Reflecting

So I have met several teenagers with the diagnosis of bipolar. It kind of throws me off because the teenage years are so rocky anyway, but heres my thoughts:

I wasn't diagnosed with bipolar until I was 21. In my teens years I was treated for depression. I also had A LOT of anxiety but not treatment was given for that. I don't really remember the antidepressants ever helping. I would go from stable to down, basically. I was just beginning to have panic attacks I think and I has been self-harming since I was 16.

I dont ever recall having any mania. I remember my friend really hurting my feelings one day when she wrote this nasty letter about how mad she was with me. We had hung out with people (all friends of hers, Senior Yr in school) and I was hyper. I just remember having a lot of fun and feeling like the life of the party. She said I did it for attention etc. I swear I was just happy and having a good time. My heart was broken.

I find myself thinking no I don't have bipolar because I have moody days and sometimes swing in and out but Ive never gotten permiscuous, just hypersexual. Yeah I OD'd twice impulsively but maybe I just didn't something stupid. All those times Ive been suicidal? Maybe it was PMS. All the self-harm? Poor, unrefined coping skills is all.

I feel fine lately, aside from some understandable anxiety. I don't think its lithium. I think I just snapped out of it. I don't see the pointin trying to remember to take all these pills and **** when its just me, not bipolar.

You have indeed tripped into the I feel fine meds are not the reason... Don't worry most everyone has done it myself included.

Go back and read your threads from about 4 weeks ago, I'm thinking around the time you went on the liquid lithium and was having quite a bit of trouble.

I'm sorry your were hurt by your friends back then.. I swear kids are the meanest creatures on earth.

Uuuuurgh this illness can suck.

I was only diagnosed with bipolar when I was around 31 and my diagnosis of borderline personality disorder only came through 2 months ago at the age of 36.

You're questioning your diagnosis which I think a lot of people do. I know I did. I denied it after diagnosis for some time (bp) and put it down to this or that. Not taking meds after a short time did not serve me well.

Maybe you've never had true mania but maybe you could be on the lower end of the spectrum with nos. hey I'm no medical expert.

Do you trust your pdoc? Can you discuss with them exactly what you have written here and take it from there. See another pdoc for a second opinion if you think you need to.

But above all else, try keep well.

hummmm, I completely understand where you're coming from. Currently thinking very similar thoughts and having similar conclusions. Struggle with acceptance of bp and constantly thinking it is just me and not an illness. Been really battling in my head for a while in regards to taking meds. I cannot say you need them or not. I would say there are days I know they would help me get through, but I self talk and convince myself to believe the magic thinking that I am okay and I don't need meds. I would not wish this on anyone and if you can avoid the struggles I have been going through by taking medication, I hope you do. Consider what you are really deciding.

But I do feel fine!

Then the meds must be working. Right?

I really, really cannot see how you would write off self-harming as simply having "unrefined coping skills". I think that self-harm HAS to be taken seriously.

Or were you being facetious, writing off self-harm as unrefined skills, suicidality as PMS, etc.? If you were trying to be funny, yes, it is funny - what you wrote is funny - but if you were being serious, then, paradoxically, you are not treating your symptoms seriously enough.

What's with "OD'd twice" whatever never mind just stupid business? OD'ing once is a cause for concern, and OD'ing twice looks like a pattern in the making. No, it is not just normal adolescent angst and impulsivity - there is more to it. And yes, it you started Lithium 4-6 weeks ago, now would be the time for it to kick in, so if you feel fine now, it is, as Tuscon says, proof of Lithium's working and not proof of your having snapped out of it. Think it through - you have been self-harming since 16, right? It has been over 5 years. You have not snapped out of it. Is it purely coincidental that you'd "snap out of it" exactly 4-6 weeks after starting Lithium? What an interesting coincidence it is...

Yeah... I feel like my mind plays tricks on me. I know what you are saying is true but my mind still says Im fine now.

The ODs...gah. They happened within a week of each other, last May. The first one was super impulsive and I ended up in a psych hospital for a few days. At that time I also had a BPD dx, given to me from a a psych hospital pdoc. I *knew* I didn't have BPD but who listens to us huh? Well I got the super mean/rude pdoc at the hospital. I knew him from the other hospital's location.... he was never very kind while I was there so I was very guarded. He said he couldn't do anything for me there and out of all his training and education he knew the only thing that could help me is DBT. Ok...DTBT is great and I believe it is good for everyone, not just BPD. But, guess what! I *don't* have BPD! Ive worked with my pdoc for many months and shes officially removed it! So, no one can tell me they don't treat people different based on dx. I had it because I can be impulsive, Im female, 20s, hx of self-harm, hx of abuse, moodswings.... yeah.

The second, the next week...I planned it. I researched the drug. It was a tricylic antidepressant. No good. That night was scary and NO fun...or the 5 days following.

I wasn't trying to be funny. I wrote it quickly on my way to a concert. I talk nonstop to everyone and Im alone house/pet sitting so theres no one to talk to!

OD'ing on tricyclic AD's can kill your heart very fast. Don't go for repeats of this one, please.

Keep talking!

I know. It's why I did it. I researched doxepin to see how dangerous it was. My heart was about 126 most the night and I was told I had to drink charcoal.

But that was last year!

Gah the Charcoal is nasty

YES! And the Dr said if I didn't drink hed force a tube up my nose and give it to me.

yep same here I sucked it down

I barely got it. I told the security guard there I wouldn't let them force the tube and he said that's what restraints are for.

I knew as long as I agreed and signed myself in I was in a much better position...

Well....I got a night being guarded then an ambulance ride to another hospital for 5 days on 72 hr hold. I was on warrantless arrest already.

I have always signed in, even if I didnt have a choice I was going regardless .. I still signed in myself
I wasnt about to lose my right to buy and /or have a carry permit

I was a bit out of it.