[Harley326]

I've been completely stressed out for the past couple of days and as the night progresses, I feel like I'm slowly sinking into a dark place. I don't know what to do. I just want to cry over the littlest things. I've been dreaming about my brother who passed away in a car crash 4 years ago and was talking to a friend earlier about my mother who ODed 3 years ago. Both have been on my mind a lot recently. Probably because my mom's birthday was on the 19th. If I ever forget - Facebook is right there to remind me. Today is Rebecca's birthday. No ****. Thanks. My fiance has switched shifts so that he will now be coming home as I'm going into work. I'm getting more and more suspicious of him. He lies about stupid little things (going to the bar vs. going out for dinner and few drinks with friends or not telling me until he's there because he "knows I would say no"/calling off of work vs. claiming they called and told him they didn't need him) and it's getting to the point where I question everything he says. He never used to lie about anything. I feel like he's doing it because I nag too much. The bar isn't my scene. I don't enjoy drunk, rambunctious strangers. I don't think it's too much to ask for him to not go out every Friday and Saturday. Especially if he's going to not going into work more and more often. We live with his parents, I want our own place. It's like he believes we can't afford it right now so he doesn't even want to try. I feel completely insane and guilty when I complain about him going out. I'm not good with crowds of people, especially if I don't know them, but I don't feel like he should be penalized for it. I try not to nag, but I feel like I'm on his case about it more and more. A couple weeks ago he agreed to only go out once every 2 weeks. This past weekend he went out both nights. I feel horrible giving him **** about calling out of work because I only work part time right now and he's full time, but at the same time, I really want to get out of this place. I'm trying so hard to stay away from pot so that I can pass a drug test and get a better job. It's been 3 months since I've touched anything other than alcohol, but my pdoc said that it can show up even after that and I don't want to blow my chances by taking the test too early. Tonight is one of those nights where I just want to get high and forget everything and everyone. I'm kinda glad he'll be home from work soon because he won't let me get into anything. If he wasn't, I'm not sure I could restrain myself.

[kaliope]

i know what you mean about fb. my sister died a year ago and i was browsing the other day and saw my friends and there she was.......and it just didnt seem right..........

[Crazy Hitch]

[Espurr1989]

Is there any way you could suggest having a night in with friends and drinks? It seems like a good compromise between being able to socialize and not having to deal with a bunch of drunk loud people you don't know.

Also in my experience with drug tests and pot, 3 months is more than enough time for your system to be clear. A lot of it has to do with weight and how much water you drink too. The thinner you are, the faster it will come out of your system. Try to drink 8 glasses a day if you don't already, and on the day of your test, drink a few big glasses a few hours before. The more your per is diluted, the less thc will show up, if any by this point. I have made the decision to quit weed too for the second time because of my bipolar. I get very lazy/lethargic and I don't want the weed adding to that. It's hard because my husband and his two friends which are like brothers to me still smoke in front of me and sometimes I want to join them. One of the friends that I am closest to lives with his parents, is single, and doesn't have a job. He is 29 and has no diagnosed mental illnesses (though I think he should probably consider seeing someone.) Yet whenever he gets his hands on money, he is spending it on weed. He says his mother has threatened to throw him out over the weed, but yet he still won't quit. He'll go out in the middle of the night and smoke behind a tree. His mom also gives him a hard time about eating their food, which I can understand, yet he still spends his money on that crap instead of getting himself some stuff to eat. This is another reason I have quit. I don't know how my husband and his other friend can deny that the weed is hurting him or at the very least not helping. They are enablers and the whole situation just makes me sad.

Sorry to go off on a tangent there... the point is, I know how it is to want to smoke, but I just keep reminding myself of the reason I quit and of all the benefits I receive from quitting. I hope you can do the same and maybe it will help you a little bit too.