[winterglen]

I know it's not possible, but I just want to quit my job and all my other obligations.

I had a major f***-up at work. Then I had to pay for another security upgrade for my computer and got screamed at by my parents for spending more money on something I did wrong. Then I left my ereader behind at the library and I didn't notice until THE NEXT DAY that I had left it behind. I had to call in, then drive in to get it back, apologizing the whole time, while the clerk was being all nice, but she couldn't have meant it because nobody believes irresponsible people deserve kindness.

I want to quit. What is the point of trying to hold down a job and do things right when I keep f***ing up and embarrassing everyone around me? Why would anyone want to put up with me if I keep f***ing up? I'm too stupid to learn how to be responsible. It's better if I just stay home and out of everyone's way.

[wildflowerchild25]

I think you're being WAY too hard on yourself. Seriously. I'm a forgetful person (even before the ECT) and I've forgotten loads of important things at work. It doesn't make me stupid or a terrible person. I forgot to do my weekly update this week - I'll just turn it in tomorrow and apologize. Plenty of people have left stuff behind somewhere and had to go get it. It doesn't make you an irresponsible f*** up. Really.

If I were to guess I'd say you're maybe feeling a bit depressed right now. Depression really screws with your self esteem. It lies to you and tries to make you feel like a worthless human being. Don't listen to the lies.

I hope you feel better soon. Really.

[jacky8807]

I totally agree with wildflower. Im a 34 year old mother of two and i still forget my own name half the time! Go easy on yourself and do realize these negative self defeating thoughts are one big brain trick. I got that advice from here and it is the best i ever got.
Now when im depressed or overwhelmed and start being down on myself i stop it in its tracks and realize bipolar is being mean to me today

[gloamingone]

I'm also hard on myself in the workplace. It's really easy to criticize yourself for doing something wrong. Not so easy to forgive yourself or build yourself up after a mistake. My T suggested I try the positive self-talk when I'm NOT having a hard time, so it would come easier when I am having a hard time.

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[Homeira]

My support to you! Just remember that the best of us mess up on work sometimes. It is part of the situation at a workplace. EVERYBODY from time to time makes some mistake(s). It is embarassing and might make your co-workers unhappy for a little while. But pretty soon it is someone elses turn to mess up! People forget what happened, workers have far too much on their plate to keep track of every mistake someone does. Sounds to me like you have a strong ethic about working, and that is a thing an employer notices. Just try to put it behind you, and pretty soon other things will be more important that this.

[Skywalking]

I'm much the same way. Especially as with my job, my mistakes are visible to thousands of people, many of whom have no problem fussing me out and being truly nasty to me as a person. I really sympathize even as I agree that this kind of thinking is a bit over the top and perfectionistic. Everybody screws up. We should not be so hard on ourselves, I think maybe self esteem is part of it, too, on top of meds.

[Resident Bipolar]

Be easier on yourself

[Blitter2014]

Its that whole internal conflict that I can so relate to. You are trying your hardest but still feel you are not making the grade and it hurts. You want to be better, want other people to see how hard you are trying, but when you make a mistake you beat yourself up until you can see no other option but to give up. If this is how you feel then I get it. Realize that your thoughts are not portraying the real you, that the ruminations are not real, and try to use your mindfulness and other techniques to calm your nervous system. When the ruminations take over, control them with positive affirmations and drowned out the negative thoughts. Most of all, don't give up, especially on yourself. A bad day and possibly a bad week does not mean you are worthless, nor does a bad day equal a bad life.

[~Christina]

Step off the guilt train , your "assuming" a lot of things that have no truth to to them.

Pick a day and be a kid, do kid stuff , watch cartoons, go to the park and go play on the slide spin your self on the swings until you almost wanna hurl . Eat icecream for lunch,or whatever you want.

Last time I gave myself a kid day? Hell it was the best !!! It recharged me.

Don't guilt yourself in a corner. Life is tough and short. Have some fun.

[newbie_bpd]

I feel like you. I've been started on 4 med in 5 months and I take care of people. I'm so forgetful now, I can't concentrate and feel embarrassed often. I spiral into negative thinking also. I'm new at this and the only coping skills I'm doing are crying, deep breathing, or knocking myself out and hope to wakeup better. I'm trying to write more notes which helps sometimes. I think the kid day idea may help and trying to stop the negative thought thread through distraction. Good luck and I'm going to try this advice too.

Brittney

[Love&Toil]

How are you doing today winterglen?