[Road_to_recovery]

I'm just broken and I always will be. I give up! Apparently I can't express myself or my symptoms in a way that any medical professional can understand. I give up!

[sui generis]

Hey there, I have the same problem sometimes it's really frustrating. I'm sorry you're feeling broken at the moment, things must be tough right now. I hope you don't give up though!

Perhaps try writing down your symptoms and explanations of what you're feeling? I actually need to do this myself because I felt like my pdoc misunderstood some things I said when I saw her.

Even just writing a journal entry to give you time to find your words and just mulling over your symptoms could be helpful or talking it out with a friend (or yourself, I do that a lot and find it beneficial).

[THE16THDOCTOR]

What kind of experiences or moods are you feeling? I think a lot of us have felt like that at some point. It's so frustrating like no one gets it and you just want to feel ok.

[Tawnya20]

I feel exactly the same way...I am broken and there is no fixing me. I'm on 5 meds that keep me from being suicidal, but man I'm depressed. I can't stand it. My pdoc says all I can do now is "manage" my disorder. I just want to cry.

[Curious651]

Hope you feel better soon. Don't think your broken, think you may be frustrated and confused. Pray you don't give up. Once you give up, it is done and there is no hope. Coming on here shows some hope. At least you can hold on to that and take it for what it is. Reaching out and seeking comfort.

[madness2meditation]

Its been 10 years now that I have been visiting psychiatrists (or being taken to them by my parents) and I just never seem to know what to tell them, esp. when I'm having an episode. When you visit between episodes, then its a simple 'everything is alright, continue same meds'.

And on the couple of times I have actually tried talking, I have been cut-off mid-sentence. I guess the 'talking' part is done with a therapist. And the psychiatrists are there simply to prescribe pills based on your 'symptoms'. And I just simply don't know what 'symptoms' to tell them. Its either severe depression (which is not difficult to feel at all) or full-blown mania (again easy to see) but everything in between (hypomania/euthymia/remission) or everyday moods are incredibly difficult to keep chart off.

There was this one time when I was diagnosed to be having another depression episode and prescribed pills. Then 15 days later, no change in symptoms, and the same thing became laziness. Its just really frustrating and confusing.

On top of that, you are told its a chronic illness with no cure, and you need to learn to 'manage' it. That's like a death sentence (or a life sentence to be more accurate).

It is overwhelming a lot of the times- the episodes themselves, the ramifications of those episodes, and to add to it, this 'trial n error' treatment methodology. The cocktail is just not easy to handle.

So, after this random babble, it is tough and you just got to somehow hang on, I guess, a lot of the times.

[Crazy Hitch]

It's really frustrating when we are misunderstood or trying to explain how we feel and someone else tries to interpret it and the interpretations are not always correct.

I had a hard time with my old pdoc who just never got me. Sometimes it felt like the definition of insanity visiting him - trying the same thing over and over (meds) and expecting to see different results.

He frankly wasted a year of my life and right when I was at the I give up point - it's been a year and this is just NOT working - I managed to find a new PDOC that I just seem to "click" more with.

Don't give up.

[Creative1onder]

Whats the most difficult part of trying to manage living with your illness?

[Road_to_recovery]

Thank you everyone... I'm not sure what the most difficult part is. I guess the frustration and irritation, feeling like my thoughts are screaming at me. The fact that I get so irritated with my little girl just being a two year old. I feel like my nerves are just shot all the time

I went to my med doctor yesterday. The night that I wrote this I actually wrote out a list of everything I could think of. She said it was very helpful to her... I'm in the process of doubling my lamotrigine to 400mg and she added ambien becsuse she said I really need to get some sleep.

Thank you everyone, I'm glad I'm not alone