feeling bad

to put it simply i cant get death out of my mind very long. its not rational. i went christmas shopping the last two days. i ecen saw y case manager today and didnt seem alarmed. but i cant stop thinking sui thoughts. if i go to pes they will send me to hospital and ill miss christmas. my therapist is gone for six weeks too.

(((Moose72)))

Hang in there OK. You are doing well getting out. These holidays will be over soon and it is amazing how our perspectives change. I hope you feel better very soon.

Moose, just take things one day at a time. I know it's cliqué to say but to keep yourself safe and out of hospital over Christmas, taking things slowly and looking at things on a strictly day-to-day basis are good things to do.

Christmas is important and emotionally draining. Therefore I can see why you wouldn't want to miss it but at the same time, your health comes first.

Take things easy, employ all of your coping strategies and have a Merry Christmas

Suicidal thoughts are a norm for some with bipolar.

Having thoughts and acting on them are 2 different things.

If you thing killing yourself is the solution, that's alarming.

Have you ever had a good day? If you die tonight, you will never have another good day.

Do you not like joy? Do you not have something in this world that provides you happiness? You wanna lose that forever?

This is the beauty I find in being bipolar, when I'm at my worse I know my mood will shift. Maybe not in that moment, or the next day, but it will happen! In my lows I appreciate all the past days that were good.

It's nice to see you here Moose, I have been wondering how you are doing.

I hope these sui thoughts pass very soon. Hang in there.

I'm sorry you're not in a good place right now.

The holiday season is honestly not that "festive" for some of us.

It can take its toll on our well being and our mental functioning.

Take care of yourself and let us know how you go.

((((hugs))))

Moose,

I can definitely relate to you. I am experiencing much of the same thing. I don't know if it is because of the holidays, but I am thinking that my case is caused more because of being on too little medication. What I am doing is trying to get by minute by minute, because that is as far forward as I can think right now. I keep telling myself just to get through the next minute to see if maybe one of the future minutes will be better. I don't have a lot of hope right now, but I am hanging on to each minute. So far, it is working for me.
Also, I am so glad you posted your thoughts and feelings, because it helps me to feel not so alone, which helps to improve my mood and thoughts. I hope that I can do the same for you. You are not alone.

I hope I don't sound too crazy and hope my coping strategy will help you as well.

Spincera

Christmas preparations are distracting me. I just keep buying stuff for my kids. Its like im stuck in a rut thinking of "just one more thing" to make it the perfect Christmas so i dont see the ugly thoughts. i even opened the knife drawer today and paused and stared at them. nope buy more stuff. Electric toothbrushes lipbalm...,

Keep your receipts , Remember last year you went way over the top spending money on gifts and it took you months and months to get back on your feet finacially.

Just keep distracting yourself.

I was in hospital last Christmas and there was no help but for a few nurses who didn't want to be there. No Pdocs, no programs, nothing. Everyone just sat in their rooms for the whole time. It's a bad psych ward at my local hospital, a place to go when you want the least possible effort made, and it's way worse at Christmas because the staff is all off, so the very minimal help offered during the rest of the year was non existent. The Pdoc that was on call on boxing day had to come in to admit me and he was not happy about it. If you can stay out until January you might get more help. Too bad your therapist is away, that seems like what some of us really need more than another drug.

My mom and I went in together this year. I wouldnt have afforded all these things! I got two presents for each kid and an electric tooth brush and a thing of lipbalm for each. i do have all the receipts.

i dont want to be in the hospital but i cant see my dbt helping these suicidal thoughts. thats why the holiday and shopping has distracted me. i even watched an old show with walt disney on disneyland last night. That was fun.

(((Moose)))

I am so sorry that this is happening to you right now. Having been there many times, I can understand how you feel. I agree with Christina in that overspending is not going to help in the long run. I try to make sure I don't have much alone time so that I have less time to go there.

Try hard, one minute at a time!

Bluemountains

im done spending. i might go to the movies on christmas with the kids to see Hobbit. Maybe they'll want to stay home.

we do have several family events planned so that will distract me.

Go to see The Hobbit movie. It is great. Plus it is a little over two hours of time that you can let your mind relax.
Bluemountains

Saw the hobbit with my youngest. Now going home to help cook.

just wrapped presents: calendars with a photo i took as background.

cant stand listening to my mother on the phone!!!!

Christmas eve. cooking. watching tv. egg nog.

Your doing great Moose! Hang in there

Hi Moose!

I hope this evening is better and tomorrow as well. I wish you peace and I hope this passes without a trip to the hospital. Please stay safe; your children need you! It sounds like you are giving them a wonderful Christmas and I'm sure the best part will be spending their time with you.

Thanks guys

its christmas and im feeling blah. supposed to see a friend tomorrow so i guess that will be fun.

Moose , you had a busy day with your kids and family. If your feeling blah , Why not flip it all over and just focus on the good things that happened and the joy in your kids faces as they opened a present.

You have a lot to be grateful for. Just try it, maybe it will help. You have plans to see a friend tomorrow. Your lucky to have so many friends.

Merry Christmas.