What is wrong with my housemate?

I moved into a new house 2 months ago. I only share it with 1 more person. It is an English student girl that at first seemed lovely and quiet neighbour, but now, after 2 months I think she is crazy!

First of all, she spends so much time on cleaning everything. Bathroom, kitchen...etc. It smells of chemicals everywhere. She also does at least every 2 days. I understand that areas have to be cleaned from time to time, but this is ridiculous. She also carries some bags with her every time she goes to study at the university and she spends at least half an hour filling them every morning with a lot of clothes, which she carries with her all the time, wherever she goes. She also washes all her clothes in the washing machine every 2-3 days. I have no idea how she manages to get all her clothes dirty so fast (and trust me, she has a lot of clothes). However, her real craziness started to expose a few weeks ago when...

I came into the kitchen one time and saw that she had used nearly half of my bottle of dish-washing up liquid in one day. I was surprised and felt annoyed. It is not for the money, I just didn't want her to use so much of my washing-up liquid. So I made her a remark on that. After that, she started acting in a very weird way, apologizing for this at least 20 times. She even sent me messages afterwards, again full of apologies. I told her to calm down and that I am a nice guy and wouldn't kill her because of that, it was just that I requested her to stop using so much washing up liquid. Ever since I told her that, she stopped talking to me and avoided coming across me in the house, in every possible way. I thought this was all about the washing up liquid, but I was so wrong...

2 weeks after that, after I was really upset that we are not talking anymore, I tried to talk to her one morning I came across her in the kitchen. I apologized about the washing up liquid issue, but she started screaming with a knife in her hand, saying "Do not threaten to kill me!!!" This got me really scared and I asked her "When the **** did I threaten to kill you?!", to which she replied that it was that day when I said I wouldn't kill her. Apparently, she thought that I wouldn't kill her...yet. I literally had my jaw dropped, as I meant that I wouldn't bite her or do anything to her just because of such stupid reason (the liquid issue). I never thought about killing anyone, for god's sake! I was very surprised that she had taken my words so...direct.

She confessed that she had some very serious depression issues in her family in the past, including some killing attempts. After she told me this, I felt really stupid for saying this to her, and I told her that if I knew this, I would never use the word "kill" in a sentence towards her. After very hard effort of apologizing and trying to put reason with her, she accepted my apology.

Now we talk again friendly, as this never happened, but I am still confused and remember the way she held that knife, screaming towards me with a mad look on her face. I don't feel secure anymore in this house, but I really like the place and don't want to move out because of her crazyness.

I have to mention that she is not very sociable person and spends most of her time, studying at university (she is doing her masters at the moment). Besides this issue, there is the excessive cleaning issue, and the hiding-from-me-when-in-the-house issue. She also gets paranoid about everything that happens in the house and sends me dozens of text messages a day to me and the landlord, asking whether we have to fix something that is broken in the house, or whether we have to replace something, etc.

I don't know what to think of her. Any idea what her problem might be? I am no good at psychology, but there is definitely something going on in her head... I would be glad if you can spend time reading my story and offer your advice. Thank you and much appreciated.

she is not your girlfriend just someone u live with

from the sound of it .....little OCD combined with anti social behavior and depression (so odds bi polar with manic and depressive times)

as what to do .........your little boned since u are not a couple and only living as roommates u really have no power

odds are the lease is in both of your names ..........so having her removed is almost impossible with out a overt act (she really does stab u )

but u said the key words u do not feel safe living there ..........this is a excuse for u to get removed from the lease and leave the apartment with no penlites on u (the fact u do not feel safe there breaks the contract with the landlord and allows u to leave ) but u must record some of the issues that are making u want to leave (this is cover *** in court if landlord is **** and goes after u for remainder of the lease money from u if she defaults)

the only other thing u can do is a D.i.c.k. move

set up a camera and reacord her going off on u saying all the crazy things talking about hurting u or other or herself

then u can call 911 and have her commited on a a 72 hour psych hold in a hospital ........after that 72 hours if she can act ok they will release her if she keeps going off they will keep her there longer ..........but if she knows the laws she can be out of there in 72 hours by signing a AMA (against medical advice)

but once u do this u have crossed a line and be excepting something god awlful to happen by one of her family/friends/herself

to cover your *** u need it on camera ....or at least a voice recording ...........and to really cover your *** make sure on the tape/record that u state out loud that this is being recording to cover u in case u are in a 2 party state .....but since it is your living area as long as u do not do anything perverted u are legal to record in your home

It sounds like she has OCD for cleaning for sure. OCD is tied to anxiety, so she probably has other anxiety problems as well, which is clear from her apologizing over and over again. Also texting over and over again about things goes with both her OCD and anxiety. Carrying her clothes everywhere could have something to do with her anxiety or also some trauma she's experienced. You said she had someone in her family threatening to kill her or other people? That could be she's been through some abuse or seen her family go through it. And maybe carrying her clothes is an OCD thing like she's afraid to lose her home.

Otherwise, no one can diagnose her here. She has depression by her own admission. Depression can cause you to isolate yourself. That could be part of that.

The thing with the knife sounds like a panic response. Ruminating thoughts on your text probably built up in her and when you confronted her she panicked. Not really a healthy response, but if she's shown no other signs of aggression it could have just been situational. But, you say you don't feel safe, so that's not a good feeling in your home.

If you feel unsafe there is only the lease keeping you there. It could be you just need to cut your losses and move on.

I wouldn't call her crazy. It sounds like she's suffering. OCD traits with the washing, possibly, but it's hard to know what drives that. The knife situation sounds PTSD, triggered by your words that reminded her of something in the past. Honestly, though, it's hard to know. If she weren't avoiding you, and you had more of a friendly relationship, I'd suggest asking her if she's okay, but she seems to be so fearful I'm not sure that's a good idea.

I hope she gets help.

Many universities have a student welfare department. Perhaps you could contact them expressing your concerns. Her problems are probably exacerbated by her being far from home. Hope this works out for you and her.

Thanks for the replies. I will try to wait and see what will happen, and maybe forget about all of this in order to start feel safe again in that house.

What surprises me is that I noticed recently, that couple of times when I was in the bathroom, she opened the door of her room, stood there and listened silently for couple of seconds (maybe to check whether I am in the bathroom, so she can avoid coming across me) and then closed the door. She does that silently so that I can't hear it, but I do and it really creeps me out. I was thinking about talking to her about that, but I am afraid not to trigger another conflict.

She also comes back in the house every night at 1 a.m (probably catching the last bus from uni) and she again does it slowly and silently, so she doesn't wake me up. As good as this sounds, I just WANT to be woken up, so I can be....alert when she comes back at the house.

I have a dumbbell which I occasionally lift, so I started putting it in front of the door to lock it...just in case (doors of student room here in the UK don't have locks I think).

I really don't want to move out of this house. I like it here. Most of the time I am alone in it (I work at the uni during the day and I am all alone at night) and I love having the whole house at my disposal. But in that rare moments when both me and her are in the house (mornings) everything feels...a little bit creepy.

if that is all u want

here
Amazon.com: Heath Zenith Wireless Entry Alert Chime SL-6168: Home Improvement

the senor and magnet go on the door that comes into the room (completely removable does not break any agreement)

the chime goes in your room lowest setting for sound and put something over top like pillow or blanket folded up to muffle the sound lvl even more anytime the door opens or shuts u will be chimed ........or u can hang in hallwall so both u can hear it
as for your room
Addalock - (1 Piece) - Door Levers - Amazon.com
Door/Window Entry Alarm with Magnetic Sensor, Pack of 2 - Household Alarms And Detectors - Amazon.com

the lock is something that u can take with u when u leave but at night time it gives u atleast10 secs (if they have a shotgun with right rounds) but normally several mins since most ppl do not

the other thing is like the chime but louder and only ment for your room when u are in there put it at the top of the door and have it to chime when it opens or alarm

the rest is up to u since she seem shy .........clear the air with a friendly talk .....get her something she likes muffins cleaning supplies ......ask if she is ok and clear the air get on a good spot and let it go (secretly keep a tazer in your room )

It would be interesting to hear her take on this situation. It could just be that perhaps she finds you a bit intimidating as well!

She is obviously OCD, but that's gotta be better than living with someone who doesn't wash. And its better to live with someone trying to be quiet than playing loud music all night.

We all have issues. We're all a bit cranky. Perhaps trying to build an atmosphere of positivity instead of suspicion would be mutually beneficial. Cut her some slack. Compared with some of the head cases I knew at uni, she seems quite harmless!

Wow.

I'm no medical professional but I'd say there's a bit of post traumatic stress syndrome going on there coupled with OCD.

I know it sounds a bit radical, but what is the chance of her harming me? Do you think I should feel safe?

Hmmmmm.

We don't quite think she's a psychopath ....

Ask her to see a T

I think she held the knife to protect herself.

I don't think the intent was to harm you .... .???

I think she is the one who is terrified. You are probably frightening her with your behavior and apprehension around her. I actually admire the way she is working so hard to get through her studies. I feel for her. Since you do love the house, maybe you can let her know without confronting her in a way that she might take as aggressive? Leave a note or something, thank her and say you want to make it a safe, peaceful home for both of you because you really love it there? I don't know...just something positive?

Start a positive relationship by acknowledging her. For example, compliment her cleaning and thank her for it.

I would not film her because in some states, that may be unlawful. She could sue you and that may take years to settle even if you won. Then I also think you have to be careful with what you say and do with the landlord. Again you might cross the line even if the landlord agrees, and that could bring on another attorney/attorneys. What the landlord does, because you made such a report to him, might be something you regret. I agree she is in bad need of a psychologist, or even better, a psychiatrist, but I would fear asking her what she thinks would be best. You may need legal advice, or maybe there is someone in the field who would be willing to come talk to her. But then again she may have great anger towards you if she knew you set it up. You may not be able to get out of your lease, unless the landlord releases you, but then his next renter has to deal with her as well.

filming her in public places of your home is 100% legal living room kitchen hallway your bedroom (the no no places are the bathroom and any private area other then your own) .........u live there it is your home so this is allowed

the part u are thinking about is recording phone chats that is where they do the werid 1 person knows it ok other states both ppl need to know and agree

the only thing u can really do is record it so if something does happen it caugh on tape so u are not charged as she is a female u are the one going to jail .........check your local law see what is allowed some places allow tazers or pepper spray others outlawed them.....something happends she comes at u ...u use one of the 2 she is on the ground u walk out of where ever u are find a 3rd party person and call 911 (personally i strip down to boxers and a t-shirt kneel down and interlock my fingers behide my head) after that u have 4 to 6 hours of dealing with cops

and if u are really worried about it send her a certified letter info her that u are adding camera to some area for protection .........she will sign for the letter so u will have proof she was legal informed about it .........after that u are covered just record common area

If you have a real fear that your in an unsafe situation then just move , simple solution, actually.

So she tries to be quiet and considerate and you think of it as "she can harm me"?

I'd swap her for some of my roommates.