[athena.csu.1987]

My diagnosis makes me mad. It makes me uneasy. It makes me feel like an outcast. It my family and friends don't understand, "snap out of it"," do you need medication?" ,"that medication is highly addictive."

There are many personal matters that make me feel like there is no future. I feel like I may never keep a job. I pissed of the wrong people even though I got so many compliments. I felt like I had a target on my back. And finally before maternity leave I was let go. I have been nervous to go back to work. I got a bachelors and got stuck in minim wage glorified sales associate ( optician). And I never felt like I could sell. I have forced myself into a field that doesn't value education, but instead values your ability to smile and ask for money. Then the online sale of glasses makes me feel dispensable.

I need a change. It's hard ,I anticipate rejection while filling out applications. I tell myself my weight I have gained will make it more difficult. This negative thinking is what's keeping me back. I look at happy people and don't feel glad for them. I think I want everyone to feel pain, self doubt because that's what's real. People thinking things are going Their way is in for real life to happen. Please negative thinking go away

[Moogieotter]

Hi Athena,

Hang in there and welcome to PC Biploar Land. For me, I just take it a day at a time and try to make each one a tiny bit better.

Keep sharing - we've got your back!

moogs

i hope that we can all help you anyway we can.

it's good you joined.

hi

[Blitter2014]

The injustice felt by people who have bipolar is real. The question "Why me?" comes up so often and it just turns you inside out thinking what could have been. One of the hardest things I have ever had to accept is the difference between what I have the ability to do and what I am capable of coping with. It makes you feel like a failure. Why can other people hold it together and have goals and dreams and aspirations and I am just holding it together leading a basic life?????

As hard as it may be, dwelling on what could have been can only damage your self confidence and your self esteem. Be proud of yourself for what you can accomplish DESPITE the hardships you face. Be proud that you are continuing to try, that you have not just curled up in a little ball like you would love to do and give up. You still want a better life, you are still striving for things to be better, you have not lost your drive - you are to be commended for this

Honestly, well done.....

[~Christina]

Your thinking is very common, You are not alone, at all. We all "get it " here.

Its a journey to come to accept your diagnosis and learn to live a healthy happy life while Bipolar is part of it ( yes is possible) . If the "label" is too much for you to handle right now, that's okay just focus on the symptoms your Doctor is treating , Depression? or anxiety? etc.

Everyone's Bipolar is Unique and needs to be attacked from all sides.

I'm sorry that your education isn't helping you find a better job, So many people are in the same boat. Its horrible, I hope that something comes along that will of course pay more and also builds self esteem and pride.

For now? Be kind to yourself and remember that altho you may think your job is just about selling glasses, Your helping people find glasses that they will actually like to wear and look good in...

Do you see a Therapist ? Have they helped you learn coping skills? Weight gain from Psych meds is a huge problem for self esteem but also your health in general, I have struggled with it in the past. Maybe your Pdoc needs to make a change not all meds cause weight gain.

Be your own best advocate, speak up to your Pdoc and T , search out all the help you need and if you can't find the right words .. tell them that. Squeeky wheel does indeed get the most help.

Welcome to PC I hope you will find the information and support here to be helpful. You are not alone.

[Tucson]

Originally Posted by Blitter2014

[edited]

As hard as it may be, dwelling on what could have been can only damage your self confidence and your self esteem. Be proud of yourself for what you can accomplish DESPITE the hardships you face. Be proud that you are continuing to try, that you have not just curled up in a little ball like you would love to do and give up. You still want a better life, you are still striving for things to be better, you have not lost your drive - you are to be commended for this

Honestly, well done.....

Truer words have not spoken. IMO this is very good advice. This has certainly helped me.