Lied to Dr oops

Because of past alcohol and drug abuse no one would give me benzos so I have a new fam doc because my old one retired. So when I explained my anxiety he thought giving me a benzo would be good and I was so happy to be heard. Then he asked the dreaded question and I lied and said i socially drink. I've had benzos in the past and never abused them, one pill is plenty for squashing the anxiety.

I went to the psych today too and she basically said I'm not med compliant so come back when things get bad again. I also saw the therapist today and she got me to fill out a 300+ questionnaire to figure out a disgnoses. I've been told I have bipolar, bpd and ptsd. I only fully relate well with the ptsd as my moods, yes unprovoked, only last long with depression but the "hypomania" only lasts in tiny spurts. Bpd I can relate a little but from my understanding splitting is kind of a trademark and I see all grey matters after restless hours of pondering every scenario possible. Plus I'm not afraid of being alone and don't try to avoid it at all. Plus the chronic emptiness isn't something I feel. But the reckless spending and speeding and fluctuations in eating with crazy rage at times makes me fit into those symptoms. So hopefully this will be my final diagnoses. I know ur only supposed to be concerned with symptoms not labels but I'm very curious anyways.

It seems that at least a part of you wants to be protected from abusing Benzo's as you have started this thread. I would suggest you toss the pills in the bin (if you have already filled the script) before things get out of hand again. Destroy the script too. Are you supposed to be on any other meds at the moment? What meds are you not complient with? It is so important that you work with your clinicians by being honest and setting up a treatment plan you both agree with. It worries me that you lied to your doctor to get benzo's. It could be a fast downhill slide for you so please take care.

As for diagnoses they are really only useful to help find the correct treatment. I have had the same three diagnoses myself until the PTSD was treated to being manageable(I still have symptoms but not overwhelming anymore). At this point the BPD literally disappeared leaving me with Bipolar 1 and PTSD. I totally get you being curious. I have been the same with my diagnoses to the point of researching the pants off them all. Educating yourself about whatever symptoms and diagnoses you have is a wise thing. Just don't overdo it as it can mess with your mind...well it certainly did for me.

I can relate to a lot of what you're saying.
First off my benzo usually helps curb the desire to drink. But I don't know how much you drink or if it's been a bad problem.
Also I'm so curious about dx's. I don't fit any of them perfectly. So they tell me don't worry treatment is working. It kind of frustrates me. Like so what do I really have? Maybe I'll never know. Maybe they don't have a name for it yet... Ugh I feel ya

I've been sober for 5.5 years, had a pretty serious problem with alcohol and also abused a variety of drugs. When I was in outpatient rehab, I once took a Xanax that had been prescribed to me, I took it for anxiety, and they made me change my sobriety date because of it (they found it in mandatory urine tests).

The Ritalin for the ADD was ok though. But my anxiety? That wasn't real!

Xanax doesn't make me high. It makes me feel somewhat normal.

IMO, if you really don't abuse it, and don't plan to abuse it because you actually really do need it and don't want to waste it, then **** 'em.

I take Xanax PRN now. I don't abuse it. Always have a bunch left over when it comes time to get a new script.

Yes exactly!! I'm supposed to take 2 a day but the pharmacist said it be smarter to take as needed. I'm not drinking like I used to. One time in 3 months and only because my anxiety was literally making me feel like death would be a vacation. I was on seroquel recently and that was awesome except the weight gain so had to quit. Then abilify but same weight issues and didn't work as good as the seroquel either. So I quit. That's how I got the non compliant label. I have other health issues that any weight gain is detrimental to my health. My kidneys are damaged. So I really love that the med trials are over and I can just run when the going gets bad.