Can you relate?

Depressed-agitated, restless, anxious, weepy, frantic. How come I can name all these feelings today yet when the next one hits I'm so confused why I feel this way and it feels so foreign that I'm willing to do anything to not feel that way. Why is each and every episode a shock?

Well, I don't know that I can answer your question, ChaoticSymphony. For me, such mental states as depression, agitation, etc. just seem to sneak up on me. I'm in them before I even realize that they've developed. By then, I wouldn't say it's too late... but just that it's too late to ward them off before they set in (because they've already done so!) So then it's a matter of finding my way back out.

Perhaps it's just that it's one thing to know something intellectually. It's something else again to be able to put it into practice. I do also think there is an element of "non-mindfulness" at work here. Instead of being grounded in the here-&-now, our minds tend to be off thinking about other things. So when a mood, such as depression or agitation, sets in it comes as a surprise to us. Were we able to be more mindful, we would perhaps see these moods coming. Then we would not be surprised & could ward them off before they could get a grip on us.

It's kind of weird how it works. I know i can relate to that, especially when I am in a mixed state as the emotions tend to seem very off. So much energy, but the hatred in depression doesnt allow me to be happy. All I get is anger and sadness with the motivation of absolute destruction...

I can relate. I'm dealing with a mixed state. Everything is confusing even though I know what's causing it. Its a foggy to me too

It hits Ya like a sledge hammer repeatedly. Mo stabilizers! Go for numb! I do.

I just cashed in my 90 day chip for a bottle of vodka. Tbh alcohol is the best medication I've ever tried. I woke up not ashamed of myself but a sense of calm. I'm still going to keep quitting but if and when things get that bad I'm definitely not riding it out. Screw that notion. Thanks for all the replies.

I can really relate to this. I mostly notice my anger when I'm mixed but the sadness is probably there too and like you said I have all the motivation of mania but because of the depression aspect it's just... incredibly destructive...

I don't have any great words of wisdom for you. Reading your thread just touched me and brought back my own memories. It's a real crappy place to be when you are mixed and trying to stay sober. I stopped drinking a year and a half ago. I tried for years and suddenly was able to stop. Mixed episodes are far worse than depression, imo. You do what you need to do.

I'm glad you are feeling better.

Are you feeling any better tonight?

New here... I suggest that we have such trouble because not only must we cope with mental illness and its consequences, but our minds, and therefore the mechanisms with which we recognize, interpret, and cope with the illness are themselves diseased. We're unable to understand what's happening exactly because of what's happening. For what it's worth, vodka seems like a high-risk solution. Best wishes for a speedy return to a better understanding.

For me it's always a shock because hope hasn't died. I feel like I'm gonna get through this and stabilize. I'm going to be a productive person and wammo another episode of depression hits

Other than crying over sentimental and sad things I feel great. Definitely took the edge off. Thanks for the support guys. You're all great.

You're okay. I cashed in a 5 yr. I still feel good. My prob is more bipolar than drugs and alcohol. If I weren't bipolar, I just might not be a drinker. Think?

I'm not Pdoc but you seem "mixed" to me. Its pure hell on earth , best advice, call your Pdoc asap and get this knocked down.

Hope your feeling better very soon . Pm anytime

I'm new here, and I can 100% relate to what you're describing and wish you all the best. It's really jarring to me how different I can be at times. The anxiousness and franticness is the worst possible state for me. Sometimes when severely depressed there's almost a reprieve from everything. Just total emotional numbness and lying in bed all day, but when the anxiety's high, I start to worry about the prospect of never being normal again and feel like everything in the world is wrong with me. I get so snappy with people because I'm on the verge of tears, and all noise is too loud. Refrigerator humming or fans drive me INSANE.

As per alcohol, I'm sober currently, but very much struggling with it on a daily basis. Allaying having to remind myself it's not worth it...

Haha. I like vodka. It's a great solution. If you lived the life I lived....yould be drinking too.