Stability & Normalcy?

I'm sure that that being stable and normal depends upon each individual and their own circumstances. However, what would stability and normalcy mean for someone who is now more confused and frightened about their future than any point in the life?

Are you worried about going into a severe manic or depressive state--or in one now? I consider myself as "normal" and "stable" as I am going to get, since I have not had a bipolar episode in almost four years.

Honestly, I don't know. I know I'm not well, just here. Here for no apparent reason, other than mental suffering.
I'm not sure if you're aware of my situation, but I want to erase all of the past and move forward. However, at a middle age diagnosis,, I can't get back what I sacrificed or ignored just to "try to keep a job" which was having no life.

The reality is, I am terribly confused. I can't make decisions. I can't focus. My day is filled with trying to stay stable, fix me something to eat, and not loose it. I would like to get a life, but I can't right now as I feel way too sick to try.

I had a friend tell me about a job opening somewhere similar to my last, just a different product. I will talk with my therapist tomorrow about it. I think sometimes it's a million wonders how they let me work at my last job as long as I did with my undiagnosed self. But I feel no better after a year's treatment. I'm just medicated and diagnosed now with slightly less rage. I want to feel good. I want to feel optimistic. I want to feel happy and improving. I want to be loved. Instead, I feel like I should just die.

As you said, the answer is different for everyone. I'm still muddling about the answer for myself. I haven't felt super awesome for a year or so, but I haven't had any serious thoughts about self harm in that same time period. That's good. But part of me wonders is it good enough. Is simply not wanting to kill myself my new normal? I hope not. But it is a marked improvement over being in the depths a bad depression. I've held on to the same job for over a year and I'm not drinking, so those are two short term successes. Huge successes actually. So I hold onto hope that things can and will get better.

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Perhaps stability has all to do with how successful and how rewarding of a life they achieve.

Perhaps instability creates fear, anxiety, and worry.