[ozzy1313]

Last night I was working (waiting tables) and I had what I can only think was an anxiety attack. It lasted for a few hours. I was dizzy, suicidal, angry at co-workers, forgetful with my tables (which I never am). I still have no idea how I made it through. The place was so busy there was no way I could leave. I told the staff I was just feeling dizzy and not well and had them pick up some of my slack. In retrospect it is a very good thing I was unable to leave bc I think I would have hurt myself.

My husband is very x+y=z and when I told him about last night he just wanted to know what caused it. I keep telling him that nothing specific "causes" these moods and he doesn't agree. I told him last night how I was going to hurt myself and he just wanted to figure out the cause. If I had cancer would he say "well, the tumor came back, we figure out why, and you fix that".

I have never had a public episode like last night- I am always able to hold myself together in public. I had a xanax with me but I didn't take it bc I figured I deserved the pain. I am so fed up with my husband. I know he loves me but I think I could have a gun to my head and he would want to get pen and paper and figure it out rationally.

[Mountainbard]

Ozzy, I'm sorry you had such a bad night last night. Men are fixers, and husbands are fixers times ten. When you can you might want to have a talk with hubby and explain that his efforts to "fix" you aren't helpful, and can in fact make things worse. You say "I had a Xanax... but didn't take it because I figured I deserved the pain." Like you I am BP2, and like you I've been in that headspace. I now know it's my illness talking, and I am stronger than my illness. So are you.

[THE16THDOCTOR]

Why do you think you deserve the pain? I take klonipin for anxiety and panic I used to push it and not take it. When I told my doctor that she asked "why would you do that to yourself? The reason you have this medication is to alleviate that pain." You don't deserve that kind of pain. I've had panic anxiety attacks and it's so hard to fight through and hold it together. Sometimes it's hard for people who don't live with the illness to understand, they want concrete black and white answers and explanations but it's not how the illness works. I've had the same situation before. It is difficult to explain the experience of anxiety when they haven't themselves. I hope you're feeling better today.

[tipper1492]

I don't know but I do wonder if your husband truly understands mental illness including BP. I had, and have to "read" on the net information about such things. Another place is Youtube. Just enter Bipolar and let him watch some of the people.

[~Christina]

As Mountainbard said ... Men are fixers.

My husband spent way to much time trying to fix it all.. After much talking and explaining the basics of Bipolar he still was scratching his head wanting to "Fix it" ......I brought him along to a T visit and my T explained to him in blunt easy to understand basic explanations. My hubby finally "got it" now he just supports me and helps me when I need something or just a shoulder to lean or cry on.

If you get a splitting headache you would take something to relieve the pain , right? Well there is a reason your on Xanax, use it.

Bipolar lies to us all the time. When you feel the need to harm or punish yourself, Remember that's Bipolar talking not you.

Take care of you

[Curious651]

Sorry you are having a bad time.

i hope that tonight will be better for you.

sorry for the rough night..

[Crazy Hitch]