Thoughts on my crazy head

I have hit a low but am coming out of it. I am feeling better, my Community Nurse thinks I have SAD. So I am waiting on a SAD light box arriving. I feel like I'm up and down (some days I'm depressed and other days I feel a little hyper/wired). I'm struggling with sleep either I'm getting none, getting a few hours (like last night) or I'm sleeping all day up to 16 hours. I'm feeling really paranoid in my flat. But it's carrying on outside my flat. Normally my music helps me cope but it's not working. I don't want to take my meds anymore.... I have missed the odd day here and there. I take them so late as I just don't want to take them... also I swear someone is watching my flat...

I feel like I'm going insane. I haven't told anyone about any of this as they will worry... but I'm kinda freaking out

I understand about not wanting other people to worry but sometimes we have to be honest about where we are in our thinking. I just got out of the hospital a couple of months ago and contribute it to not being honest with my family or my doctor. It took me a week in the hospital before I called my daughter and let her know where I was because I didn't want her to worry.

There was good reason for everyone to worry and keep there eyes one me. If I had been honest sooner I might have avoided the hospital visit. They could have adjusted my meds during outpatient.

Please be honest with your family. They can help you. And especially be honest with your doctor.

I'm sorry you're having a difficult time now Miss Laura, but I agree with gayleggg: you really have to be honest with your doctor about this, and you have to let your family know what's going on so they can support you. From your description it sounds like you're rapid cycling, which takes a terrible toll on a person. And you know your inconsistency in taking your meds isn't helping anything. You need to open some lines of communication with caring, supportive people in your real life so you can get a handle on this before the paranoia gets out of control. I wish you all the best in this and am sending you some good positive energy.

Hi Miss Laura
Lim sorry to hear about your current circumstances. This is not easy.

I kind of recon my moods most certainly change with every season although for me there is no dx but after many years I know it certainly exists.

Sleep is quite an issue for me at the moment too. It's like a trap cycle. I'm depressed and anxious so I wake up frequently during the night. Which means I don't enter the deep sleep phase. Which leaves me more crabby and irritable the next morning, hence repeating the cycle.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way about your meds. I think in the long run they may be helping you. However, all medication can come with side effects that's why it's important to keep the channels of communication open and honest with your mental health providers.

A few years ago when I was going through a bad phase I had extremely paranoid thoughts too. The one day when I was home alone someone rang my doorbell. I honestly thought it was a baddie coming to kill me. So I rang the equivalent of 911. Needless to say they didn't send anyone out ...

If I were to be genuinely honest with you, I understand your fear that someone is watching your flat - it is a symptom of what you are going through at the moment. As much as we can all sit here and tell you no one is watching your flat (because I really believe no one is) it would be hard for you to accept until you are better.

Wishing you a speedy recovery.