Hate depression

I don't even know why I am writing. It is all over the same thing happening again. Early evening until falling asleep is always my super worst phase. I can't stop crying until I manage to fall sleep, then I wake up and the sky is just a bit brighter but still not bright enough. It's a vicious circle. My heart is aching, I mean literally. I cannot even breath properly, I walk around the house like the zombies of walking dead. There is no meaning in anything. Does anybody else in depression has the feeling that people hate you? That they don't even wanna send you any messages anymore? Like you don't exist? Is it just me who feels so lonely? I want this to stop and I cannot, still cannot, believe that it will never cease to exist until I die. And I have no idea anymore if this is a life worth living.

I go through phases like that when I'm most depressed. I have to really work to convince myself that my thinking is faulty when I'm depressed.

I can't see anything faulty on my thoughts right now. Maybe I know deep deep inside that I overreact but for me, what i think right now, it is the truth. It is my truth, which I am living.

I totally understand. Nothing seems worth it and often I resent those loved ones (my kids, husband) around me bc if it weren't for them I wouldn't have to be here.

Are you on any Psych meds? If your "okay" in the morning but if the evenings are always your rough times .. Could it be the time of day that your meds are wearing off? Just a thought.

If medication(s) aren't a possibility then you need to look into changing your nightly routine, Could be anything from , exercise to what your eating for dinner to planning your evening to avoid having time to over think and worry.. It's often hard to determine how to make changes.

Do you have a T (therapist) ? Therapy can often find patterns and learn ways to cope and make changes that will improve your daily living.

Hope your feeling better