[ScarletBegonias420]

Hello,
recently just diagnosed with bipolar. I was severely depressed for years, last semester i COMPLETELY SWITCHED. Instead of being depressed, not wanting to attend classes, do my homework, staying in bed all day I had this GREAT burst of energy. I started to become so happy and productive. I went from barely passing classes to getting 4.0s in all of them, it was the happiest i've ever been. I never thought anything of it until people starting pointing out to me how random and fast my thoughts were. My friends didn't understand how we could be talking about something and literally 2 seconds later I bring up something so random. they used to make fun of me and say "haha ADD", things like that. Besides that I realize I literally talk a mile a minute and totally interrupt people all the time. People began to think I was just rude. I didn't realize how irritable I was until I went home for break from college and I literally couldn't be in the same room as my family for more than 5 minutes without getting agitated and causing a fight. This is when I realized something wasn't normal. I went to the doctor and they diagnosed me with bipolar, suggested medication but i refused. I LOVE BEING MANIC! I get soooo much done and it feels great. However, my doctor said I will eventually crash and it will be bad? Is this true? I believe I may be crashing now because this weekend I did some sexually impulsive things, and am so ashamed. My self esteem is going down by the minute and I believe everyone is staring/talking about me. I'm really nervous because this is a new thing for me. Please give me some feedback.

[ScarletBegonias420]

Also, I don't know if i believe the doctor when he says I'm bipolar. I think he's just doing this because diagnosing people is what keeps him in business.. how can you diagnose someone after meeting them for just 30 minutes?

[sintesi]

The mania is great but when the laughter stops things are very different.

If you aren't happy with the diagnosis please consider getting a second opinion. What you describe is what many people living with bipolar go through.

I was also recently diagnosed bipolar after fighting with major depression for a long time. My manic episodes were never that severe but I did get into some financial problems, lost my work due to impulsive decisions and extremely volatile temper. I also managed to wreck my marriage and went through two failed relationships after that. All of this while being undiagnosed.

I'm on medication right now and I hate the idea of it but I'm living a better quality of life overall. Anxiety and depressive episodes aside.

Please consider some support system at least if you don't want to go the medication route. Also look at your diet and sleeping patterns. Folinic Acid, Magnesium and Omega 3 will help with brain function also. Spend time outside as much as possible and make sure you have some sort of routine in your life. Exercise and find somebody you can talk to about all of this. It will help and you will have a good life.

[ScarletBegonias420]

thank you for the advice. another thing is my thinking is so distorted, I don't even know if I'm manic right now or depressed. Just extremely confused and in a fog. I have my first meeting with a counselor today but I feel so overwhelmed and confused, I'm not sure what to even say. I feel like I'm going to cry the second I walk in her office and try to explain what I'm feeling. my thoughts are so insanely overwhelming, torturous to a degree. I wish I could shut my mind off for a bit

[sintesi]

As difficult as it sounds, just breathe. I felt the same when I had to start confronting this.

You are going to be just fine. There is an amazing community of people here that will listen and give advice based on experience.