dealing. or not, as the case may be.

I've been in a new town 5 months. It took me from before I moved here (I made the appointment in advance of starting my job in November) to the first week of January to see a pdoc, during which time I had my first full-blown manic episode and crossed over from BP2 to 1.

She put me back on Risperdal (which I asked for, because it had worked beautifully for so long before an ill-advised venture off it), and over the course of 6 weeks or so, the mania went away entirely. Unfortunately, she canceled my 6-week checkup 1 hour before it was to occur. I couldn't get another appointment for another 6 weeks, which puts me at the end of March.

While the mania has gone away, my depression has increased weekly, it seems. I'm thinking very dark thoughts these days and I can't shake it. But I can't get anyone to take me seriously that I *really* *need* *help,* now, please, and quit putting me off!

I posted in SI because I'm not controlling those thoughts/urges well either, but I got out of bed to take some Tylenol and half a Xanax and realized just how crappy I feel. People are beginning to notice that I'm drastically unhappy, but they're unwilling to discuss it very far. I'm on the pdoc cancellation list, but basically got told, you only have 2 more weeks till your appointment, suck it up.

Can somebody please validate my feelings and tell me it is OK to have them and I deserve some help? Because I am beginning to think, in my twisted little brain, that because I'm not getting any, I must not have it coming. I really just need someone to volunteer to listen and tell me I'm not as crazy or as worthless as I feel.

:_(

thanks for reading the rant....

CB (Crazy-Bear)

Wow, it seems to me that it is irresponsible for the pdoc to cancel like that & put you off for another 6 weeks. When I was having my meds tweaked I saw my pdoc once a week for a month, then to every 2 weeks, then once a month, then every 6 mos. if I seemed to be doing well, but I could call at any time & be in there within 24 hours if I was getting manic or depressed (which goes into suicidal thinking really fast for me).

I think bp is a serious mental illness that needs to be watched closely by yourself & the doc & therapist. If the pdoc is not doing this, it might be time to look for a new one. I "fired" one pdoc when he wouldn't change my medication even though I was clearly still depressed, but was not in a mixed state anymore. He thought that was good enough. Well, that wasn't a good enough quality of life for me so I found a great new pdoc who really worked with me & listened to me.

In any case, I think your feelings are completely justified.--Suzy

Candybear, So sorry that you are having to go through that!! {{{{HUGS}}}}. Your feelings are real and are very important to you and all of us here at PC. I think I agree with Suzy. It wasn't right that your pdoc cancelled so suddenly like that and left you hanging. Maybe you should seek a new one. I went through many before I found one that would work for me. Best wishes and please keep us informed. Feel free to PM me anytime!!
Sincerely
Katy

Thanks guys. I called this morning and told them exactly how well I am NOT doing, and got in this afternoon! I guess I finally said the magic words.

Anyway, we're switching up meds and I go back in 2 weeks. I hope it helps.

Thanks again for the affirmations.

Candy

(((((((((((( Candy ))))))))))))))

You are not crazy. You need help and you deserve help. I hope you can get in earlier. Hang in there, Candy. Take it one day, one hour, even one minute at a time if you must.

Take nice bubble baths, listen to your favorite music, watch your favorite movies, eat chocolate. Yes, you have permission to eat chocolate!

Hang in there, Candy.

Hugs,

Jan

(((((((((((((((((((candybear))))))))))))))))) I am so glad that they got you in sooner. I wish they had seen the need well before now. You deserve good help. Don't sell yourself short. I am so happy that you stood up for youreself and ended up with getting in today. I hope the new meds help. And another appointment in two weeks. Way to go. Take care.

((((((((((( candybear ))))))))))))))