Slowly killing myself.

Trigger warning

Okay I am a 41 yo bipolar male that has been pretty steady since last April or so. With the way my meds are working I no longer have constant sucidal thought except every so often so I am okay there. One of my problems is I still for some stupid reason I will go on a med vacation and I always end up going back to them. So here is my killing myself slowly first of I was a over the road truck driver with 1.5 million miles under my belt well when I quit driving truck three years ago I weighed 354 pounds and I am now down to 278 and filling better. I know I need to lose more weight. I am diabetic and have high blood pressure and last year I quit taking my meds for those for at least 8 months until my wife caught on and made me get back on them but it is almost like I don't care I mean I still eat like a pig heck last Halloween in the time of 3 or 4 days I ate a four pound bag of candy. I feel like now instead of trying to end it quickly I am just doing it over time by neglecting my medical needs.. This is not a New Years resolution cause I have not done one of those in about twenty years. Now after I have written this I feel like erasing it all and say f it. I don't know why I am writing this but maybe I am hoping for some support or something I just don't know anything anymore I mean three years ago I was a independent owner operator of a trucking company and now I sit on the couch watching t.v. And feeling codependent on my wife I went from bringing in six figures hoping I can get social security now I am broke as a joke my future has been shattered I was originally diagnosed over twenty years ago but was pretty stable until three years ago. Sucks to know that this disease will never go away. Well my rant is over for now wish me luck.

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Try not to go on those "med vacations."

Here is a quote from a good article I just found:

Stopping psychiatric medications suddenly can cause a range of symptoms — from the dizziness and ringing ears associated with abruptly stopping certain antidepressants, to the actual withdrawal that you could experience from going off an anti-anxiety medication. If you suddenly stop taking lithium, one of the drugs most commonly prescribed to stabilize bipolar disorder moods, you can experience “rebound,” a worsening of your bipolar symptoms.

I also have a problem with overeating to the point of feeling disgusting. What has helped me was having support. A good place to look is the Overeating & Binge Eating forum. Pretty much everyone there will understand the food/general malaise feelings you have and can give you some good advice on how to conquer it.

Also, you have support here and you always will. I wish you the best of luck, my friend.

Hi otroo-- I do wish you luck. I've had similar issues. Trouble taking care of myself as I should and staying on meds. This time around I've got a proper diagnosis and meds which are working well. But I still struggle to exercise and eat right, and I've been out of work for over 2 years. It does suck that we've got this disease for life, but knowing that I just try to make the best of every day, and have some faith that things can get better instead of worse.

My husband over eats (currently 370lbs) I think most anyone with cronic illness is killing themselves slowly.

Well one of the big things I have done is I quit drinking all forms of sodas and that sucks but I was drinking between 2 to 4 liters a day. Thanks for all the positive thoughts.

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hey man

miss miguel'smom gave me something that has been a big help

go to the store and get yourself a little notebook ........in there use the book to keep track of everything ....front part u keep your list of pills one per page list the dose and list the side effect and how u feel with the date

the middle section all health problems ....what it is date of test all that good stuff ...the back is list of all doctors and ppl u have dealt with

when ever u go to the doctors u whip out that little book and tell them what is going on from the notes so they gte the full story and can offer u other pill combos

as for the weight thing and attacking the sweets .......i can only offer u the training i was given to get something sweet u must do a random act of kindness /make other person day better in return u can have a sugary treat .......we are not talking little things we are talking oh my god cry happy things

to replace soda have u tried ICED TEA .....southern style
13 tea bags of red rose ice tea a kettle of hot water and a 1 gallon pitcher ...add the tea bags add the water cap it so the steam stays inside come back in 45 mins add cold water to pitchr so u can pull out tea bags ....while the water is still warm add 1 cup of sugar stir in the sugar and then fill the pitcher with cold water untill it is full stir it and u have home made tea

i drink near a gallon of the stuff a day most of my life .......the tea is good for u one several lvls and the sugar in it should make the craving go away or be manageable

u can lower the sugar u add but 1 cup to a gallon has been a good mix for me the 13 tea bags i like mine strong my family has own pitcher they do 10 bags

i still have a soda now and then ....tea is all gone making new pitcher or i go tho fast food place ( lemonaid and half sprite )

Your in a place more people than not find themselves in. You have a lot of things that you know you need to change, But no one can do all the things at once.. You gave up Soda ? Hell that is Huge !!

You need to just start with obtainable goals... Take a X amount of minutes walk a day. Or when that craving for X food hits, find something else to do for 20 mins , as that is usually the amount of time it takes for a craving to go away.
If I notice I am spending too much time sitting on my couch, I make myself stand up and watch tv... Yep its annoying lol but its a good mental tap to help you find something else to do.

Making any changes however small will make difference.

Even if you hate your meds, take them as prescribed for now , until your getting yourself into a daily routine and feeling better .. then you can talk to your doctor about your medications and maybe change or stop a few when its a healthy time to do so .

Good luck, One step at a time.

Thank you everyone for the advice and kind words.

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My heart is with you, and your words are like the good kick in the pants that
I needed
I, too, am slowly killing myself, with chips, pizza, cookies, chocolate bars...and so on

I've been trying to make changes, and I know that baby steps is all that I can do.

Baby steps

If I can do it, you can!

As a trucker, you have my respect

Truckers are the ones who bring me food, clothes and everything that I need
to take care of my self

My Dad always used to say "always give them the right of way, because those guys put food on your table"

A tough, hard to do job.
Thank you