[Ruftin]

I'm Bipolar. I don't have a psychiatrist due to very poor management by them in the past. My MD writes my prescriptions for all my psych medications. Lately I have been having episodes of severe anger/negative thoughts(voices)/rage. It last 1-2 weeks then lifts. I am literally telling the negative voices that I am hearing to shut up, in my own mind. The negative voices are in my own voice. I have a history of schizophrenia in my family but have never received this dx. I have had to seclude myself in my bedroom @ home to protect my family from this rage & have for the first time in my life been called out by my supervisor at work for snatching a piece of paper out of one of my co-workers hands. Yes I was raging mad at the time. I never act this way at work and the person I did it to was as shocked as I was. I'm afraid I will lose my job. I'm afraid to tell my Dr. for fear he will recommend a psychiatrist. I'm afraid of adding a new drug to my perfect little cocktail but I have to do something. I've tried to use my anti- anxiety to calm myself down but I don't think its working. Its a new symptom for me and I'm barely keeping the Bipolar under wraps. I don't know what to do.

[pegasus]

Ruftin, you know yourself best, do what you need to do. You have insight, go see your doctor.

[Ruftin]

I was thinking maybe it was menopause. Can they test you for that

[pegasus]

I believe so, it's definitely worth seeing your doctor about. If he refers you to a psychiatrist, that would actually be a good thing, you'd have more support. And if it was the menopause, there is treatment for that too. Don't suffer.

[gayleggg]

Just a thought. It could be hypomanic epsiodes. That's when I'm at my worst. Irritable, grouchy, snapping at people, especially my husband. I have recently retired but had it affect my workplace attitude, too.

I have those internal voices too. Worry and anxiety seems to make them worse or noises.

[ozzy1313]

I feel for you. Last night was the first time I snapped at a co worker and ended up being able to play it off, but I have always been so good at faking it that it surprised me. Maybe have your doctor run some blood work etc to rule out anything physical

Originally Posted by Ruftin

I'm Bipolar. I don't have a psychiatrist due to very poor management by them in the past. My MD writes my prescriptions for all my psych medications. Lately I have been having episodes of severe anger/negative thoughts(voices)/rage. It last 1-2 weeks then lifts. I am literally telling the negative voices that I am hearing to shut up, in my own mind. The negative voices are in my own voice. I have a history of schizophrenia in my family but have never received this dx. I have had to seclude myself in my bedroom @ home to protect my family from this rage & have for the first time in my life been called out by my supervisor at work for snatching a piece of paper out of one of my co-workers hands. Yes I was raging mad at the time. I never act this way at work and the person I did it to was as shocked as I was. I'm afraid I will lose my job. I'm afraid to tell my Dr. for fear he will recommend a psychiatrist. I'm afraid of adding a new drug to my perfect little cocktail but I have to do something. I've tried to use my anti- anxiety to calm myself down but I don't think its working. Its a new symptom for me and I'm barely keeping the Bipolar under wraps. I don't know what to do.

Sorry to say, your "perfect little cocktail" sounds like it needs a little tweaking. I would consider getting a pdoc just for the fact a MD is not qualified for matters of the mental domain. I hope you find your needs.

[Blitter2014]

I'm sorry to hear things are not going well and that you are afraid and angered by what you are going through. I think I would be if I were in your situation. I know those negative voices that get inside your head and just don't stop talking day or night. That's where medicaion has to come into the picture. There is just no way any mindfullness, meditation or the like can shut down negative voices. Thinking yes. But you voices no.

Please, Don't be afraid to get the help you need. Anything that can improve the quality of your life is worth pursuing with both hands.

[Ruftin]

Pegasus...My normal mind agrees with you, I need to go to my MD regardless and I will because you have given me the courage. I just don't want a psych referral. Once they decide you're on the right drug they wont back off even when your telling them you're unable to function on it or that your insurance will not cover it. I paid $400 for a 1 month supply because I couldn't get the Dr. to call me back with a different medication, I'm praying for menopause. gaylegg...I thought it might be hypomania too, I've experienced it before but that would mean my current medication may no longer be working for me because it's been under control for quite awhile. Yikes ozzy1313...I'm a good faker just like you. I've ruined a perfect record. I guess we can only pretend for so long. I really thought I had a handle on this little monster. AlwaysChanging2...I believe you are right. My meds need tweaking but I'm a psych nurse of all things and I know too much for my own good. I actually met my current MD at work and shared my story with him and he agreed to manage my meds but it may be time for a pdoc. Blitter2014...Yes the voices cannot be managed by self will but funny enough they stop just as suddenly as they begin. Bottom line I need to go see my Dr. Do I dare bring up the history of Schizophrenia in my family? I only recently found out. I'm adopted and found out through my birth father via The Children's Home Society that my mother had it. Thanks to everyone for your encouragement & support. I will go for a physical & take it from there.

[Mimielam]

Hello Ruftin,

I would talk to the doctor ASAP..Even if you work in the field, I really think that it's better to have the opinion of a professional that you trust.
Hope you're better soon.

[Sinking Feeling]

Just be prepared to be referred to a psych and it's for the best. I too tried to stay under the radar with my primary doc for as long as I could but he eventually realized I was beyond his level of expertise and that was that. Not all pdocs are bad! Granted many are like you described but I got lucky a few times and got pdocs willing to listent to me and "work with me" on meds. I can't afford some of the meds I have been prescribed, and thankfully my current pdoc understands my need for klonopin and wellbutrin and occasionally seroquel is usually all I need. All dirt cheap and effective. but no cure.

[Ruftin]

Hello Mimielam. Thank you for your advice. I am going to schedule an appt. right after the holidays. I know it has to be done. Just needed a little encouragement. Nurses make the worst patients

[Ruftin]

Sinking Feeling, thank you for seeing right through me You're exactly right. I've been staying under the radar. HHmmm...Seroquel might just be the answer for me. I've been thinking about it for a few days now. Funny you mentioned it. Either way I'll have to see a Dr. to get it. Very very low dose. 0.000000001mg once daily