I can almost hate myself

This past year, an over prescribed dose of AD flared up my manic side and I spent over $5k on a stupid online game- or two. Now, here in the middle of winter after realizing what I've done, we are struggling to stay afloat, and I feel so guilty of it. Can you say I'm kicking myself in the butt everytime I go to the store? Pay a bill? Pay rent? Drink a beer?

I own what I did, my dumb bipolar butt blew our winter wad. I feel so awful and guilty. Lesson learned, no more addicting money costing games. I've given away all my accounts and now play free solitaire.

Have any of you screwed up this bad (that goes without saying) and survived it well?

EEK.
I have spent some money I shouldn't have online. In fact recently, I have spent about $1500. I can barely afford it. It is hard. It is very,very hard.

I am sorry,this has happened. You just need to breathe deeply, forgive yourself and try not to make the same mistake again.

I don't know if it will make you feel any better, but I've screwed up BIG TIME making expensive business investments while manic. Although I've been lucky enough to realize profits (also the results of manic decisions) well in excess of my losses, I feel constantly guilty and anxious because my family's finances are currently under unnecessary pressure due to my mismanagement. Business and investment can be as much about losing as they are about winning, and my losses are at the expense of all who depend on me. This year I should to be able to rebalance our debts and assets, establish and maintain safer, sustainable finances, and hopefully free myself of these terrible feelings of failure.

I felt pressure to make money in investments as it became obvious that my worsening illness would preclude me from the compensation and security that the conventional careers that my friends and relatives had developed, and I was encouraged by initial successes that didn't prepare me for the possibility or expectation of failure. Now I know that the illness can also sabotage my ability to prudently invest and do business. I'm trying to do as I advise others: forgive myself, learn from my mistakes, and move on.

I lost $60K of the money that was suppose to be there for my mother. That is 35% of the original amount. And I still go through spending sprees.

Honey i had to claim bankruptcy at 25 die to manic spending
Never feel alone

I know there are worse case numbers out there. I was lucky and ruined my credit before I began. I was in a low spot last night, but today is a brand new bright day!

In my 20s I managed to rack up over $10,000 in credit card debt -- on a salary that was below 35K. I had to move back home with my parents because I couldn't manage my **** anymore, and had to borrow money from them for rent. I was incredibly, incredibly lucky to have there support, but I totally know how you feel.

A year and a half ago I finally finished paying off that debt and slowly started saving once my boyfriend and I started to seriously discuss moving in together (I was still living with my parents). I am definitely guilty of reckless spending and poor money management, but actually managed to save about $2,000 from June 2013-May 2014 (which I know sounds pathetic, but like I said, reckless spending...). I was a bridesmaid in a wedding in May, spent money there, and then for some reason just couldn't stop dipping into my savings over the summer. And then I was a bridesmaid in another wedding in September.

A couple weeks after that wedding, my boyfriend gets notice that he has to leave his apartment in October b/c they're moving a nurse in for the landlord (he had no lease). So, it was time for us to move in together, and I had about 200 bucks in my savings. I had to scramble to save up enough to split first and last month's rent, and the realtor's fee. My boyfriend was not amused.

So, I'm sorry that was a long story, but I totally know how you feel. I'm trying to figure out right now how to turn the urge to spend into the urge to save. It's very, very hard.

Don't hate yourself. It was the bipolar, not you. Last hypomanic episode I had I blew through all my savings and got so far behind on rent I got evicted from my place. You aren't alone, and it's not you, it's the disorder. And yes it sucks.

I ran up a $15000 credit card bill from manic overspending. I had to take out a loan because the interest was killing me. I still owe the 15000, I'm just paying the interest every month. I don't know if I'll ever be able to pay it back and I'm blacklisted from any more credit cards.

I've been there.

I've made mistakes when manic.

I am sorry that you are constantly reminded of this lapse in judgment due to your chemical imbalance every time you have to pay a bill etc.

I had about $17,000 in credit card debt (now in collections). I've only managed to pay it down about $1000 so far. I still have $11000 in student loans (half the loans I took I didn't really need). It will probably take me the next 6-10 years to pay it all back. Nobody bipolar should own a credit card lol. At least not one with more than a $500-$1000 limit.

That is true. ^ LOL

took 70k car loan impulsively, tried to trade down but still in bad shape

I took money my mother transferred to my account and reduced it by $60,000 in yearly spending sprees. This money was supposed to be kept strictly for her benefit. Yet another time I have been very irresponsible.