[Kas1971]

I was diagnosed with Bipolar in July of this year. I am 43 and am sure I have went undiagnosed for years and years. The diagnosis explained some things. In researching it so many other things in my life were explained also. I am still trying to get through the bipolar maze. I have extreme forgetfulness. I didn't realize at first that this can be a part of it. I have had every utility shut off at one time or another, because I just forget. I have overdrew my checking too many times to count. My house is in foreclosure due to my carelessness. I use alcohol to deal with it all. During my highs I talk non-stop to anyone, even strangers in the grocery store. I spend in a careless manner. I can be up when the world is crashing around.When I'm depressed I constantly fantasize about suicide, which to me is the scariest part. Even though I don't feel I would ever do it, it still scares me. I have had hallucinations, which until recently I thought were real. Today I have been in my room all day, thinking my family is talking about me and hating me. My rational mind knows this is not true, but I can't help those thoughts. I know my husband does not understand completely what is going on. He only gets a small part of it and is on the verge of leaving. I've been taking Lamictal since being diagnoses. I am on 200mg per day. Not sure if I should change medicine entirely or supplement it. I start therapy next month. So, that's where it's at. This is probably too open for an online forum, but I feel better just talking about it (or writing). Thanks for reading!

[Phinn]

there is nothing you can say that will shock me. Me= 49 sever bipolar. diagnosed at 27 but was this way all my life. Wanted to die at 13. 1st attempt at 18. many more. Have always hated myself more than words can say. I have lost every thing which in some ways is very freeing. Anyway I understand. I don't offer pity I offer caring because am you. That's my story. Anytime you need to talk. Keep fighting the fight. That's what every day is.
I'll try and but remember I'm nuts.

[KristenRenee]

Wow. You sound like me. I was diagnosed 10 years ago. I forget a lot too. I didn't even think that it could be related to my bipolar. I also drink to deal with my quick changing moods. It has brought me much pain and sorrow in the end. Sometimes it just helps knowing we are not alone. There are others who feel the same way we do.

[Mkrooks1]

Hi Kas ~ I'm 45 and just diagnosed BP last month. I have been on every anti depressant for the last 19 years for "depression" until I finally saw a psychiatrist who diagnosed BP. You sound like you wrote about me! Once I knew I had BP and looked back on my life it ALL made sense. I have found these boards extremely helpful to hear from those who have been there and those who feel just like you! Hang in there... Keep posting if that's what helps and try journaling... I have found that to be helpful!

[BipolaRNurse]

I was diagnosed bipolar NOS at age 53 and bipolar 1 at 55. I used to drink to mask my symptoms long before I knew I was sick. I haven't had alcohol in almost 23 years but developed other maladaptive ways to deal with my moods. I've been in treatment now for almost 3 years and have come a long ways, although there are times the process slips badly.

I know what you mean about being forgetful. I've been terrible about remembering things since my late 30s, and I have to write everything down if I don't want to forget about it. I tend to go crackers in the spring and I've forgotten to do my taxes three years in a row. I had to retire from nursing because I can no longer handle multi-tasking or managing competing priorities due to my memory issues. It sucks, but between the disease and the meds I take to treat it, I'm amazed when I actually do remember things on my own.

[Sunshiney87]

I am extremely forgetful too! And the shopping sprees can definitely get out of control. Being bipolar is very hard to live with, wish there was a mind cure.

[Nikkinums]

Originally Posted by Sunshiney87

I am extremely forgetful too! And the shopping sprees can definitely get out of control. Being bipolar is very hard to live with, wish there was a mind cure.

I totally feel you on this. I would forget my brain if it wasn't attached. Let's not talk about the shopping mine is bad I will spend all of money and the money I don't have. Even with meds I am a total wreck

Forgetfulness? Wow! And mine has continually gotten worse as I'm getting older. And since starting medication, my mind feels dead. It absolutely doesn't want to think and reason but for short periods of time. It only wants to stay occupied with reading on the internet or video games to keep it from focusing on all the bs that this bipolar has apparently caused. If I blame it on myself I will be ocd'ed on self harm again, so blaming it on bipolar seems to work at the present.

[mven45]

Originally Posted by Lunatic Fringe

Forgetfulness? Wow! And mine has continually gotten worse as I'm getting older. And since starting medication, my mind feels dead. It absolutely doesn't want to think and reason but for short periods of time. It only wants to stay occupied with reading on the internet or video games to keep it from focusing on all the bs that this bipolar has apparently caused. If I blame it on myself I will be ocd'ed on self harm again, so blaming it on bipolar seems to work at the present.

I have recently been diagnosed bipolar type2. Have suffered the wrath of a bipolar type 1. Lost everything, including the will to live. But I am still here fighting. Join me..

[Moogieotter]

Welcome Kas! Sharing here has been helpful for many!