[ozzy1313]

My friend has a TBI. She was in an accident over a year ago and has had many spine and neck surgeries and has debilitating neuro issues. She still works and travels for work and has a family but in in the ER at least once a week. We were talking last night bc we were supposed to go out and she backed out due to a sick kid but I knew it was bc she was having physical issues. We talked and I told her to be honest with me and just say she is not up to going out. I told her that with my bipolar I wished I could openly say that, and how guilty I feel and a burdon to my family. She says she feels the same way (she has very little memories from before the accident) about guilt all the time.

Then I told her that I felt guilty telling her my problems bc hers seem so much worse and more "real". And this is when it hit home. I don't blame her or shame her for her health issues- she didn't ask for them. Yet, I shame me for mine bc I feel like it is my fault for having them.

Anyone else feel guilty for having an "invisible" illness?

[pepper2009]

It is very different and difficult with MI than a physical ailment from my experience. I have an artificial hip which was replaced when I was twenty. If I was in pain and decided last minute that I didn't want to go out dancing with friends, they easily accepted it and wished me well. However, backing out do to a mood swing was not accepted. My friend would try to talk me down from whatever swing I was on so I could never admit how I felt. It was embarrassing, frustrating, and shaming. To admit to being depressed would lead to question: why? No one accepts the true answer: I don’t know. To admit that I'm so filled with rage led to the same question: why. No one can understand that there is no reason for it. Everyone thinks that talking about it will fix the problem because in their life, that’s how it works. If they are sad about something or angry, they could discuss with a friend and feel better. That isn't how it works for me. Talking make is worse.

Then there are the happy up's: when I love the world and everyone in it. Being that euphoric does not elicit as many questions. Once that feeling fades though, and I no longer want to be a part of things I so passionately agreed to do is just as hard and embarrassing to explain.

Like you said: it’s an invisible illness. It is very real though. I have long ago accepted my dx and no longer feel guilty. I didn’t ask for this and I don’t expect other people to understand.

[ozzy1313]

You described my thoughts perfectly! It's also why I am always hesitant to make plans. On Monday I may feel great and social so I make plans for Friday, yet Friday comes and I can't do it. So I lie. My stomach hurts. I have a migraine. I even still do it w family even though they must know the truth. This past bout if depression I was truthful and even though I know they love me with all their heart and try to understand I still got it from parents and husband to just get off the couch. To do something. That laying there won't help. You would never say to a deaf person "just listen to my voice!"

It makes me sad and mad just thinking about it. Today I feel fine but I keep tearing up. Maybe bc of this conversation I had with my friend last night.

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[Desafinado]

I don't think of my bipolar as an 'illness' so to speak. I think of it as a part of who I am that has to be treated to remain under control. So that's what I do: I treat it and deal with the issues I have until the issues are minimal. Once the issues are minimal then the 'problem' isn't so much of a problem any more, I take my meds nightly, make sure I can afford to continue buying them, and carry on.

There's no need to feel guilt about it, your brain works a little different from other people's. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, it just is what it is.

[Homeira]

I have to say that I do think of my bipolar partly as a physical illness. It may be streching it a bit, but the more I think about it, the more I see those sides of it. I am an occupational therapist, and have worked both with MI and physical illness/handicapped people. So I see some similarities there. The highs end up being draining and exhausting, while the depressions are debilitating. Can hardly move for exhaustion and lethargy when depressed. Especially neurological illnesses have those symptoms, and then it is considered physical handicap. Lots of overlapping symptoms.

[gayleggg]

Somewhere along the way we were given the idea that it is okay to be psychically ill but not to be mentally ill. I think this revelation was when I was quite young and watched movies that had people in them with mental health issues.

[BNLsMOM]

I don't feel guilty for having this illness, but I feel guilty for judging people who used disability bet didn't seem disabled. I remember seeing on the news once secret footage of someone on disability who was up fixing the roof of his house. I remember think that he was cheating the system. Now I realize that a silent disability is so awful because here I am on disability, but I can still take care of my kids, drive around, do my errands, fix my house, paint the walls, go to the gym go out for a run. But going to work full time with all its stresses can put me in the hospital. Now I get it.