[jesusplay]

I was feeling pretty normal for the first time in a long time. I got out the house an volunteered to help out in the local community. It was great, I didn't get tired spent a good few hours out there. I was socializes with people like a normal person and everything. Next day I crashed, bad thoughts, couldn't get out the bed for 2 days then today was PART 2. I wasn't in the mood, I wasn't me, I didn't know how to talk to people, I was tired and annoyed, I stayed for an hour and left.

I really don't see how I could ever have any romantic relationship or even have kids. I feel I should just stay in my house and give up.

So sorry you feel ths way, but thats the nature of the illness. One day it's you're the person, and then the next....shoot me. I don't know your cycle, but it seems to be pretty quick. Have you been diagnosed bipolar by a pdoc? There are many things that can make you feel out of sorts the next day anywhere from what you ate up to an illness. Professional help would be advised to be necessary to get the help needed to fight this or any disease. Hang in there!

[Hexagram]

For me, IMHO and FWIW, a big part of learning to live with the disease is knowing and constantly reminding yourself that it never really subsides and no matter how normal or stable you feel, you must never forget that you're only a sleepless night or other stressful event away from your next episode. I can understand why you might feel incapable of parenting (I would never want to subject kids to my symptoms) but don't give up on romance... there's someone out there who will love you the way you are. Never give up.

Best wishes.

[quasicrystalline]

Originally Posted by Hexagram

For me, IMHO and FWIW, a big part of learning to live with the disease is knowing and constantly reminding yourself that it never really subsides and no matter how normal or stable you feel, you must never forget that you're only a sleepless night or other stressful event away from your next episode. I can understand why you might feel incapable of parenting (I would never want to subject kids to my symptoms) but don't give up on romance... there's someone out there who will love you the way you are. Never give up.

Best wishes.

I didn't post the original post, but I just wanted to let you know how helpful this is to me right now. My Bipolar I diagnosis is official after this last manic episode. Now I'm sitting here with this messy trail of disaster to pick up and it's really daunting. I've started worrying about the same thing—will I ever have a healthy relationship or kids? I think your advice is stellar. I'm guilty of impatience and craving quick fixes, but it's going to have to be something I accept as a longterm battle. I'll have to make strides in my every day, even normal self days, to prevent relapse. Can't stay up into the wee hours of the AM anymore.... Unfortunately.

[Flyer]

Sleep is good therapy, at least for me.

I have 2 beautiful children who are adults and love me. For some reason their love amazed and surprised me but I enjoy every minute of it.

I'm on my third husband and wouldn't have another. He is a wonderful man who accepts me as I am.

Yes it is possible, and yes they are out there.

(((hugs)))

[Tucson]

Originally Posted by jesusplay

I was feeling pretty normal for the first time in a long time. I got out the house an volunteered to help out in the local community. It was great, I didn't get tired spent a good few hours out there. I was socializes with people like a normal person and everything. Next day I crashed, bad thoughts, couldn't get out the bed for 2 days then today was PART 2. I wasn't in the mood, I wasn't me, I didn't know how to talk to people, I was tired and annoyed, I stayed for an hour and left.

I really don't see how I could ever have any romantic relationship or even have kids. I feel I should just stay in my house and give up.

This is what happens to me allot. And I am not rapid cycler either. I go into a situation positive and extend myself to others. I am a whirlwind and get more done in one day than I have for weeks. Then the next day I crash.

[Hexagram]

Originally Posted by quasicrystalline

I didn't post the original post, but I just wanted to let you know how helpful this is to me right now. My Bipolar I diagnosis is official after this last manic episode. Now I'm sitting here with this messy trail of disaster to pick up and it's really daunting. I've started worrying about the same thing—will I ever have a healthy relationship or kids? I think your advice is stellar. I'm guilty of impatience and craving quick fixes, but it's going to have to be something I accept as a longterm battle. I'll have to make strides in my every day, even normal self days, to prevent relapse. Can't stay up into the wee hours of the AM anymore.... Unfortunately.

Thanks for your response. I don't know if it's the benefit of accumulated experience or some kind of mid-life epiphany (I just turned 45, so I figure I'm due for some kind of mid-life something soon), but instead of contemplating and reacting to only the latest in a 25-year-long succession of manias, depressions, consequences and regrets (i.e. "Wow, that latest one was the worst yet! Costly and hurtful, too! Sure wish that hadn't just happened!"), I've begun to see my disease as a bigger picture, something profound that has consistently plagued me and disrupted my potential and progress since college. I've found this change in perspective significant as it has caused me to see and respect the disease as more profound and powerful than only the latest episode, and I have come closer to, but not yet accomplished, forgiving myself for my illness and my failures. Those who treat or otherwise fully understand our predicament tell us that our disease and its consequences are not our fault, but I still haven't been able to internalize that absolution. Returning to your response, yes, at the risk of obsessing over it, try to keep your circumstances in mind even on the good days (especially on the really good days), and be careful with potential disruptions like sleepless nights, recreational drug use or stress, any of which could potentially result in a rapid relapse. Best of luck to you and thanks again for your feedback.