[Misong]

I work for a local non-profit as a Benefits Administrator and I have been in this position for the last 11 months. Prior to this, I was fired from my last two jobs and my bipolar played a huge part in both. Today, I was told by my HR Manager that she feels like I'm not a good fit for this position and offered me four weeks severance and uncontested unemployment. While I appreciate the gesture, because I know very well that other employers wouldn't be so kind, I turned it down because I want to work. I just need to figure out how to work successfully with my bipolar.

I thought I was doing really well with my bipolar, but it hit me in the last few weeks that I'm not doing as well as I am portraying myself to be to others. It's like a have two of me - one that is trying to show everyone that I am fine and that I have everything together, and the one that is experiencing mixed states (again...). It doesn't help that my brother is an uber-successful dentist and I am the complete opposite in every sense of the word. I have expectations for myself and I find that lately I am not meeting those.

I am thankful that I have a great therapist and pdoc, who I am seeing tomorrow. I haven't seen him since I realized all this, so it should be an interesting appointment.

I'm sorry for the long post... I just don't know what to do anymore.

[kaliope]

your post wasn't long so don't apologize. I have been fortunate enough to find employment that understands my bipolar and works with me when I am not doing well. but I have also been stable for years. it took several years to get stable though. I am glad you have an appt tomorrow. hopefully you can work something out with your doc. good luck.

[Victoria'smom]

I hope your doctor and therapist can help. You may want to think about the package and partial hospitalization to get stable fast and have them help you find something.

[Justugh]

your looking at this in the wrong way

take the lady up on her offer ..........this will give u time to get self on a stable footing u are happy with plus allow u to possibly go to classes/training for a job u really want to do

maybe she was right u wanting to work does not equal a good fit ...........what is your passion what do u like

what u have here is a rare chance to back away from rat race get your self in a good place and go for what u want with out worry of homeless or going hungry

worthless u are little off ...u got the golden ticket most ppl wish for a chance to breath and think for a few.........heck u have the money to move to where ever u want to live and seek work in what ever field u want

the whole thing was set up for ppl like u ...u are not playing the system or scamming it or anything morally wrong ..........u got lucky like winning the lotto no more daily grind u have a chance to heal / get strait and to go after something u want

the best part is odds the boss offering u this means they would say good thing about u if they are ever called up and asked ........making getting the one u want easier

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm sorry you are going through this. It would be stressful to anyone. I've been in a similar position to you in the past. Ultimately you will need to make a decision and know that the decision that you make is the best one for you at the time. Glad you can talk this through with your T. Explore the outcomes of all options.

Be well and know that things can get better.

Goodluck with the pdoc and t. I hope they can help you out.

I know what its like to think you are doing well when you arnt. And being the complete opposite of a sibling.

[Froggy57]

Does the manager know that you are bipolar? I would fear that your job may find some reason to fire you, so you may want to take them up on the offer before that happens. Mixed states are incredibly difficult to navigate. Time off can be temporary.

If your are in a mixed state, then you shouldn't feel ashamed to take time off from working. Try not to compare yourself to your brother, the dentist. I am suspecting that he is not bipolar. He does not have a medical condition that affects his daily functioning.

I think a lot of us can relate to having had expectations that we haven't met for ourselves. I agree with Justugh that you need to figure out your passion. Select a job in that category that offers less stress. Take the time off so that you and your pdoc can find a medication that helps control the cycling, and appreciate the extra time to look for a better match for yourself. Think of this as caring for your medical condition. If this were any other serious medical condition, we wouldn't even give taking time off a second thought. You have no control over having bipolar disorder except to treat it, so it is OK to let go of the shame you appear to feel.

[hamster-bamster]

I agree with everyone - take the lady up on her offer. Get a nice card and write a nice note and hand to her, to reciprocate the gesture. In your current MO, you are not yet "set up" for long term success, so taking time off and recharging/strategizing with the treatment team is the way to go. Your current MO is to present a sham to the outer world, and all your energy is consumed by this endeavor; you probably lack focus and tenacity because you think so much about how others perceive you. The lady who offered the deal probably was saying that, just indirectly and in a polite way. You need a clean slate and a different place of employment where all the folks are new. If you switch to the MO "How do I do this job the best I can?" from the MO "I need to project success and happiness and being together", you will have a better chance at said success... by the way.

[pink&grey]

Take the offer!! Use the time to stabilize and get a routine of self care in place. I'm doing this right now after quitting my stressful job that put me into my worst depressive episode yet. I see it as an investment in myself that will have long term benefits for me, those around me and my future ability to work.

I also wish I would have seen the signs of me spiraling downward before it got so bad. I may have had the chance to avoid some of the pain. I think you might be getting that chance now. This morning I heard someone say about work: sometimes you have to take an intermission to find a mission. This is not failure, it's a step into a better direction.

[BNLsMOM]

I am going to speak to my boss Monday about leaving my job. I have been there for just over 4 months. I thought I had it together too. It is amazing how quickly it cal all unravel... I do have disability to fall back on, but I am going to take the time to relax, heal and hopefully build up a business offering health coaching to people. But I am going to take it very slowly and make sure that I am healthy. That is my priority. I need to be healthy so I can take good care of my kids.

I'd also encourage you to take the offer. I was in a bad job situation and was offered accomodations which i didn't take and it ended badly.