[cashart10]

I had a dream recently, involving a female celebrity, that was extremely intense and emotional. I woke up feeling a stalker like attachment to her. I decided I was in love with her and even decided excitedly that I was going to find her and that she was going to fall madly in love with me (never mind that I have a family and that she also is married to a man, more than twice my age and has grown children). I believed that the dream I had was actually meant to occur. It still makes me quiver. I can't shake it either. I feel strongly that I am in love with her even though I know how irrational it is and that it is a lie. Is this part of my bipolar? I have done this sort of thing in the past, even to other female celebrities (dating back to childhood) but I'm not sure what it is. The emotional attachments were not preceded by dreams in the past but I have definitely had extremely intense dreams such as this one while manic. I always assumed this only occurred while manic but I'm not so sure. It seems, if I am manic, that I have either been cycling super quickly over the past couple of years (compared to the rare episodes I have had in the past), that I have never recovered from the major episode I had 2 1/2 years ago, or that my entire personality is majorly grandiose and a tad bit insane. Do people just do this sometimes and it is normal? Thoughts?

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi there cashart

Dreams are complex.

Interpreting them can be even more complex.

And what we take away from the dreams during our waking memory will vary.

You have insight into the fact that this is irrational therefore it couldn't be part of mania. If it was grandiose thinking you'd practically and literally believe that you are with the celebrity.

But there's a part of you that knows you aren't and you can separate fact from fiction.

Do you see a T you can discuss this with?

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by Hooligan

Hi there cashart

Dreams are complex.

Interpreting them can be even more complex.

And what we take away from the dreams during our waking memory will vary.

You have insight into the fact that this is irrational therefore it couldn't be part of mania. If it was grandiose thinking you'd practically and literally believe that you are with the celebrity.

But there's a part of you that knows you aren't and you can separate fact from fiction.

Do you see a T you can discuss this with?

Thank you Hooligan. I think the grandiose thinking is believing that I should leave my family, drive to her and that she will fall madly in love with me. I can't shake it even though I know that it is irrational. Once, I believed that a minister was able to read my mind. I knew this thought did not agree with reality and I knew it was absurd, but I still firmly believed it. I was terrified to think "sinful thoughts" around her. But, then I believed that she could telepathically expel demons from me and I was clearly completely delusional. I have strong self awareness unless I have completely lost touch with reality. But, that's the thing, I am missing other symptoms of mania and I appreciate you noting that I am likely not manic. I don't "feel" manic either. I just can't figure it out. Do other people have these bizarre feelings, thoughts, attachments to other people? Celebrities? Feeling thoughts and attachments that are less sexually driven and more like an obsession? Do they just pop up? Is it maybe normal to do this if you don't act on it?

I don't have a T because I can no longer afford one. That is why I come to you guys to help me sort through all of my mood swings and bizarre thinking. It seems my thoughts have been so distorted the last couple of years that I just can't recover. I just can't get back to myself. Thank you for your response.

When I asked about grandiose thing my gp reminds me of the time I wanted to quit work and relocate my entire family to Spain to grow olives, I was going to revolutionise the olive growing industry. Everyone thought it was a daft idea, but I booked one way tickets to Spain for the whole family. I got upset when people told me I know nothing about olive growing AND i don't speak Spanish. I was convinced we could just go over there learn the language as we went along.
I also wanted to have a particle accelerator in my lounge room. My ex-h, trying to discourage me said that they were 16 miles long. I didn't have a problem with that we could just extend the lounge room

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by Bipolarartist

When I asked about grandiose thing my gp reminds me of the time I wanted to quit work and relocate my entire family to Spain to grow olives, I was going to revolutionise the olive growing industry. Everyone thought it was a daft idea, but I booked one way tickets to Spain for the whole family. I got upset when people told me I know nothing about olive growing AND i don't speak Spanish. I was convinced we could just go over there learn the language as we went along.
I also wanted to have a particle accelerator in my lounge room. My ex-h, trying to discourage me said that they were 16 miles long. I didn't have a problem with that we could just extend the lounge room

Ha! Yep that sounds like grandiosity.

[sidney1771]

Doesn't quite sound like bipolar. Just your subconscious trying to find a way to say that happiness is out there to be found. I have found dream imagery to be fascinating and oddly complex for the very simplistic messages being sent. My take away would be "Go ye forth and find ye happiness."

[tipper1492]

Best to leave it alone after the dream. Truly you would not take steps to get to such people. Doing so could bring on legal problems, and or jail time. I think this is more than just BP. Reality is nothing like these ideas you put on yourself. Better to get help.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by tipper1492

Best to leave it alone after the dream. Truly you would not take steps to get to such people. Doing so could bring on legal problems, and or jail time. I think this is more than just BP. Reality is nothing like these ideas you put on yourself. Better to get help.

Tipper,

I actually confided in a friend about this today because I feel like I may need to somehow ground these emotions I'm having before I lose control of them. She gave me advice similar to yours. She also told me to try to find the humor in it because maybe that could help. She asked me if she had an emotional/sexual dream involving Bob Newhart (similar age of the woman I am struggling with) would I expect her to chase after him or would I laugh at the dream. That helps to put it into perspective but still leaves me in a similar boat. I've never discussed this side of me with my pdoc, only with my old T. I even read her a NEEDY email I once sent to someone I was truly obsessed with (at this time I was very manic) but we never really addressed it any detail.

[hamster-bamster]

I agree with Hooligan. Plus, you take a large dose of Abilify. Your clarity of thought combined with a high dose of an AP make it unlikely to conclude that you are manic.

A lot of people think about celebrities. I have never been able to understand why they do, but since I have heard it mentioned again and again - very frequently - this cannot be bipolar (bipolar's incidence is smaller).

Maybe write a letter to the celebrity without sending it? Draw a picture of her? Do some creative expression without showing anybody? Or, post an image as an attachment on this thread? Do something to get it out? At least won't hurt too much?

[wing]

Originally Posted by Bipolarartist

When I asked about grandiose thing my gp reminds me of the time I wanted to quit work and relocate my entire family to Spain to grow olives, I was going to revolutionise the olive growing industry. Everyone thought it was a daft idea, but I booked one way tickets to Spain for the whole family. I got upset when people told me I know nothing about olive growing AND i don't speak Spanish. I was convinced we could just go over there learn the language as we went along.
I also wanted to have a particle accelerator in my lounge room. My ex-h, trying to discourage me said that they were 16 miles long. I didn't have a problem with that we could just extend the lounge room

One of the best examples I've heard of in a long time. I hope you see the humor in it, my examples of manic thinking are pretty wild and hilarious. That of course, is a while after the fact. Wow, some of the crazy ideas we think of when we're high....someone should write a book, or start a thread. There was a thread a while back that made me remember (like I could ever forget lol) some of my delusional thinking.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by Bipolarartist

When I asked about grandiose thing my gp reminds me of the time I wanted to quit work and relocate my entire family to Spain to grow olives, I was going to revolutionise the olive growing industry. Everyone thought it was a daft idea, but I booked one way tickets to Spain for the whole family. I got upset when people told me I know nothing about olive growing AND i don't speak Spanish. I was convinced we could just go over there learn the language as we went along.
I also wanted to have a particle accelerator in my lounge room. My ex-h, trying to discourage me said that they were 16 miles long. I didn't have a problem with that we could just extend the lounge room

Originally Posted by wing

One of the best examples I've heard of in a long time. I hope you see the humor in it, my examples of manic thinking are pretty wild and hilarious. That of course, is a while after the fact. Wow, some of the crazy ideas we think of when we're high....someone should write a book, or start a thread. There was a thread a while back that made me remember (like I could ever forget lol) some of my delusional thinking.

Bipolar artist, I also hope you find the humor in your experience. If not, I misinterpreted your post and I'm sorry for displaying my humor in it! I hope I did not upset you! Hope you are well!

[Imah]

IMO this is very bi-polar 1.

I created a reason other then bi-polar during the decades I ignored the professionals and tried to understand myself. It involves a complex net of strange beliefs. The most detailed being that all mankind is connected psychically to one another and bi-polars were just on the verge of what humanity will become.

That is how I explained my obsessions with people. My supposed psychic links. IDK - people call it just extortions of our mind.

When I have a 'connection' via real life or dream, to another human I tend to think it is a combination of being psychically connected, and fantasy.

The thing about trust, or maybe its just a human trait - you will only believe what you choose to - no matter what we say. Some would say - yes part of grandious thinking and delusion, others would say, check meds, and see a doc. Still others might say, go for it.

I say - for whatever reason you felt connected to this other human for the time that you did, does not mean they would feel the same. They are probably not as connected. Perhaps you two will meet in another life.

Maybe your dream was what you want your current marriage to be. Perhaps you have been feeling stale lately, and something about that actress sparked a new ness that your marriage now lacks.

Speaking as one woman I say I think it would be a huge turn on to have my husband say to me, " I think our love needs attention, what can we do for each other to grow even deeper together".

Don't go for it. (None of my obsession driven loves turned out happily and they each ripped up my life - therapist thinks I choose destruction over normalcy because it is more comfortable). Check your meds. Put more into your marriage (or get out honorably). Love and appreciate the intracacies of life. Just my opinion.
--
PS: In addition, I should add that delusion is a fairly strong part of my bi-polar 1. I don't even notice I am doing it sometimes, perhaps from developing an intricate and abnormal belief system. Just last week I spend about 3 days trying to psychically help a small child (whom I have never met, but one that 'came' to me). It was days before I even noticed, because it seems so natural. I hadn't even charted it under my 'psychic thoughts' column. It is soooo hard to live life not being quite sure what is real. I totally get your dream thing.
--
PPS: Oh, I have also done this psychic connection (obsessional delusion) thing since childhood too. 3rd grade was the first one I can remember, but my 'links' to guys have been since young teen years. Trilafon has really helped my delusions lessen, its been about 5 months since I started it. Hope this helps.

[Imah]

Originally Posted by Bipolarartist

When I asked about grandiose thing my gp reminds me of the time I wanted to quit work and relocate my entire family to Spain to grow olives, I was going to revolutionise the olive growing industry. Everyone thought it was a daft idea, but I booked one way tickets to Spain for the whole family. I got upset when people told me I know nothing about olive growing AND i don't speak Spanish. I was convinced we could just go over there learn the language as we went along.
I also wanted to have a particle accelerator in my lounge room. My ex-h, trying to discourage me said that they were 16 miles long. I didn't have a problem with that we could just extend the lounge room

@ Bipolarartist - Statement from my Minnesota home, 3 weeks ago. Husband says , " No honey, we shouldn't move to Puerto Rico,we wouldn't like it there, heat and bugs." I had already found an apartment... No idea how to pay for it, but where there is a will, there is a way is the bi-polar motto isn't it? Thank goodness I have a sane partner who helps me kindly through my phases. (including today)

[tipper1492]

This one is real, and real crazy. I purchased, by biding, 100 + acres, 3,000 miles away, in Bella Coola, BC, Canada. Still own it, but tried to sell. It's in the Great Bear Rain Forest. Hwy 20 to Bella Coola road is one way ending at the docks there. You can put you car or RV on it, and freight comes in on the ferry through the Inside Passage. Hwy 20 goes over, is rock, messy stuff, not black top and one lane in some places, going over Heckman Pass. Hwy 20 also called Freedon Hwy & The Hill. You Tube has it. Over three yrs Indians called Nuxalk, built a cabin for me on north side of Bella Coola. Everything else on "other side" north side including the Hwy and few stores in tiny town. River is Glacier Fed and at times there is no way to cross the river due to rising river, or rains when nothing but whole giant trees are floating down river. I was at cabin when the river did this 24 hrs day & night for three days. Been there 3 years in a row. I haven't been back in 3 yrs and I have zero idea if cabin is still there. Only had two so called friends while there, paying them to built my cabin taken 3 yrs to finish. One was regular guy, liked pot. Other a Nuxalk (new hawk) and he liked pot and drinking. Not been in touch since I left 3 yrs ago. On the one hand I do not want to know about anything there, including cabin, in case the cabin has been destroyed. The Nuxalks did not like my different boats I brought. They "only" float one way down the river, and use nets to fish for very large fish. Nuxalk use nothing but wood paddles, and wood boat they build themselves. I took a wonderful small wood stove there last time, (100 lbs - $375) but heard it was stolen. My times there, last time, with that heater, and view, was like a dream. It's also toooo dangerous being alone there like I was every time.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by Imah

IMO this is very bi-polar 1.

I created a reason other then bi-polar during the decades I ignored the professionals and tried to understand myself. It involves a complex net of strange beliefs. The most detailed being that all mankind is connected psychically to one another and bi-polars were just on the verge of what humanity will become.

That is how I explained my obsessions with people. My supposed psychic links. IDK - people call it just extortions of our mind.

When I have a 'connection' via real life or dream, to another human I tend to think it is a combination of being psychically connected, and fantasy.

The thing about trust, or maybe its just a human trait - you will only believe what you choose to - no matter what we say. Some would say - yes part of grandious thinking and delusion, others would say, check meds, and see a doc. Still others might say, go for it.

I say - for whatever reason you felt connected to this other human for the time that you did, does not mean they would feel the same. They are probably not as connected. Perhaps you two will meet in another life.

Maybe your dream was what you want your current marriage to be. Perhaps you have been feeling stale lately, and something about that actress sparked a new ness that your marriage now lacks.

Speaking as one woman I say I think it would be a huge turn on to have my husband say to me, " I think our love needs attention, what can we do for each other to grow even deeper together".

Don't go for it. (None of my obsession driven loves turned out happily and they each ripped up my life - therapist thinks I choose destruction over normalcy because it is more comfortable). Check your meds. Put more into your marriage (or get out honorably). Love and appreciate the intracacies of life. Just my opinion.
--
PS: In addition, I should add that delusion is a fairly strong part of my bi-polar 1. I don't even notice I am doing it sometimes, perhaps from developing an intricate and abnormal belief system. Just last week I spend about 3 days trying to psychically help a small child (whom I have never met, but one that 'came' to me). It was days before I even noticed, because it seems so natural. I hadn't even charted it under my 'psychic thoughts' column. It is soooo hard to live life not being quite sure what is real. I totally get your dream thing.
--
PPS: Oh, I have also done this psychic connection (obsessional delusion) thing since childhood too. 3rd grade was the first one I can remember, but my 'links' to guys have been since young teen years. Trilafon has really helped my delusions lessen, its been about 5 months since I started it. Hope this helps.

This helps a lot. I am actually a straight female (although in high school I believed I was gay--because of this) who has only ever had these connections with women. I have a good relationship with my husband but I am always afraid I will leave him for a woman when I am out of my mind. I find myself crying in longing for these women and with a deep desire to be touched by them when this happens. It is so intense. I have no other description other than obsession. I very much appreciate the advice and to know that I am not alone. I am going back to my former doctor starting next week and my medications are not all working for me. I think the only staple in my med cocktail is lithium ( although my current doctor disagrees). Maybe I'll discuss this in particular with him. I tend to also become delusional but only when manic ( or so I believe) but maybe I need to categorize this differently.

[cashart10]

Has anyone ever printed out a thread and read posts to your doctor? Would your doctor think it would waste too much time? I was just thinking I have described this better here than I could explain in person. What do you think?

[wing]

I think that's a great idea, since we get so little time with our doctors. Maybe condense it a bit so he'll have time to address it.

[Fuzzybear]

love to you ....

[cashart10]

Still not over this, ha! It doesn't help that she is in two upcoming movies and I hear her voice on previews a couple of times a day. I have watched clips and interviews of her and when my husband "caught" me one day and asked what I was watching, I am pretty sure I blushed because I felt like I was doing something wrong. Guilty conscience...making up unnecessary excuses. Oh my worries!

Originally Posted by cashart10

Bipolar artist, I also hope you find the humor in your experience. If not, I misinterpreted your post and I'm sorry for displaying my humor in it! I hope I did not upset you! Hope you are well!

NO didn't upset me, been hypomanic,.