setting. I took one hit from a bong, and immediately it was like I was on acid. I was incredibly paranoid, hallucinating, uncomfortable in my skin, scared I would hurt myself or someone else, and totally unable to think of any solution. I had to leave and run around outside and try to deal with this until it went away. So, I decided okay i cant do that anymore.
Weed became like acid, I wanted to conquer it, though I didn't want to be one that did it with any frequency. Three months later, a similar situation arose. I tried it again and a similar thing happened, but a took some klonopin before so it was more tolerable. But i walked away from it without any desire to to it again. Like with acid, another time came up a few months later. This time, i didn't take klonopin, I decided to moderate the intake of weed. I took a small hit from a one-hitter or "bat". That's it. 10 minutes later, things were worse than ever. Almost exactly like acid. My brain in shambles, my whole world out of whack. My girlfriend helped me get outside, and go on incredibly difficult journey on the train to my sister's place to borrow three klonopin from her (She has bipolar I and almost the same medications, and I didn't have mine with me). I took it and gradually the high became more manageable.
I didn't need any more reminders after that. I haven't touched it since, and never plan to again. That is said with total conviction, I've no doubt that I'll never do it again.
So that is pretty much it. Like I said, I'm very happy now. Things are awesome. But i sometimes think about this. I should mention real quick- I do drink from time to time. I have a low tolerance, a couple beers get me drunk and I have fun and its all good and well and only every couple months. Anyways, since there are so many factors involved in these episodes and whatnot, I am interested to know what people think. What combinations did it? How did this happen and why? How come I am so distant from the life I used to have of smoking 5 times a day? Does anyone else have similar experiences? Did my bipolar set in more and more making my perception of intoxication different? Or the same thing with the meds getting into my bloodstream? Please share. If you read this all, thanks a lot. Haha. Have an terrific day!!!

P.S.- there are a few details or maybe factors left out for lack of belief that they play a role in this. So feel free to ask questions or clarification on anything.

It seems you and hallucinogens don't mix. Weed is a hallucinogen. I was a major pot head for many years. With pot you build up tolerance really fast and you can smoke all day. After a long time it doesn't do much for you. I have been clean and sober 19 years but at 17 years i decided to experiment with pot for depression and anxiety. One or two hits and it was very intense. I didn't experience it as bad as you but I got real paranoid. It depends on the strain. One type will make me very tired and one will make me very paranoid. I decided it did not work for me for my mental health. I did my fair share of acid back in the day but i never had a bad trip. I did have a real bad trip on excatsy one time. I felt like that stayed with me for years. Not flash backs but something that is hard to explain. I don't feel it anymore. Its better for me to stay away from all of it and stick to my psyche meds. I am much more stable. For those of us with mental health issues it is playing with fire. With acid you never really know for sure what you are taking or who made it. Same with meth.

I have spent plenty of time with weed. For a long time it was my intoxication of choice. It still has been something that has helped me when I am at my worst. I have been trying to get off of it at my pdoc's request. I don't have much experience with it interacting with meds as I am only a few months into treatment. However I was sensitive to what the weed did to me. It wasn't until I got into the medical marijuana system that I really got heavy into what weed I. I found that I could control my moods somewhat by varying the type that I used.

There are different varieties of marijuana plants out there. The basic types are Indica, Sativa, and a hybrid of those two. But with growers mixing the strains there is as much variety of flowers available as there are varieties in wine. At the dispensaries I could get the same thing I usually get or something completely different. I found over time that Indicas would help calm me when I was agitated. Sativas would help when I was depressed. I had to be very careful with hybrids because it was harder to know what I might be getting. Those could be more Sativa or Indica, just more unpredictable. I found some strains that would make me very paranoid, easily agitated. Over time, I started to think of it as something akin to wine tasting. Figure out each strain as I tried them. My now wife even made up a survey for people to take to ask where they felt to weed. Head, body, arms, legs, brain fuzzy/clear.

I have seen people take a couple hits and just freak out. Drinking makes that worse, and if I was smoking cigarettes too, it would end up in the spins.

I tried coke a couple times in college, just sent me into a horny mania but being unable to follow through because too much paranoia. I would just end up locking my self in my room. I also tried mushrooms 3 times. The first time was at a private beach to residents in Malibu. 3 of my friends and I then tripped all day on the beach. We all had complete euphoria for hours, visual hallucinations, but a good time. The second trip I was more anxious and paranoid. I kept jumping between paranoid andeuphoric. I had to be really careful what I was thinking. My friend who had just gone through a breakup had a horrible trip. Just paranoid and depressed. The third trip was all paranoia. The only good that came from it was performance enhancing skills at Mario Kart that night.

I learned that I couldn't handle intense psychedelics A friend talked me into trying Salvia, it was like having a whole mushroom trip in 5 minutes. That was a mind trip!

I'm hearing you say, over and over again, so called street drugs are not helping but rather hurting you in many ways. I can't speak about doctor issued medication but those changed my like for the better. I personally say STOP playing these games with yourself before you loose your mind, and damage your brain. I read on the internet pot will indeed damage the brain. Your young, unlike me, and I went through same thing, but I believe not as heavy. I had to stop once I knew I was BP and street drugs, and alcohol would only destroy what my medication was intended for.