[HALLIEBETH87]

I should be happy in vacation but I'm not. Everyone/thing ticks me off!! I've been sad for two days. I thought it was because of rain yesterday but no. And panic attacks I'm having which haven't had in a long while! It's situational I know! I didn't crash like my dr said I would from mania. I haven't hardly left bedroom in two days. Left only once today for small walk. I've si'd last rep days and I hate that!

I leave Friday am and I just wanna be home alone in my room with my kitty. Lots I just feel so bad :.(

I see pdoc Tuesday and totally don't wanna tell her about this

[Justugh]

tell her she might see what is triggering it

as for happy do not worry about that just be .......for a set time u have no worries other then yourself wants and needs ......if u want to sleep for 7 days then sleep it your life your vacation

and the crash from mania is what is keeping u in your room unless u are making the choice to stay in .....the mania down swing is this for u

alls i can say is while u are where ever u are ....the odds of u seeing the ppl other then family ever again is silm to none ........so if u want to have a little fun by being someone else then have the fun (i mean if u are a quiet person at home then be crazy out of the town person that got shots for the whole bar ) for the next while u can do what ever u want .......only need to do the family stuff because they are family and that what u do

go get a good nights sleep and dream of moist turkey with all the trimmings and pies/cakes out the yin yang ...........currently i am eating with 1 lady that enjoys eatting turkey butt her boyfriend that is wearing her out ...this Egypt guy and his wife plus older brother his wife his kid my dad and myself ...........do u know how crazy this day is going to be and i am still going for the turkey

odds are i will say something to piss someone off at me today ...........that is why i made a pie here incase i have to leave before that point

[HALLIEBETH87]

She thought I was manic when she saw me last week but it was a Jesus high. She said noooooooo I was too high for a spiritual experience but she just doesn't understand that. But...during all this I've been taking klonopin and still self injured today and yesterday. Earlier was bad.... I'm just hiding and crying basically.

Hate this

[Justugh]

go to the ER and get them to stabilize u

count how many turkey related things u see going on while there (u know ppl there for something that happen due to a turkey)

i do not know that drug all that well but if u are feeling this way it could be a reaction or it could not be working strong enough ........the ER will get u on your feet until tuesday for a real adjust ment

as for the high thing..........do not know u i am not trying to be bad or anything
tell her to watch a black church ......talk about spirit high ...........they are the most happy ppl in church i have ever seen (tell her that is the high u get from church then she might understand better)
here

[Justugh]

by the way

your name Hallie Beth.....i know someone having a girl i will pass it along to them

[Crazy Hitch]

Take it easy.

One day at a time.

[ozzy1313]

There is pressure to be happy while on vacation and that can add to the stress. A few years ago my parents took my family on a 2 week vacation. One week in Florida and the next week a cruise. I should have been out of my mind excited about a trip like that, but I wasn't. And although there were lots of fun times on that trip it was hard to be "up" for 2 weeks.

I generally don't like to travel much due to the pressure to be happy and enjoy it- I never know what my mood will be. We take an annual vacation to a lake where my folks have a condo and on that trip I don't feel the pressure bc it's basically like being home away from home (plus we can go whenever we want)

Hang in there- when do you go home? Please, please don't si anymore. You don't have to.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Originally Posted by Justugh

by the way

your name Hallie Beth.....i know someone having a girl i will pass it along to them

I love my name. I'm the third hallie in my family-named after my aunt and Elizabeth is after my great-grandmother

[HALLIEBETH87]

I leave tomorrow morning. Today I will force myself to walk on the beach alone. Helps me because I truly love watching sand pipers and such.

[~Christina]

Go plant your butt at the beach, let the sounds and smells and birds soothe your mind, You will be back in your land locked state soon.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I plan on going later to escape. I still just tear up about everything

[Justugh]

your a on a beach

go drink some fruity drink ........u are on the beach this means u are allowed to have some weird drink u would never try at home with a fruit.......given to u by some tan person (tip well the sand is hot)

what about renting a wave rider(jet ski) and going out playing around on that in the water and checking out some shoreline u never seen before ........papasailing was fun 1100 feet above the ocean i sawl all kinds of cool things (smoked a joint at that point and time was the highest i have ever been off the ground had too irony was funny)

before u come home u really should get your fill of seafood ......where u are the prices will be less then when u are back inland

[HALLIEBETH87]

I hate seafood. No money. It's cold actually. I hate heights. And I just don't want to go anywhere even the beach though I know I should. My cousin said I've been ****** for the last two days. And she hoped I "feel" better. I want so much to be happy and want to be around people. All I want really is to be alone and I cut and take klonopin to keep the panic attacks at bay. I cry for no reason and hate myself.

I haven't felt do bad in a long long time.

[~Christina]

You are heading home tomorrow and flying no less ! so not stuffed in a car for hours and hours... Focus on " I will be home tomorrow and have my room and bed back"

[HALLIEBETH87]

I went for a beach walk, I was ok a bit but I'm downagain

[~Christina]

You will be feeling better when you get home tomorrow, Hang in there.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I need to talk to u on fb

[ozzy1313]

Are you home yet? I keep thinking about you and hoping that you are feeling a bit better. I was in your shoes a few weeks ago and have come out the other side. Keep remembering these feelings cycle- the cycles suck- but at least it means you won't feel this sh***y forever.

[HALLIEBETH87]

No I'm not. Flight at 11:45. 4 hour layover later!!! Gah

[stellarx]

I've found it is irrelevant to me whether my moods are a results of a mania or depression. You can simply describe the precise ways you feel without labeling them. These seem to be easier for a doctor to interpret.

I've been irritable myself lately. Probably just need to have your medication tweaked.

[Love&Toil]

Just a big hug to you. You'll get thru this rough patch.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Thanks. I want it to go away. Now I find I have to fly alone......I've never flown before!