Whine and Cheese

Well, I've hit another low point. This one was triggered by life events that are completely out of my control.....my nursing career is over and I can't find any kind of job, I'm running out of unemployment benefits, and my husband and I are going to have to move in with our son or else become homeless. We also have to give up our three cats and go through 34 years of belongings to see what we can put in storage and what has to go.

This is SO not a good time to be depressed, but I can't seem to stop crying and I'm wishing there were a way out. I'm not sui, although I did have a really bad day this week when I was glad my husband is the only one who knows where the big bottle of Ativan is. I've OD'd on it before, once, but that wasn't a suicide attempt---I'd have taken a lot more than I did if I'd wanted to die. I don't want to die. I just want to not have my entire life fall apart the way it is, but I can't stop it.

My pdoc is aware of the way I'm feeling and will increase the Lamictal if I feel I need it. I can't go up on the AD because it throws me into mania at higher doses. I really don't want to fool around with the meds, they've worked well for months, and this is all situational anyway. I guess I just need to vent to people who understand.....my family and friends are great but none of them are BP. They don't even know what clinical depression is like. I've been virtually useless in getting stuff packed and my poor husband with cancer is doing 98% of it, which makes me feel guilty on top of everything else.

That's my story. Sorry to be Debbie Downer but I really needed to get that out of my system. Thanks for any support you can give me.

Oh damn hun I'm so sorry You really have been handed a shyt sandwich this year.

Please try to take a step off the guilt train, it just goes in a stupid circle anyway.

Your doing what you can do while fighting Bipolar hell, Its ok to whine rant vent and even break a few things.

It's okay to cry and pack a few things at a time. Don't think of the big picture focus on the little steps you can do.

I know losing your home is devastating but you have family that can invite you in, that's the most important thing.

Keep in close contact with your wonderful Pdoc of yours that will help you in any way he can.

Sending your loads of hugs and love PM me anytime

Can you get SSDI or SSI? I'd think you might be able to get SNAP for food but that varies from state to state.

Can you access any of your retirement money? I took money out of my 401K when I needed a new roof.

Sorry you have to deal with this.

How horrible. Anyone would be depressed. I agree with Yoda, try to get SSDI, or some other help.

When you are feeling better, brainstorm ways you might be able to work from home. Maybe medical transcription or something. No one will hire me, so I have to be self employed. It used to suck because I had no benefits, but with ObamaCare, it's made insurance affordable even for people like me.
Since I'm currently not paying into social security or a 401k, I make myself set aside a small amount of money aside each week for the future.

I'm not rich, but what else can I do?

Hang in there and most of all don't give up.

Situational crap can trigger episodes, which then need med adjustments and this is a lot of crap Are you still able to see your T? Try not to feel guilty, it's okay for you to be unwell, you take care of each other. Rant, whine, *****, stomp your feet, kick things, anything you need to do to get yourself through this. Can the kids go through the house and choice things that have fond memories of? I know you've been trying to hold on this long.Try to go through one closet size area at a time.

I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this. I can only try to understand all the feelings and hardship you are living and wish for you that you stay strong and get support to help you overcome all this.

This is a very difficult time for you.

I am sorry this is all happening to you at once.

It's a lot for anyone to handle and you don't deserve this, nobody does.

Thinking of you.

Sorry all that is taking place. It seems like a lot of different things to handle. Please don't be so hard on your self. I am sure your hubby understands and thank goodness he is with ya. Hope for better times.

Give yourself few moments to feel. Cry, scream, rant. Let it out. Don't try to fight the reasonable sadness by bottling it up and numbing it. It only could backfire.

Afterwards, you can think what now, what to do next.

Thank you. I have no retirement, no assets, nothing but a 14-year-old car and a houseful of memories. And, I'm running out of unemployment money & there are no extensions anymore. But I did file for SSDI a couple of months ago and we still have my husband's $668 in SS benefits.....will have to apply for food stamps soon though. Maybe then we'll be eligible for Medicaid as well. It's terrible to want those things but it's the only way we'll survive.

Do not feel guilty needing assistance, trust me you have paid into it all for decades

Nobody "wants" those things but they're there to help in times like these. You should be elgable for Medicaid and housing assistance (though that can take years).

Thanks, you guys. I feel just a tiny bit better today---at least I haven't cried all day---and part of that I owe to the support I'm getting here. You understand it, you know what it's like when life hands you a crap sandwich and you have to stand there and choke it down. You all ROCK.

I hope things Get easier for you soon.

Don't feel guilty for wanting assistance. You worked, probably long hours as a nurse, and paid into it so others could receive assistance. Now it's your turn to get back of some of what you paid into.