[Desafinado]

In my history with bipolar I've had three episodes, and I'd have to say out of anything that I've experienced due to Bipolar, these were the most traumatizing. The initial one was the worst, the scariest, and couldn't have happened under worse circumstances. More than that, when it was over I had no idea what had just happened. Over the next few years I ended up having two more episodes, one due to med withdrawal, and another drug induced, each just as ******.

Anyway, I've started this thread to chat about how others have helped themselves recover from these episodes, what the aftermath was like, how you got over it, and so on.

I'd have to say that the biggest things that came away from my first episode was an extreme dislike of the unknown and the obscure, and also the realization that almost no one I knew would be able to understand or empathize with what I experienced.

Since that time, and the later episodes, my life has been tinged with a mild level of paranoia: my mind always strings together random events into narratives that I have to self identify as delusional. So I like to keep my brain slowed down with sedative teas, and avoid social situations that have 'too much going on'.

Moreover, I've found that time itself has been the best healer. It's now been 5 years since my last episode, and as time passes the life I experienced the episodes in feels like a completely different, past life, and I gradually become more disconnected from it (or at least I try to).

[Moogieotter]

Hello,

I agree about time. Here's a good thread about delusions and psychosis from last week:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/bipol...delusions.html

I think I have mild PTSD from my last episode.

moogs

[wildflowerchild25]

I definitely had trauma from my last psychosis. My first psychosis was med induced so it didn't bother me as much because I figured if I stayed on a mood stabilizer I wouldn't get it again. But the last one last April happened all on its own and scared the crap out of me. Massive paranoid delusions so I spent a few days terrified that people were trying to kill me. I think the only thing that helped me was time, honestly. And talking about it. I talked about it on here a lot and with my therapy group. Just being able to say what happened to me helped. The only problem with that is you're limited with who you can talk to because only people who have been there understand. Everyone else thinks you're crazy.

[cashart10]

My worst psychotic episode happened almost 3 years ago. I had been manic for a while and hyper religious. I gradually became more and more delusional until God was speaking to me and I was seeing Jesus. My family didn't know what to think. It was when I crashed and knew something was very off that I realized how sick I had been and went back to a pdoc. I have really struggled with this, mostly because I still can't reconcile reality from delusions at this point. I still wonder if some of the so called delusions I had were really just things God gave to me, between the two of us. Since I am still a christian, this has caused tremendous stress on my relationship with The Lord. Also, I am afraid if I practice my faith at all, it will make me manic and eventually psychotic. I hardly even pray. The worst part is I had a dream I've believed was prophetic that said if I started to believe that The Lord was making me sick I would walk away from him. It seems that is just what has happened. That said, it is slowly getting better.

[*Laurie*]

I don't feel like I ever recover from psychotic breaks. They just seem to pile up until they are a wall in front of me everywhere I go. The best I can do is find a way to step around the wall, or make a door to go through it.

[lilypup]

I had good luck meeting people here on chat. They are able to understand the whole deal. Not all of them of course, but plenty of them.

[Love&Toil]

Originally Posted by Desafinado

I've started this thread to chat about how others have helped themselves recover from these episodes, what the aftermath was like, how you got over it, and so on.

[...]

Moreover, I've found that time itself has been the best healer. It's now been 5 years since my last episode, and as time passes the life I experienced the episodes in feels like a completely different, past life, and I gradually become more disconnected from it (or at least I try to).

Same. Time seems to help. I found my teenage experience very disturbing for many years, and now it seems so long ago that it was like a different lifetime and a different person.

[middlepath]

[QUOTE=Desafinado;

Since that time, and the later episodes, my life has been tinged with a mild level of paranoia: my mind always strings together random events into narratives that I have to self identify as delusional. So I like to keep my brain slowed down with sedative teas, and avoid social situations that have 'too much going on'.

Moreover, I've found that time itself has been the best healer. It's now been 5 years since my last episode, and as time passes the life I experienced the episodes in feels like a completely different, past life, and I gradually become more disconnected from it (or at least I try to).[/QUOTE]

Thanks SO much for starting this thread. You managed to state something that I have felt, but could not put into words. I feel exactly this way!!! My last BBBBBAD episode was just over two years ago, but it took my brain nearly 9 most (or more) to recover. I felt so alone, so disconnected, so sad and empty during the recovery. Now, I know the person who experienced that horror was me, but I have filed much of my connectedness to it in the "do not open!" drawer in my brain. I know that another episode may be inevitable but I certainly hope that any of the self-inflicted types of episodes that have been in my past will be avoided in the future. I have been trying really hard to take good care of myself.

To comment directly about your topic...I have found that in order to recover from an episode, I realize that the number one thing you need is patience. Secondly, time. And finally, outstanding self-care. I tried to use the opposite-action approach. If I felt like melting into the couch or my bed, I forced myself up and to move around. I would also force myself to get my shoes on and go outside (this was so hard). There were days where a shower seemed like the most excruciating process, but I forced myself. I guess just knowing that you have to find the strength within you, even when you are at your weakest is a necessity to recovery, too.

I have only had one horrrrrrendous episode fortunately, but every day was a fight for my life. I have had numerous moderate/severe episodes and the recovery recipe was the same, it just didn't take every ounce of energy i had left to give...the lighter the episode, the less energy it takes to recover in my opinion.

[Victoria'smom]

I seem to have resual psychosis that gets worse after each episode. Does anyone else gett this?

[Desafinado]

Originally Posted by cashart10

My worst psychotic episode happened almost 3 years ago. I had been manic for a while and hyper religious. I gradually became more and more delusional until God was speaking to me and I was seeing Jesus. My family didn't know what to think. It was when I crashed and knew something was very off that I realized how sick I had been and went back to a pdoc. I have really struggled with this, mostly because I still can't reconcile reality from delusions at this point. I still wonder if some of the so called delusions I had were really just things God gave to me, between the two of us. Since I am still a christian, this has caused tremendous stress on my relationship with The Lord. Also, I am afraid if I practice my faith at all, it will make me manic and eventually psychotic. I hardly even pray. The worst part is I had a dream I've believed was prophetic that said if I started to believe that The Lord was making me sick I would walk away from him. It seems that is just what has happened. That said, it is slowly getting better.

I think you can basically look at it like this:

The mind can only understand the events that surround it by stringing those events into narratives that make logical sense. In other words, we tell ourselves stories about things that are happening in our lives to be able to better comprehend those things. The stories themselves may or may not be true.

When it comes to religious thought, that type of thinking has been the most profound line of thought in human history. Of all species in the world, man is the only one that can look at him or her-self and ask 'why', and because of this unique trait, people's question of why has so far predominantly led to the answer of: "because God".

So it's no surprise that when people's minds become more active and lead toward psychosis, that the ultimate answer the narrative leads to is 'because God'. But if you can imagine a world where the 'concept' of God just didn't exist, then the delusions we had about God would not be possible. We would still become delusional yes, but our mind wouldn't be able to comprehend a dream-like state that included God. So that fact alone falsifies that psychosis has anything to do with God.

For what it's worth, my first bout of psychosis also had religious elements, but once I came out of that psychosis I realized that those religious elements were illusion, because I understood that the way I was seeing things while psychotic were just my way of perceiving the world at the time, and not how the world actually was.

So all that said, it's not so much that accepting that your visions were illusion falsifies Christianity or anything, it's that you were in something of a waking dream, and your Christian faith is a completely separate thing from whatever that experience was.

My suggestion for you is to completely write off any of your psychotic experiences, and do your best to tirelessly search out what the truth of any situation is at any time. Because the truth is what's real, and when you know what's actually happening, you're more able to deal with your life.

[Desafinado]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I seem to have resual psychosis that gets worse after each episode. Does anyone else gett this?

You continue to have small psychotic episodes after larger psychotic episodes?

After all the episodes I had I usually found myself in severe depression for a couple months, so that was never a problem.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by Desafinado

I think you can basically look at it like this:

The mind can only understand the events that surround it by stringing those events into narratives that make logical sense. In other words, we tell ourselves stories about things that are happening in our lives to be able to better comprehend those things. The stories themselves may or may not be true.

When it comes to religious thought, that type of thinking has been the most profound line of thought in human history. Of all species in the world, man is the only one that can look at him or her-self and ask 'why', and because of this unique trait, people's question of why has so far predominantly led to the answer of: "because God".

So it's no surprise that when people's minds become more active and lead toward psychosis, that the ultimate answer the narrative leads to is 'because God'. But if you can imagine a world where the 'concept' of God just didn't exist, then the delusions we had about God would not be possible. We would still become delusional yes, but our mind wouldn't be able to comprehend a dream-like state that included God. So that fact alone falsifies that psychosis has anything to do with God.

For what it's worth, my first bout of psychosis also had religious elements, but once I came out of that psychosis I realized that those religious elements were illusion, because I understood that the way I was seeing things while psychotic were just my way of perceiving the world at the time, and not how the world actually was.

So all that said, it's not so much that accepting that your visions were illusion falsifies Christianity or anything, it's that you were in something of a waking dream, and your Christian faith is a completely separate thing from whatever that experience was.

My suggestion for you is to completely write off any of your psychotic experiences, and do your best to tirelessly search out what the truth of any situation is at any time. Because the truth is what's real, and when you know what's actually happening, you're more able to deal with your life.

Desafinado,

It was only after I typed my response I realized I failed to answer your question entirely. Sorry about that. Time and therapy are the only things that have helped me somewhat reconcile the situation, but, like I mentioned, I am still not there.

Thank you for your response. It was thoughtful advice and it makes sense to me.

[Victoria'smom]

You continue to have small psychotic episodes after larger psychotic episodes?

Yes, I had a huge one last November-summer (complete with being evil, imaganary, husband going to kill me and my family conspering to take my family away from me) all of that I seriously believed. By all accounts I'm stable but it's "he's going to hurt me if I don't hurt myself first" I know it's untrue but it feels so true.