need to know

they say I am bp,, need to know for my sanity and because they are pushing more pills,,my idea is try to drive myself into hypo or worst to prove once and for all to myself..but it scares the hell out of me..I am thinking cut back on sleep and pump up the caffine..maybe hard as I am afraid to cut back the lamotrigine, completely stable for a long time with my depression under control but I disagree with my documented "mania" so that is why I have to know,,only then can I accept it or know they are wrong,, I know treat the symptoms forget the disorder but I need to know...besides who wants pills if they really do not need them..sorry all just ranting as usual

That's a tough choice. Been there, done that. I don't have any advice to offer. Just wanted to let you know that your question/technique is not unique.

Trust...its about trusting......sometimes you have to just believe.....no one wants a dx of a mental illness but hey...it could be much worse....and the good fact is that it's treatable............cutting back on sleep and pumping up caffeine will not give you a TRUE bi-polar high anyway. I could do that myself if I wanted a HIGH and I'm not even bi-polar.......Wait the mania may come anyway.....part of the disease

Your logic is like Oh, I have diabetes...well lets make sure..let me eat 10 candy bars and not take my insulin...oh that will work....I'll see then....yes, you'll see if you live thru it!!!

Did the same thing for the same reason last winter. I thought maybe the mania I'd had before was just med-induced and maybe I didn't have a real problem. Even though the depression was clear as day, I thought it's probably only depression and nothing more, I'm just being dramatic and maybe I don't really need meds anyway.

Turns out, I do need meds because I am bipolar and my bipolar goes to a really scary place without meds. I was fine for awhile and then I went into a mania which was great at first. But then it turned on me, turned me into an absolutely evil person with so much hate and anger inside of me. It culminated with me believing that stranger could read my thoughts and that someone was trying to kill me by getting me to kill myself, I just didn't know who. That meant I was terrified of all stranger and could barely leave my house.

Yeah. Not fun.

Since then I've been tempted to stop meds again, particularly now because I want that high back. Are you sure you're not just bored with stability? I get like that. I just have a hard time being normal and prefer to be extraordinary, which mania allows me to believe. I've got to find something else to be passionate about because I don't want to continue this cycle.

Just wanted to let you know to be careful, even though I totally get where you're coming from. You never know what your brain might do to you.

I don't know how to put this nicely, but people talk about inducing mania a lot on here. Does anyone think about what it does to there loved ones, the hell they get to go thru? I take my meds for not just me, but a big reason is my family. I know that if I don't take my meds I will then lose my job, then lose my house. That affects my family, not just me. I don't like taking these stupid meds and dealing with the side effects but I have to do it. Have I questioned the BP? Sure I have. If your pdoc is pushing more pills on you and you don't feel you need them, then maybe it's time to see another pdoc and see what they say. Have you been told by more than one pdoc that you are bipolar?

I'm really not trying to be mean, I just want you to look at how it will affect your loved ones as well, and I would hate to see you go thru the hell of a manic phase that really isn't necessary when there is other options.

dead on.... thanks for the advice

Yes I have been told by more than one pdoc. ty

I think going off your meds sounds like a bad idea. Or at least speak with your pdoc first? But if you are going to do it anyway, be careful. Going off Lamictal threw me into a bad depression for a few days. It's a med that you have to go off slowly.

I agree, only because I've done it several times myself and ultimate outcomes were ugly. BlackSheep79 is right, inducing mania is risky behavior, not an extreme sport.

Reckless

I don't get this whole "lets get really messed up as proof" thought process at all.


I didn't accept my DXs simply because a professional or a few of them said so, I accepted them because I have enough self-awareness to identify these disorders within myself.


I wonder if denial trumps self -awareness And maybe that's why I skipped that whole stage...


Just wondering out loud about something I've never related to, no need to address my response.

What is it that you disagree with about you documented mania. What was your experience?

when inpatient, I will admit severe anxiety, borderline sui,very depressed and I did completely shut down for two days not even eating or socializing..really not talking at all..yes I was really messed up and it took several weeks to feel human again, but does any of that sound like mania to you...