looking for freedom

Hello everyone! From elementary school I have always found friendships awkward. I was weird socially with everyone and my education suffered. I rarely felt relaxed around others and sought silly ways to get their attention. Girlfriends were rare and even today it has been over ten years since I was involved in a relationship. I have no close friends. Im a single father of 3 teenagers, two of them living with me. I work steadily and have some pretty outstanding hobbies. I lean toward the techy/geek stuff. I long for success, friendship and a partner in my life. Fear determines who I meet and what I do. I have a low self esteem and think Im unattractive. In 2013 something very unfamiliar happened to me which cost me over $50K, closed my business, ruined my reputation and placed an even greater strain on me. I suffered from a delusion apparently brought on by a manic episode of bi polar, a condition which I had not been diagnosed with. The delusion caused me to believe some pretty far out stuff, I did some damage to my home and committed crimes on my own property (no victims) which got me felonies and some very significant loss in my life. I woke up today just wanting to have light conversation with another adult and here I am. Best wishes to all of you.

Hi, I'm new & I hope I'm doing this right, if not please let me know. I understand what you mean about not having any or many friends. I have the same ONE from kindergarten & that"s it.. I even get anxious going to the store for groceries. You are not alone. Wenbo77

Hi all,

I had been a social butterfly when young. Even throughout various jobs I was the chatty friendly girl. Eventually the strain of making everyone happy broke me and I ended up isolating. I am in happy isolation with a very happy to isolate husband. We check in with each other daily.

I have come to embrace the idea that the upheaval of destruction and change that we create regularly in our life is because bipolar won't allow us to live the life of a lie. If we are truly unhappy, we cannot suppress it for extended periods of time.

Our feelings insist on being honestly dealt with.

This new opportunity that you have to revamp your life so it follows lines that will cause you to have regular happiness is just that - an opportunity. The adjustment it will enforce will cause turmoil, but the outcome is in your hands.

You asked for light topic, relaxed conversation and I have failed. But I did and said what I would do and say. I hope it is accepted.

There is a chat area on the top of this page, but I haven't used it so I can't suggest if it would be successful or not.

I hope someone else chimes in.

But overall, I am glad you said something. I also make sure I say stuff on my bad days so I don't just show the one advice face (the mother in me). But I also show my very human with shortcomings face.

Best of luck to us all.

Do you have suggestions on coming out of isolation? A peppy cheerleader/student council in H.S., then a breakdown, ECT's, & 2 hospitalizations. My home is nearly my safe place. I would love to have more than the 1 friend I have, but I always feel awkward, anxious, etc. a place I don't feel comfortable enough to try. I have acute social phobia & bipolar, I think was the wording. I often think people think I'm weird or I just stand there like at a get together w/o social skills. I've worked w/ my therapist but doesn't seem to be helping. I'm currently not working cuz I just moved but trying to get back into the library cuz lack of social contact. I'm not shy..... Any suggestions anyone?

I mainly visit the bipolar forum here, because that is where most of my issues stem from. Personally, I am in a place where I like isolation, so I don't consider how to get out more. But I know psychcentral has a forum that is for specifically that. I am sure that have a lot of info, and support. I hope either others here,or people there can help you find the answers you seek.

Best of luck to us all.

This one includes Social anxiety (I think where the agoraphobics - I am recovering from that, go) Anxiety, Panic and Phobias - Forums at Psych Central

And this one includes avoidant and anti social. http://forums.psychcentral.com/personality-place/

Now I am probably going to obsess about whether I sound like you are in the wrong place. I am not trying to do that. I am not the traffic cop for forums. :/ I just want to make sure you talk to someone else who has better suggestions then I do.

Okay, somebody else that sees everything I did wrong. Fix it please. This mess I made is in your hands.

Okay, perhaps I have done my mistake of over typing today. Trying to be involved. saying to much, over analysing, regret. confusion - throw my hands up.

lol, sharing to help those who understand, we are not perfect, we are human. I did the best I could.

I gotta log out and not let myself come back for awhile (couple days) til I stop freaking about coming off rude and bossy.

:/ I want to be NICE. lol, line from a movie - possible mania rapid thinking setting in.

Ciao

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. It sounds devastating.