[Becoming]

I keep thinking about my ex and an old friend. They're both long gone (the first more than the second, but the second just left my life randomly and won't talk to me even though he's still reachable unlike my ex).

Well...these are people I don't want to think about. It doesn't make me feel good and I often dream about my ex because of it. And most of those dreams are not good ones. They're all about how much I miss her or my mind inventing that she's with someone new (no idea if she is in real life...we have not talked in about 3 months now and I'm not about to ask our mutual friends).

I'm just so mad I keep thinking about her. And I'm occasionally mad I think about my old friend too.

It's so bad lately. I am angry with my thoughts now because they come too often. They use to come every now and then and I could brush them off, but it has gotten so hard to do that lately. I don't feel like myself. I should be happy and past it all, but I'm just not and I hate that so much. I want to be free of this suffering. I swear I'll never date anyone again and not get my hopes up about how friends aren't suppose to just walk out of your life without much of a warning. This sucks. I literally feel insane, angry, and sad. It's getting worse each day and every night I dream.

Do you all have any suggestions about how to deal with this? I can't take it anymore.

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[xxblackrosesxx]

I am currently getting angry with myself with thinking about thoughts I don't even want to think about. I use an distraction though. My work is my distraction atm and music. I take long walks too.

[Crazy Hitch]

My thoughts scare me right now actually.

[Velouria]

To quote one of my friends when I was once obsessing over a guy I wasn't even dating yet, "You just gotta ride it out."

I've totally been where you are, multiple times. It suuuucks. It consumes you. But it does taper down and end, eventually.

I've gotten angry and I've gotten to acceptance. The thing about getting angry is that it's a form of resistance: Think about what happens when you try not to think about something. You wind up thinking about it.

It's really hard to stop, I know. Part of it may be that you don't want to let go, you want to find a way to make things right.

It's not about accepting the thoughts, it's about accepting the situation. And that in itself is also very hard.

How long has it been since you lost your ex? And your friend?

Is there any way you can contact your friend and ask what happened?

[charliesangel81]

I have recently been struggling with similar issues with obsessive thoughts. I so understand your frustration- to the point of anger because I can't make them stop and feel totally out of control of myself. I HATE that feeling. Sometimes I am able to distract in a healthy way- reading, being active outside, playing games that are mentally stimulating/ require thought and strategies.... arts/crafts. Sometimes nothing really works but it does eventually get better and for me goes away. I hope you are able to find some relief soon.

3 months is not that long of a time to get over someone, unless you don't have a conscience. Give it sometime. I can feel that you feel unjustified, betrayed so to speak. Those hurt for awhile. It's too easy to blame oneself. Well, it's their loss!

Get out, take a walk. Go to the pub. Re enter life somehow. Get out of your head. You'll feel better.

Hope you get to feeling better hun.

I typically avoid offering suggestions. My experience has been that all it does is create an opportunity, for the person who's asking, to list all of the reasons why that won't work.

Personally I have found that, the more one tries to get away from unwanted thoughts, the stronger they become. They're like little demons that feed off of the energy we give them.

My practice involves acknowledging negative thoughts with lovingkindness & compassion & then allowing them to drift away at their own pace. Over time they have a way of losing their power. (See my signature quote below.)

[Becoming]

Originally Posted by xxblackrosesxx

I am currently getting angry with myself with thinking about thoughts I don't even want to think about. I use an distraction though. My work is my distraction atm and music. I take long walks too.

Yeah, my schoolwork is usually mine. It's just when I have to wake up or when I am going to sleep that they drive me insane. Anytime I'm not doing much which is wake time, sleep time, shower time, sometimes eating, etc. If I'm not actively engaged in something, I seem to be obsessing. I don't enjoy it. =/

Originally Posted by Hooligan

My thoughts scare me right now actually.

Sometimes mine do that too.

Originally Posted by Velouria

To quote one of my friends when I was once obsessing over a guy I wasn't even dating yet, "You just gotta ride it out."

I've totally been where you are, multiple times. It suuuucks. It consumes you. But it does taper down and end, eventually.

I've gotten angry and I've gotten to acceptance. The thing about getting angry is that it's a form of resistance: Think about what happens when you try not to think about something. You wind up thinking about it.

It's really hard to stop, I know. Part of it may be that you don't want to let go, you want to find a way to make things right.

It's not about accepting the thoughts, it's about accepting the situation. And that in itself is also very hard.

How long has it been since you lost your ex? And your friend?

Is there any way you can contact your friend and ask what happened?

I'm really lonely and I do feel really guilty about a lot that happened when we were together and also after we broke up. I feel like I have no real closure still. We broke up like 5 and a half months ago. It doesn't feel like that long.
But me being lonely is just making it worse. I don't have enough people around me all the time because I'm in college and people are busy. Then again, I don't really want a girlfriend or my ex back either. I just want company and to feel good about myself I guess. But I just feel like **** about myself and everything lately.

My friend expressed he was uncomfortable with some things I said to him about a month or so ago. I finally gave up. I just deleted him out of my phone and Facebook. I'm so tired of getting chucked out like trash and not even knowing why sometimes. I don't want friends sometimes. It sucks because he was a really cool guy. All I expressed was that I like our friendship, but he is too introverted to feel comfortable with that I guess and now he wants nothing to do with me. So, yeah, I just was like "screw it, I'm deleting him from everything...he doesn't talk to me anyway." I don't want to chase it. For once, if anything, I want someone to chase me. It's always the other way around. I am so done with that. If I never have another friend again at least I know that I don't care more about someone than they do about me.

Originally Posted by charliesangel81

I have recently been struggling with similar issues with obsessive thoughts. I so understand your frustration- to the point of anger because I can't make them stop and feel totally out of control of myself. I HATE that feeling. Sometimes I am able to distract in a healthy way- reading, being active outside, playing games that are mentally stimulating/ require thought and strategies.... arts/crafts. Sometimes nothing really works but it does eventually get better and for me goes away. I hope you are able to find some relief soon.

I can relate to what you are saying totally. I have times where I'm doing alright and not obsessing as well. But it's the nature of Bipolar to have some times that suck like this I suppose.

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

3 months is not that long of a time to get over someone, unless you don't have a conscience. Give it sometime. I can feel that you feel unjustified, betrayed so to speak. Those hurt for awhile. It's too easy to blame oneself. Well, it's their loss!

Get out, take a walk. Go to the pub. Re enter life somehow. Get out of your head. You'll feel better.

Hope you get to feeling better hun.

It was like 5 and a half months, but almost 3 months since we said a word to each other. Still, I guess it isn't that long. My problem is I cared about her and she didn't care about me. She got over me so fast that even when I reached out to apologize so many times I would get ignored or *****ed out. I did that again recently and again got ignored. It sure sucks when you get into a relationship with someone who could care about you less than trash. That makes me feel like the best person ever!!!!! *sarcasm*

I am going to a club with my friends this week so that will be nice. And the school week starts so if anything I will be around some people now and then for classes and such which will be nice.

Thank you.

Originally Posted by The Skeezyks

I typically avoid offering suggestions. My experience has been that all it does is create an opportunity, for the person who's asking, to list all of the reasons why that won't work.

Personally I have found that, the more one tries to get away from unwanted thoughts, the stronger they become. They're like little demons that feed off of the energy we give them.

My practice involves acknowledging negative thoughts with lovingkindness & compassion & then allowing them to drift away at their own pace. Over time they have a way of losing their power. (See my signature quote below.)

Yes, I understand this. At times it works for me. Right now that sort of thing isn't. I have a phrase I use a lot: "I acknowledge this thought and am moving past it", but it's not doing so great right now. My brain is yelling at me...like there's another part of me screaming "YOU WILL THINK ABOUT IT WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!" And I can't win right now. =/

[Blitter2014]

I try to think, "Is this thought helping me or hurting me?" If that does not work then try to analyze the thought, challenge it. Is it actually real? Am I considering both the good and the bad, or am I just focusing on either the good or the bad? If I am thinking about mistakes of the past, were they really mistakes or did I make the best decision I could at the time? If you cannot get rid of the thoughts, thinking about both the good and bad can often put them into perspective. Then think of the catastrophe scale. If death were 100, being paralysed is a 80, living on the street destitute a 60,then how bad is the mistake I have made in the past? Is it really as bad as I am thinking?

Sometimes it works, sometimes your just going to have a bad day and tomorrow will be better...

Sometimes my thoughts straight pisses me off because they are overpowering and want to be the center of my world. I'm a firm believer in distraction, averting focus elsewhere.

[Wander]

When my thoughts trouble me deeply, depending on what they are, I just let them flow right through me without clinging onto them and dwelling.(A mindfullness thing) If that doesn't work, distraction is also a great tool. With relationships ending it is only natural to think things over a lot until you can come to a place of peace. It has been two and a half years since me and my ex-husband split and I still have days where I find myself dwelling on thoughts of him but I must say it happens less often and at a lower intensity. Hang in there the thought will lose their power in the end.

[Becoming]

Thank you everyone. I'm really happy to know that I am not alone in this. This forum really is full of supportive individuals.

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[lacerta]

CBT has helped me a lot with obscessive thoughts, whenever they occur, I fill the thought diary and it helps a lot. The meds as well.
But I have been scared with my thoughts lately, as I had a mixed episode with all kinds of crap thought. I got meds upped and they disappeared. It scares me that my mind can be manipulated so easily with drugs.