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#1
Dec 28, 2014, 01:59 PM
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Ok. I have been on medical leave since October 10. It's taken this long to get my stability back. I haven't really been in contact with any of my coworkers. Maybe once a month I've talked to my social worker coworker. But I'm scheduled to go back on January 5th. And I'm getting scared. I was totally excited for awhile but now that it's coming up I'm scared.
Last night I had a "screaming dream" - a recurring dream I have during times of great stress that involves me. Being extreme violent and screaming my head off usually while beating the crap out of someone. This time it was a stranger. Anyway in the beginning of the dream I was back at work and everything was going ok but I was having trouble bc I couldn't remember anything. That's exactly what I'm afraid of. I can't remember anything. Not my facilitator's name, not my students' names, not my schedule, nothing. And I'm embarrassed to ask. I feel like I should know. But I can't help it. Who has returned to work after a long medical leave? How did it go for you? Did you go back full time right away like I am?
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Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
 Anonymous48690, Crazy Hitch, memson
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#2
Dec 28, 2014, 02:11 PM
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I'm just wishing you the best. It just may turn out to be great. May just take a day or two to settle back into your job. Maybe a few there will welcome you back and are willing to help you in any way. I can understand the anxiety, it's normal, just step up to that plate and do your best, and you just may be surprised how well things move on. Good luck!
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 wildflowerchild25
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#3
Dec 28, 2014, 02:40 PM
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I'm sure a gradual return to normal duties would be a healthier alternative but it's not always available to us. I did such a graduated return to work a few years ago.
I would, however, suggest that you do ask the questions you're afraid of. You've been off work sick after all! Either way I wish you luck.
__________________
_________________________________________ Bipolar II Rapid Cycling | 80mg Latuda | 225mg Effexor | 1mg Lorazapam |
| wildflowerchild25
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#4
Dec 28, 2014, 06:22 PM
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Quote:
The company that I currently work for I am on intermittent FMLA, but I have gone on med leave as well. About three years ago I had to go on med leave for three months. I was rapid cycling and my pdoc basically stripped me of all my meds and we started over, not fun. I was terrified to go back. Back in June I went on med leave for 2 1/2 months. I had a horrible reaction to Latuda and things went bad and it took that long to stabilize me. My pdoc ended up putting me on restrictions where I was only allowed to work 40 hours a week for 5 months. I'm actually coming off of those restrictions in a few weeks and I'm scared to death. Work is the biggest stress in my life. I really don't know how I do it. I feel like I'm going to crack at any moment. To answer your question. It is scary going back after a long time. First of all, when we are gone we are going thru hell because we are sick and we are trying to focus on getting well and being stabilized. Then bam it hits you in the face that you now have to go back to work, and atleast for me, every time I was afraid that maybe I wasn't well enough to go back. I don't know if that is partly what you are also dealing with. I was also scared that I wasn't going to remember how to do my job, or maybe they had changed a lot of procedures while I was gone so I also had to learn that as well, more and more stress. For me it takes a few weeks after I get back to settle back into the routine and then my nerves calm down. I hope everything works out for you, you'd be surprised how strong we all can be. |
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#5
Dec 28, 2014, 06:28 PM
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Hi wildflowerchild
Yes, I tota get where you are coming from. I've taken extended leaves of absence and have had to return. The panic and anxiety was all there. What would my coworkers say to me? How would they react? What would my response be? But actually I did get support when I returned. mostly things like I'm glad to see you back and I hope you are better. I did have some modifications to my work load for the first week to ease me back into it. I hope you have a smooth transition. Take care. |
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#6
Dec 28, 2014, 06:29 PM
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I wish I could go back part time to start but I'm a teacher, it's kind of all or nothing. I'm just nervous about what to do for lessons bc I have no idea what the sub has been doing. Probably just reading from the textbook. I'm hoping to find a novel to read for the different grades.
It's just going to be hard to get in the swing of doing lessons and stuff like that. I wish I could ease into it but no such luck lol.
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
| onionknight
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#7
Dec 28, 2014, 06:32 PM
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OMG I HATE THAT FEELING!
You'll do fine girlfriend. It'll feel weird for a minute, but it's like riding a bike. Just ignore the part of yourself worried by what everyone thinks. Matter of fact, just turned that part off! Treat it like it was nothing but a thing! Good luck sweety..I wish you the best!  <3
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#8
Dec 28, 2014, 09:47 PM
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I can also related...at the beginning of the month, I left school very triumphantly, and all my classmates and professors knew what was happening. They knew I didn't finish, knew I was self-harming and irritable and knew I was in a very bad place. It may not have been that long, but it had been happening since October so people knew a lot of what was happening. Anyway, it is going to be bad for me to return in two weeks. For one, I don't want to face people, and also, I'm not sure I can do it.
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"What you risk reveals what you value" |
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#9
Dec 28, 2014, 11:20 PM
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Wild
 Just handle it minute by minute if need be. You can do this
__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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